meeting supervisor tomorrow no work done

[memyselfandcoffee]

I have weekly meeting with my supervisor and tomorrow is D-Day, so far this week I did about 8 hours of study and 4 hours of class out of intended 45. now i'm too depressed to work eventhough i could at least try and get hours done before meeting. I m really not pulling my weight on any meeting, but this week has been the worst, already posted about that

i'm too depressed because i wanted to do well, this has been my dream for a while and 'm f**king it up, i hate the thought of my supervisor regretting taking me on and maybe even not allowing me to pass my transference assessment at the end of the year...... why am i such an idiot!!!

so any advice

thanks

Edited October 24, 2012 by elise123

[ktel]

I have dealt with a lot of anxiety during my time in grad school about feeling like I can't accomplish my work or feeling that I'm not doing enough work. I have a feeling of panic before just about every meeting with my supervisor, yet every meeting so far has been great. He has no problems with my progress that I know of and seems to find the work I've done so far useful and interesting.

I assume you've just started. You're barely 2 months in, I don't think the expectation is that you should know everything and have accomplished so much so far. Relax.

[lillymaginta]

well, a personal advise I would say try to finish all the required work before each meeting. Every person is different from the other some advisors might be nice and encouraging while others might treat you in a bad way and blame you for not being able to adjust between work and study. One of my friends who is currently a first year phd student in good engineering program, had hard time with her advisor as she was not able to do the required work on time ended being asked either to reduce her hours or try to improve her performance. So I am sorry not to discourage you or make you feel bad but try to understand how your advisor is feeling about your progress (in terms of the required work not classes)

[fuzzylogician]

A fact of life is that you're not going to have something new and exciting to report to your advisor every week. At some point as you're trudging through your work you won't have much of anything to report several weeks in a row. At this point, though, just a few weeks into your program, there is only so much your advisor can reasonably expect from you. But if you feel that you are seriously falling behind or haven't adjusted yet to the unstructured environment of graduate school, maybe that's something to bring up and discuss with your advisor at the meeting. The adjustment period can be difficult, and your advisor could help you. You could also talk to other students about their experiences (and keep in mind, even if everybody else seems to be getting along just fine, everyone feels inadequate at some point!). The most important thing is not to be too hard on yourself - this happens to everyone, and at this point it shouldn't have any adverse effects. Don't think about potential consequences a year from now; it's extremely unlikely that there will be any, unless you let this get to you and drag you down. So don't!

[SeriousSillyPutty]

I realize that the OP was posted yesterday about a meeting today, but it's something a lot of people deal with, so I'll add this in case it helps in the future:

Anxiety/depression are really hard to overcome, and ruts are hard to get out of. It’s especially frustrated when, objectively, you can see what’s going on and what would need to change, but you can’t will yourself to do it. You have my sympathy. And you are NOT an idiot. Athletes don’t stop being athletes just because they’ve pulled a muscle and aren’t currently able to perform; academics don’t stop being intelligent just because a mental muscle got pulled out of whack, either.

I second Fuzzy's encouragement to talk to your adviser about your struggles. If you can, try bring something to the table to show you take this seriously and want to improve (because it's clear here that you do). To me, this would involve:

- Arranging an appointment/finding a grad student support group time through the counseling or student health center. Moves and new jobs are two of the most stressful things people can do, and for many grad school involves both. Our nervous systems get fried, and it's good to try to get healthy again. Plus, when I was depressed, I felt like going to counseling was at least one (sometimes the only) productive thing I could make myself do. In a week of destructive decisions, counseling was a constructive one. (Plus, if you can tell your advisor you've looked into this, it's a sign you're trying to improve the situation.)

- Coming prepared with questions/requests for your advisor. One of the worst things for me about being in a rut is that people wanted to help me, but I was too overwhelmed to know how they could help. Perhaps you could request that your advisor:

- Break things down into smaller tasks, so you can get feedback early, without fear of doing a larger project wrong.

- Give you some examples of past projects people have worked on, so you have a clearer sense of what you’re going for.

- Make recommendations about strategies that have worked for others, and/or suggest a grad student in the department who has made it successfully through similar slumps.

Just recently, I got stuck on a lit review project that really shouldn’t be too bad, so I told myself I’d work on it all day, and ended up staring at a blank screen all day. Now I wish I’d cut my losses and done some more passive work (such as reading for another class) so that I could have done something worthwhile. Do you have some easier but still productive things you could do? This may help you to build up some momentum.

Good luck!