My advisor - I can't take it anymore! Advice?

[Lizzbee]

I'm a Masters student and was supposed to graduate this past December. The past 2 years, I had a good relationship with my advisor where she was helpful, and I feel she actually wanted me to succeed. That all changed at the start of the Fall 2012 semester, and got progressively worse from there.

 

I had begun writing my thesis, and when I submitted parts to her to edit, she would take weeks to get back to me, saying that she didn't have time to look at it. However, she was always there to help her "favorite", another grad student, with their grant writing.

 

The day of my thesis defense, she and my committee argued over my statistics that I was using, saying they weren't happy with the methods they had originally told me to use. I had to change all my methods and stats about 30 mins before my defense seminar.

 

Two weeks later, I met with my committee again. This was two weeks before" graduation", and my committee told me (this was the first time ever hearing this) that they weren't going to sign off on my thesis. They wanted me to add another section to it. They wanted me to take an approved stats course. Since there was no mention about not graduating before, I had signed over my lease on my apartment. I did nothing but hard work, and I put in all of my life into this grad program!

 

I agreed to take a course at another college, since I was moving. Around Christmas time, I learned that she gave a Christmas gift to her other graduate student. They also went out for drinks all the time, and that student even stayed at her house for a week. I also learned that my advisor had shared the details of why I wasn't graduating on time to the other student, which is against the law. She constantly insulted me behind my back, but I let it go, knowing that eventually I would have my degree.

 

The final straw was today, when I emailed my advisor and asked if I could use her as a reference for a position I was applying to. She emailed back, saying "No.", and throwing insults all over me.

 

I have had it with this advisor. I have had it with this program. My anxiety is through the roof and my blood pressure is dangerously high. I completely broke down earlier and have no hope anymore. She literally does not want me to succeed! I would quit if I hadn't invested so much money into this program. I do not know what to do. Please help, does anyone have any advice?

[Eigen]

So just for reference, is her other student an MS student as well? Since you mentioned grant writing, I'm wondering if they're perhaps a PhD student, or planning on working towards one with her. 

 

It's a bit hard for me to separate out the pertinent parts of your problems (your advisor and your committee's treatment of you) from the unrelated issues (your advisor is friendlier with another student). Favorites happen- it can suck when it's not you, but I think it happens with every advisor. Your advisor giving another grad student a christmas present and going out for drinks with them really has no bearing, but her telling them about you is a separate issue, at least in my mind. 

 

Also, could you clarify what you mean by "against the law" for her to discuss why you didn't graduate on time? FERPA doesn't cover that, from my recollection. 

 

That said, it sounds like your situation sucks- I've had friends in similar places, with there always being one more thing to do before the committee is happy- one had to take an extra year. 

[emmm]

No advice, just sorry to hear you are going through this. It is a shame she agreed to be your advisor if she did not have any interest in helping you be successful.

[treebark]

I had to change all my methods and stats about 30 mins before my defense seminar.

This is literally the most stressful thing I can contemplate happening going into a thesis defense.

[Lizzbee]

Thanks for the replies everyone. Eigen, the other student is also an MS student. Also, I'm not sure about the specifics of revealing my information to be against the law, but I had previously spoken with the school Dean and she explained to me that my advisor cannot reveal specifics about me as a student to another student.

 

I guess I shouldn't be so angry about her playing favorites -- It is something out of my control.

[Dal PhDer]

The student-supervisor is a hard relationship. The best way I can explain it is by using the phrase: a happy wife (supervisor) is a happy life.

 

Supervisors will have favorites- the good supervisors don't show it. Unfortunately, it sounds like you're having a hard time. Is there a commitee member you can talk to?

 

What is it about this situation that you want help dealing with?

 

If it's just the intrapersonal dynamics of you and your supervisor, I would just say, ignore it- be nice and respectful - and get done and out of there. As for the reference letter, is there someone on your committee that you can get a letter from. I knew a girl that was in a similar situation and got held up over a year...the good news is she's currently doing great in her PhD program and loves it.

[purplepepper]

Sorry to hear about your situation, and I don't think I have much good advice. But if you really, truly think you are being treated unfairly, the first step I would take is to talk to the director of graduate studies (and if that happens to be your advisor, then talk to the chair of the department), or the dean of the graduate school (but it might be more effective to stay at the department level). It's important to separate your emotions from the actual situation...but take any actual documentation you might have (emails anything), and try to convey to the chair or whoever that you feel like you haven't been given a fair chance to finish your thesis because your advisor has not made him or herself available in the way that they should have to ensure a timely completion. It sounds odd that they are demanding major changes 30 minutes before a defense.