Living with Roomie from program?

[LRPolicy]

Hi all,

 

I'm in the midst of looking for a roomie/housing and I'm wondering if it's better to live with someone from my program or a grad student at a different school/program. On the one hand, I'm worried about competition/stress/too much time together if I live with someone from my direct program. But I'm also worried that my roommate and I would be complete strangers if we were in different programs/school, as we'd both be preoccupied with out separate worlds.

 

Any advice/insight?

[PsychGirl1]

I've decided not to live with someone in my small cohort. First, you're already going to be spending tons of time together. Second, think about every time a project is due, or there is a test- think about whether you want that person knocking on your door asking to study with you, or asking for help, or explanations- at any time of the day/night. Third, in my opinion, it's a way to ruin relationships within the cohort, especially if one of you has a strong personality.

 

The benefit of the stranger IS that you're both preoccupied with separate worlds- but also that it doubles your potential social circle. I'd personally go for the stranger, but after talking a few times to make sure you guys get along. As long as you are living near where people in your cohort live, you won't be missing out on any socialization.

 

Also, keep in mind that you can always move after the first year (or sooner if you find someone to replace you at your current apt!).

Edited April 1, 2013 by PsychGirl1

[iowaguy]

I like the idea of living with a fellow graduate student, but not one from my small cohort...  Too much interaction if you're working together at school and also living together, IMHO.

[Biostat_Assistant_Prof]

Like others have said, I like the idea of living with another grad student (in fact, that's what I'm doing), because they can relate to you in many ways, understanding busy schedules, need for quiet study time, etc.... But not from the same program. I have yet to meet anyone from my cohort entering this fall, but it's probably only 5-6 people and given how much time we'll spend together during the week, I think rooming with one may be too much.

[juilletmercredi]

It depends on your school.

 

There's only one person in both of my cohorts (two-department program) who I spent any substantial amount of time with during my first two years; that's because she was in my lab and became my friend in addition to being my classmate.  Most of the other student in my cohort, I did not spend "tons of time" with.  Sometimes I had classes with them, but we had divergent interests and so we had at most two classes together.  Other than that, I rarely saw them, even though in my first two years I spent a lot of time at the school in the lab or the grad student research room.

 

I also don't think it matters if you and your roommate are "complete strangers."  What you want is someone who pays the rent on time, is clean and reasonable and moderately friendly without being overwhelming or clingy.  I've had one roommate who was otherwise a stranger because she worked all day and partied all night (she was not a grad student - it was a summer subletter I had for my spare room).  I didn't care, lol.  I also had two roommates who became friends, one of whom I am still friends with today.  One of them (the one I am still friends with) was a master's student in my department, and the other one was a master's student in another department but within the school of public health.

 

Just because we were in different programs didn't mean that we were complete strangers; you can get to know people on dimensions other than academic ones.  In fact, it was really nice to have non-cohort people as roommates because while we sometimes talked about our interests in public health, we talked about other things, too.  Me and the second roommate shared a consuming love of shoes, and so we went shoe shopping together.  Me and the first roommate loved to party so she introduced me to some cool master's students who I hung out with a lot in my first 2 years.  You will sometimes think about things other than school, lol.

 

Living with another grad student is great because they understand your struggle, but there's nothing wrong with living with another young professional - some of them have similar struggles (like lawyers who have to get billable hours or management consultants who are never around because they fly 75% of the time or whatever.  We're all workaholics).  The most important thing is to live with someone who you can live with.  If you like to let dishes "soak" for a day you need to find someone who is okay with that; if you like to clean the tub out every time you step in or out you need to find someone who is okay with that.  If you plan on having friends on your couch every weekend from varied states, you need to have someone okay with that, although good luck.  So on and so forth.

[fuzzylogician]

Many students in my program are roommates with other students from the program. In my experience, if it doesn't work out it has nothing to do with the concerns that were raised here but simply because of personality mismatches that would have happened even if the roommates were "complete strangers." It has to do with expectations from the shared living situation, and sometimes people have different opinions about such things as when/how much to clean, how late is too late to cook, can a boyfriend/girlfriend stay over and how often, the frequency of parties and visits from friends, eating each other's food, buying/reimbursing shared supplies for the apt, division of chores, etc. I had a roommate from my program (but a different cohort) for three years and it worked out great for both of us, because before we even started looking for an apartment we took the time to talk about things like the ones I mentioned and we made sure we had similar thoughts about shared living situations.

[Chai_latte]

I've had two roommates.  Neither was in my program.  One was a B-school student.  The other was law.  I like living with fellow grad students.  And it is especially nice when the person is in another field.  It adds a little extra diversity of thought/conversation.  Plus, you get to know someone you probably wouldn't have met otherwise.

[kmed]

Haha I'm contemplating this same thing! Still not sure what to do...but that's a good point with not wanting to come home and constnatly be thinking about the program. Hmm..

[rising_star]

This is going to sound crazy but, one of the best grad school roommates I ever had was a college senior finish ze's degree in education. Ze was basically never home and was really mature. We're still friends today, 6 years later.

 

Some of the people in my department live together and they've never had a problem with it. I think that's because our department is kinda large (80+ students) and they have different interests so, other than the 2 required courses, they don't really take any classes together. The one time I did live with someone in my program, we had similar interests so we saw each other in the office, at home, and in class, which was a bit much to be honest. But really, YMMV and it all depends on finding someone whose lifestyle is compatible with yours.