Friends? New city big fears

[Vmmurphy4]

I'm considering relocating from Chicago to San Diego for grad school but I have trouble making friends- I'm just really shy and it's hard for me to pick friends because I'm not super popular and I'm not eccentric. How hard is it to make friends in a new city? Any tips or advice would rock

[iowaguy]

Having spent time in both cities, I would personally move from Chicago to S.D. in a heartbeat.  (S.D. is one of my favorite cities in the states, I also like Chiggy but not nearly as much.)  In my experience, folks in Southern California are different than folks from Chicago, in general people are more laid back and friendly.  You'll notice that (similar to Chiggy) many people living in S.D. aren't from S.D.  That makes it easier to make new friends since lots of other people are in the same boat.

 

Another tip is to see if your undergrad university has a club in S.D. (mine did when I lived in SoCal).  This is a quick & easy way to meet "new" friends (who went to the same undergrad as you so you'll have something in common).  YMMV.  Best of luck!

[pears]

when i moved to SF, i only had one good friend here (plus a few other acquaintances)- meetup is pretty cool! you can go to things to meet new friends who have the same interests, and it takes the edge off because you know they're there to make friends, too.

[gtownhopeful]

I grew up in San Diego and did my undergrad here. I'm in your position where I'm actually looking to move to Washington D.C., so I'm hoping my advice to you works for me out there. Have you ever been on the site meetup.com? The site allows you to find a topic you're interested in and meet with people that have the same interests in your area. Try checking that out. I have been to a couple "meetups" and everyone has been very welcoming and friendly.

[ak48]

This thread may be of interest to you

 

[seaofghosts]

I was going to suggest meetup.com as well. It helps break the ice since you're all there for a specific reason (even if it's just to make new friends). Same with clubs on campus. I've never been very social and don't have any really close friends (my "problem" is that I'm TOO eccentric!), but I've been able to make a lot of cool acquaintances that way.

[ANDS!]

I'm considering relocating from Chicago to San Diego for grad school but I have trouble making friends- I'm just really shy and it's hard for me to pick friends because I'm not super popular and I'm not eccentric. How hard is it to make friends in a new city? Any tips or advice would rock

 

You will make friends simply by virtue of you being in the same boat as everyone else coming into your program.

[ak48]

You will make friends simply by virtue of you being in the same boat as everyone else coming into your program.

 

You shouldn't rely on this alone. Go out and be active about meeting people, via social meetings and activity groups.

[kaister]

Honestly, sometimes you get dealt a bad hand and you'll be surrounded by people who have no interest to be your friend or hang out with you, and other times you'll get lucky and be surrounded by chill people who are eager to make new friends.  If you are for example dealt the bad hand, you will just have to find new avenues for new friends.  All the suggestions above are great.  Meet up and clubs/social events on campus are probably your best bet.  Hopefully from there you can continue networking.  But I'm also optimistic as well that entering grad school there will be many people in new environments and a lot more open to making new friends.

[UpTipp!]

While moving to a new city might seem intimidating at first trust me it isn't as bad as all that. I moved to two different cities during my undergraduate career and while it takes some work and some courage you can make friends even if you think you never could. If you want to approach it strategically, think of building your social life in stages. In grad school your programs are always small and you usually wind up in the same classes and study groups. Start there. Inivte a few out for coffee and just get to know one another. From there look at the school as a whole. Is there an on campus or graduate club you might enjoy? If you have the time for one or two these are great ways you can find other people who enjoy the same types of events and hobbies you do. Lastly don't forget you are in a major city. Look around the neighborhood for social events or search online for activites you are interested in and reach out to people who run them. If they are worth your time they should be friendly and welcoming. The trick is, especially when you move to a new city, to put yourself out there and really make an effort. You're never as shy and boring as you think, but you do have to jump in and try to meet new people. It won't work with everyone but start small and work up and soon you'll find your own niche.

[KGrard]

Moving to a new city is a challenge. I moved to NYC in 2011 and despite being an extremely outgoing individual, it took me about 6 months to settle in. However, I was not part of a graduate program at the time and simply working. After starting my graduate program at NYU, my number of local friends has doubled. You will connect with other people in your program, and universities are great about putting on mixers, students groups and orientations when you first start the program. My other recommendation is social sports leagues, kickball league was a life saver when I moved here! Take the risk because there might be a time later in life when you have to start over in a new city due to a job, relationship, etc.; so learn some new social networking skills now!