Following up with your recommenders

[It's (Not) About Me]

This has been on my mind a lot lately: how to tell your LOR writers about the results of your applications. Is anyone else struggling with this?

 

I feel that one of my recommenders, in particular, requires a special message. He was my professor (twice), BA thesis advisor, and let me be his RA for two years. He also gave me a ton of advice on my SOP and met with me regularly in October and November. Basically, he's invested a lot of time and effort in me, and I am unspeakably grateful for his support. For that reason, I'm a little worried about disappointing him. I am so excited and proud to be accepted to UNC, and I don't care that it was off of the waitlist or that it's almost surely my only acceptance. Still, I wonder if these things will matter to him. I would be so ashamed if he felt like he wasted time on me.

 

Do you think you're obligated to tell your recommenders the exact results of your apps, or is it better just to say which offer (if any) you've accepted? If you're 1 and 10 like me, should you acknowledge the inconsistency/attempt to account for it, or focus 100% on the positive?

 

I'm at a bit of a loss, and I would really appreciate someone's opinion!

[sebastiansteddy]

You should be incredibly proud to be accepted to UNC! I am sure ALL of your recommenders will be happy to hear this. Whether you tell them about rejections or not - that is something you should judge based on your comfort level with them. I highly doubt that any of your recommenders will be upset, since you have a great offer. 

[AurantiacaStella]

I think you should definitely tell him and the others as well. Mine wanted to know all the details, so I told them. I would definitely focus on the positive, and I would not try to make any excuses because you've had a positive outcome! I suppose you could just tell him you've been accepted to UNC and you're attending, and then see if he even asks about the others.

[ProfLorax]

Dear So and So,

 

Thanks to your support and guidance, I will be attending the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill this fall! 

 

--------

 

Something to remember: In six years, you will be able to say you have PhD from one of the top English programs in the country. No one on the job search is going to ask you how many schools you were accepted to oh so many years ago; rather, they will ask about your dissertation, teaching experience, and publications. The rejections may feel real and painful now, but at the end of the day, the acceptance is all that matters! And your letter writers know that. Be proud! 

[sebastiansteddy]

Something to remember: In six years, you will be able to say you have PhD from one of the top English programs in the country. No one on the job search is going to ask you how many schools you were accepted to oh so many years ago; rather, they will ask about your dissertation, teaching experience, and publications. The rejections may feel real and painful now, but at the end of the day, the acceptance is all that matters! And your letter writers know that. Be proud! 

 

I think EVERYONE would do well to remember this!

[ComeBackZinc]

I don't think that there is any right or wrong to what you're asking here; I think a lot of it has to do with your personal relationships with them. For me, personally, I wanted to give them all the details. I felt I owed it to them.

 

That was true when, many moons ago, I applied to a dozen schools and was rejected by all of them. I didn't have a clue what I was doing back then. I told my three recommenders. It was one of the hardest things to do. But I felt I owed it to them. Anyway: you've got good news! That's all they'll care about.

 

Also, it sounds like you're already well on your way to forgetting that your acceptance came after being on the waitlist. Good. Because nobody will care. It's just so irrelevant. Your peers and the faculty will meet you and evaluate you on your merits. They'll chat with you about your interests, see how you conduct yourself in a seminar, observe your teaching, read your writing.... If anybody even knows you were on the waitlist at first, they won't remember a month into your program. You've got nothing to feel awkward about.

[jrockford27]

When I got my first acceptance, I sent out brief, very excited emails to all of my recommenders and mentors.  Once I've committed to a school I plan to send out a more thorough thank you and debriefing.  

[AurantiacaStella]

I read this suggestion around here somewhere -- I think I'm going to give a coffee mug from the school I'm attending to each of my letter writers. I think it's a nice idea, especially if you are at all close to them.

[ComeBackZinc]

Yeah, I chose some inexpensive but personally-tailored  gifts for my recommenders. It was actually fun to choose for them.

[dazedandbemused]

I was really close to my recommenders, so I pretty much emailed them within the hour of the first of my acceptances. It was even better because I didn't get into a PhD program last app season, so their excitement was twice as high. I think my BA advisor's response to the news had at least 40 exclamation points in it. Honestly, if you're as close to this advisor as you state, he'll probably be unbelievably happy for you. One out of ten is success; don't let yourself feel any differently.

 

Also, I bought them amazing mugs as thank yous. Try cafepress for cheaper literary stuff.

Edited March 11, 2013 by dazedandbemused

[AurantiacaStella]

Try cafepress for cheaper literary stuff.

Great idea! I'm finding some really awesome stuff. These seem even better than the mug with the school's name. Thanks!

[Grev]

For me, it depended a bit on each recommender (I had four).  The one I was closest to got a quick email as soon as I'd made my decision.  I then followed up with nice hand-written thank you cards mailed to my other recommenders (I am poor and physically far from my old campus). 

 

The one exception was one of my recommenders who's retired and doing a LOT of traveling.  He was kind enough to write me a letter between international trips last fall!  I just sent him a longer email because I don't have a physical address for him.

 

In the notes I mentioned where I was accepted, and where I decided to attend.  I also tried to say some personal kind of thanks to each recommender, both for the letter and for help I got from them during my BA/MA.  There's basically no wrong way to do this, so be as excited and positive as you can/want

[thatjewishgirl]

I agree with everyone else on here that you should tell them. I know how you feel, a little - I have only been accepted to two programs so far and waitlisted at two others, so I was worried they would be disappointed.

 

I still work with my letter writers, so I immediately told two of the most supportive ones as well as our department chair, and I could tell they are genuinely excited for me and really proud. We're only an MA granting institution, so I think they are genuinely impressed with my acceptances/decision. One of my other letter writers - who was on my thesis committee and with whom I took a few classes who has never given me even a tiny iota of praise - totally made a face, like "ew, I can't believe you are going there" and told me to wait to hear back from the places that waitlisted me. 

 

I'm definitely getting my letter writers gifts, except for maybe the sour faced one.

[sf210]

I sent an email to all of my reccommendation writers about my first accpetance. Other than that, I've kept them periodically updated, and will email again when I make a decision. There is one who I have been in contact with much more, but she has been more of an advisor/mentor over the last couple of years -- I think it depends on your relationship with each.

 

I'm glad the topic of gifts/thank-you's came up - this has been on my mind a lot lately.  I am certainly sending a handwritten note to each and I was also thinking about something small from whatever program I decide on - I like the coffee mug idea a lot - they are all avid coffee drinkers.  I was also thinking about a gift card to the local bookstore or cafe, but I've seen on boards in the past that this is innapropriate. Thoughts?  I just want them to know how much I appreciate all they have done for me!!

[Stately Plump]

I told my professors the results of all my applications, though I went to a small liberal arts college and had pretty close relationships with all my professors. I don't know that there is a particular decorum regarding how to handle this situation; it should probably be judged on a case by case basis.

 

Congrats on UNC! 

 

EDIT to add: I would definitely, definitely inform your recommenders about your acceptances. Being admitted anywhere is so difficult, and it's always a nice feeling for a professor to know that a former student of theirs will be continuing in a field for which they have prepared the student. 

Edited March 11, 2013 by Stately Plump

[ComeBackZinc]

whoops I totally didn't mean to -1 your comment, Stately. Still getting used to this touchscreen laptop....

[Stately Plump]

whoops I totally didn't mean to -1 your comment, Stately. Still getting used to this touchscreen laptop....

 

Don't worry, I'll -1 one of your innocuous comments. Only when you least expect it...

 

 

[Taco Superior]

I informed them and asked what they like to drink--one got a bottle of scotch, one a bottle of champaigne, and one a bottle of cognac.

[It's (Not) About Me]

This thread is CHOCK FULL of amazing advice. Thanks, everyone! I feel much better about approaching this task now. I think I will email each of them when I officially accept an offer, and follow up with a small gift and a handwritten note soon after. I love the idea of getting them each a mug--so cute! Until then I'll keep reassuring myself that my recommenders are going be just as happy about this news as I am.

[dmmar]

As others have noted here, I think it depends on your relationships with your LORs, but that you should definitely always tell them about acceptances!

 

I'm extremely close with my professors, so I've basically had a mass-email going throughout the decision-season. I had four LORs, plus another professor with whom I had only taken one class and wasn't in my field of interest, but I'm also close to him and he helped me a lot through the application process. The mass-email approach worked for us because I updated them all with decision notices and questions I've had about the schools, making my final decision, and whatever else has come up along the way. They would "reply-all" to the emails so they could see each other's responses and add or qualify things. I see them all pretty regularly, but not all together at once, so I've really benefited from this method of communication. 

 

Thanks to everyone who has suggested gift ideas. I'm also thinking about bringing in cupcakes for the whole department toward the end of the semester, too.

[jpb2k5]

I simply wrote my recommenders handwritten thank-you notes after I finished applications. I'm going to inform them of my final decision via email but I definitely don't think you need to go into elaborate detail about how many schools accepted/rejected/waitlisted you. Focus on the positive and only say what you're comfortable saying! Like a previous poster mentioned, your professor is just going to be thrilled that you got that acceptance.