Bad grade hit me out of nowhere...

[CarlieE]

Hi All, 

 

So grades are just starting to come in and I got a B+. In any other world, that wouldn't be a bad grade, but we were told at the beginning of the semester - my first semester - that a B grade is going to viewed negatively at our end of year evaluations. Given that the grading system at my school is only As and Bs (though with +/- designations) I can't help but logically conclude that As are passes and Bs are fails. At best, a B+ is equivalent to a C- since the description of a B in the handbook sounds like a D ("should be taken as a warning") and a B- is "unacceptable graduate work." The older cohorts confirmed this: one girl told me specifically that the professors really aim to give As and so one has to really screw up to get a B. 

 

The reason I'm feeling so down about it - other than the possible repercussion of being tossed out of my program - is that I kept in regular contact with my professors and had no indication that I wasn't doing well. The course was run by 2 professors, one who is in my dept, and the other who is not. Both were present in (nearly) all the class meetings which were once a week - a seminar style, discussion based on reading class (I'm in a social science). 

 

I did all the readings, was present in class, added and took from the discussions. I did all the assignments and presentations on time and received positive feedback from both professors and the other students. 

 

Over the course of the semester I went to see one professor twice in his office, walked regular across campus with the other and saw him in his office officially once. I was also in regular email correspondence with the latter professor who is the one in my dept (though he's not my advisor). That latter professor even wrote me an LOR for a grant I'm applying for and said that he gave me a very positive letter!

 

We had a final paper (and reaction papers throughout the course) and we had to present twice on our final paper drafts so they could see where we were at and so on. I did both presentations, got good feedback and incorporated their suggestions into the paper. 

 

I don't know where I went wrong! 

 

What makes it even more confusing is that I took another course in which the professor who is in my dept was my paper reader and in THAT class I got an A (there is no A+, just A and A- ). 

 

My SO suggested that I email both professors and professionally ask for feedback so I can improve for next semester. I did this, and got a very prompt response from the prof in my dept (I'll just say Prof A from now on). It was a short email, but to the point: don't take the grade too hard, I'll be glad to discuss it with you (me), we should talk about this - when's a good time to talk over the phone (he's out of town for the break), and finally, I recommended an A/A- for X course (the one I did an A for). 

 

I haven't emailed back yet with my number and a time to call. I'm so emotional about the matter that I almost can't trust myself not to burst into tears over the phone, or worse, get upset and angry and become defensive. (That in itself is a dilemma: do I accept the offer of a phone conversation and risk getting upset or decline the offer, stick to email and risk misreading everything or worse, giving the impression I don't care?)

 

I spent all day yesterday feeling like the world really did end, crying hysterically and not being able to stop the tears from coming. I had "imposter syndrome" all semester and now it feels like my fears have just been confirmed. I'm waiting on a grade for my 3rd class - it feel like that'll be the swing vote. If it's an A I can feel like I still have hope, if it's a B... well... 

 

I don't really know what I'm asking from you, forum readers, I guess I just wanted a place I could get all this out. It feels like I don't have anyone I could really talk to who could relate. I told two cohort mates, and an older cohort student: I got very sympathetic and very... piteous "wow, am I glad I'm not you" kind of responses. They're good people but I get that "rats deserting a sinking ship" feeling. I feel like I've lost the respect of my cohort mates. I know deep down I don't want to withdraw from the program and it seems ridiculous to do so based on one grade, but maybe, as much as I want to be here, I just am not good enough. 

[sugarmilk]

I think getting feedback is a great step. Discuss your concerns with your professors, find out where the problem lies. I contended several grades in undergrad because I had a suspicion that the professors arbitrarily assigned grades. I went to them with all my stellar assignments in my defense and they said there was a "mistake" and they would adjust my grades. So there is some hope there, and if they still stand by the grade, at least you can find out why and make an improvement next term. I'm sorry this has happened to you and I hope you will feel better in time. Try not to hold a grudge about it.

[Quant_Liz_Lemon]

Are you in a PhD program or a masters?

[michigan girl]

_{A B+ is not the end of the world in graduate school. Was this course part of your primary research interests or a core foundation course required by all students? If it was the latter, just move on and be grateful that it's above a 3.0. If it's the former, however, I would request a meeting with the professors to ask for feedback about your performance. If this was your first semester, then take this as an opportunity to improve upon your mistakes. The first semester in graduate school is always the hardest for most students.}

[pinkrobot]

I'm only in my first semester myself, so I'm afraid I can't really speak with any actual knowledge about many of your questions. But I can speak to your dilemma about the phone call. I would really, really recommend going for it: you say you don't want to withdraw from your program, so this is one of those "bull by the horns" moments. I'm not trying to say that your worries about becoming too emotional during the conversation are invalid or anything; I just think that's an obstacle you'll want to puzzle through, because it sounds like the conversation is one that you really should have--for one thing, I think it's a great sign that Prof. A wants to speak with you so much so that he'll chat over the phone while out of town.

It sounds like you have a very supportive SO. I wonder if he or she would be willing to be with you during the phone call, to remind you to breathe and to offer support if it looks like you're heading down the crying or defensive paths?

Alternatively, would it help you to come up with a list of specific, non-emotional, non-defensive questions? It sounds like you're not exactly interested in trying to "change" the grade; rather, you're wondering where it came from and hoping to learn from it. I think that's a good approach, and it might help to write out questions with that specific goal in mind. Forget the grade for a second: was there anything about the course material, or about your paper, that you yourself felt uncertain of, or wished you'd done differently? Those might be good places to start. Plus, it sounds like you did learn from the course--you mention you added to and took from the discussions--so it maybe wouldn't also hurt to remind yourself of what you learned from the semester before heading into the conversation.

As for your cohort: this is easier said than done, but try to let their comments roll off. There is no single person who never struggles. Besides, at the end of the day, it sounds like this experience could really ultimately be great for you: you took a course, you learned from the course, you did your best, and one of the professors teaching the course is interested in speaking further with you, may be able to help you make progress in areas of your work that you perhaps hadn't noticed need a bit of a jolt, and supports you in myriad other ways. None of that sounds like anything to be ashamed of, and if someone loses respect for you off of the back of a learning experience, well . . .

[CarlieE]

Hi All, 

 

Thanks for the great feedback. I'm in a PhD program and it a really good one, consistently in the top 10 for my discipline. 

 

I did write back to Prof A and accepted his offer for a phone conversation. I did add in the email where I am emotionally and what my concerns were about getting this grade ie. what we were told at orientation and the seriousness of getting such a grade/how it might adversely affect moving on in the program etc. I wanted Prof A to know the frame of mind I'm in and where some of my concerns and questions might be stemming from. 

 

I haven't heard back yet about a time for a phone conversation, but it IS getting close to Christmas and he IS out of town so I'll just wait (not that I could do anything else other than wait). I'm not interested in changing the grade necessarily - but if he DID offer to make it better, I would't say no! So, yes, I just feel blindsided and would like to know where I messed up. 

 

I'm definitely in much better shape today; I think it did help to get it out "on paper" here on the forum and in emailing Prof A back with my concerns. Thank you all again!!  

[jms]

I feel for you Headcold...I also got a B+ this semester and felt the same way you did, thouh this course is outside my department. This was my firsy semester teaching along with taking 3 courses so I am in the process of trying not to be so hard on myself for struggling this semester. I think you are doing the right thing by talking to this professor, which is something I plan on doing as well. Also, it is okay to be upset-emotions are emotions and they are neither good or bad. You obviously care about doing your best. Thanks so much for posting your concern.

[CarlieE]

Hi All, 

 

I wasn't going to, but since I've noticed a lot of other threads with GPA and grade concerns, I thought I'd add an update for my situation. Perhaps it will help someone else get perspective on theirs. 

 

So I spoke with Prof A. Incidentally, I emailed Prof B too (both in the same email), but never heard back from Prof B (the one outside my dept.) Anyway, the conversation went extremely well; a number of issues were pointed out to me about my paper which were very fair criticisms. I got to understand that a lot of the professor's personality goes into the grade, especially when much of the grade depends on qualitative work or discussion. Some professors tend to be more understanding of intellectual experimentation than others; some are looking for specific things - words, phrases, ideas; some hold grad students to the same professional standards as they would a working, tenured professor (in order to enculture a sense of standard in the student) while other don't and so on. 

 

I also got some good advice about not taking it too seriously since ultimately, my future won't depend on the one grade. 

 

We're bound to get disappointments like these, not because we haven't tried or not even because our work wasn't good enough, but simply because it didn't fit the course or what was asked of us. In some cases, its just misinterpreting what we thought they wanted. 

 

For anyone who got a bad grade, I'd recommend emailing or calling the professor and asking, professionally, if they'd be willing to discuss where you went wrong. (note: not where THEY went wrong, but where You went wrong.) Doing this really helped give me a perspective on the course, and on graduate life in general.  

[jms]

Thanks Headcold, great advice.

[Zorah]

Don't worry about a B+. It absolutley does not matter. Of course, don't flunk out and follow the advice about speaking with the professors, but don't sweat it