Denying an offer from a school and faculty who are particualrly and in your same field

[shockwave]

I am going to come to the crushing time when I need to reject an offer from a school that has great faculty and and excellent resources, including some faculty who I've gotten to know and have been quite well.  The issue is largely financial and based on quality of life in respective cities.  Furthermore, I would not want to severe ties with the faculty or leave a bad taste in their mouth because after all they are very much relevant to my field and it is possibly we will cross paths later down the line.

 

What is the best way to express my sincerest gratitude for their time and efforts with me, but that I am respectfully declining an offer, and the decision was none at all personal nor do I doubt their capabilities as a program.  It's just an offer has come up that I cannot refuse and it would absolutely be foolish to turn it down.  Again, since this field is somewhat small, it is plausible that I may come across these faculty in the future and do not want to come off poorly nor burn any bridges.

 

Does anyone have any advice?

 

 

 

[iowaguy]

I had the same issue, here's the format I used:

 

Dear Professor XXX:

 

After much deliberation, I have decided to attend ABC University.  I really appreciate you taking the time to meet with me and your subsequent efforts in trying to line up funding for me to attend XYZ University.  Hopefully our paths will cross again at a conference or on a future collaboration...

 

[jmu]

Everyone I talked to was excited for me regardless of where I chose. They understand that things happen and you have to take that into consideration. After telling the DGS at a school I was waitlisted at (where he was trying to get me off the waitlist) where I was going he started talking about how great of a place it is and how there are really exciting things happening there and that one of his undergrads was really interested in it. You don't have to worry about them being upset.

[Wicked_Problem]

I am going to come to the crushing time when I need to reject an offer from a school that has great faculty and and excellent resources, including some faculty who I've gotten to know and have been quite well.  The issue is largely financial and based on quality of life in respective cities.  Furthermore, I would not want to severe ties with the faculty or leave a bad taste in their mouth because after all they are very much relevant to my field and it is possibly we will cross paths later down the line.   What is the best way to express my sincerest gratitude for their time and efforts with me, but that I am respectfully declining an offer, and the decision was none at all personal nor do I doubt their capabilities as a program.  It's just an offer has come up that I cannot refuse and it would absolutely be foolish to turn it down.  Again, since this field is somewhat small, it is plausible that I may come across these faculty in the future and do not want to come off poorly nor burn any bridges.   Does anyone have any advice?

I have a similar situation, where I have to turn down an offer, and I am really upset about it. Under almost any other circumstances, I would be very grateful to be able to work with the POI at this school, and I would like to collaborate with him down the line. I hope he understands. I guess the best thing to do is be short, sweet and straightforward (like iowa guy suggested.)

[wabisabi]

I just wrote those emails this morning. Well, I just sent them this morning after like a week of mentally composing them! There were two schools that I turned down that I really could have seen myself attending . . . it was tough. 

 

I think had some good advice and examples of wording, and this is an interesting post by a professor about how she prefers students to write. I followed iowaguy's basic format, but I was warmer and expanded a little more on how much I loved the program and how much I regretted having to decline. I made sure I didn't sound like I thought I was some amazing prize that they must be devastated to lose, but rather that I was disappointed at losing the opportunity to work with them. 

 

I've already received three very nice responses, and I don't think anybody is upset about it. Professors see a lot of potential PhD students, and they can't expect them all to attend! 

[selecttext]

You probably will tick them off and they probably won't stay in touch with you. You will have to rebuild the bridge via productive research output and conference attendance. Just inform them that you have accepted an offer elsewhere but you really appreciate the opportunity as you have a profound respect for them yada yada yada. There's really no sense in anything too sentimental. It's pretty normal to reject offers and speaks well of you that you would bother to forge relationships with potential supervisors before making a decision. It just is what it is. Did you at least try to get more money out of the school by informing them of your competing offer?

[shockwave]

You probably will tick them off and they probably won't stay in touch with you. You will have to rebuild the bridge via productive research output and conference attendance. Just inform them that you have accepted an offer elsewhere but you really appreciate the opportunity as you have a profound respect for them yada yada yada. There's really no sense in anything too sentimental. It's pretty normal to reject offers and speaks well of you that you would bother to forge relationships with potential supervisors before making a decision. It just is what it is. Did you at least try to get more money out of the school by informing them of your competing offer?

 

No, I didn't because they were pretty clear about their funding situation when I've spoke and visited.

 

I was wondering whether or not you should mention the school where you are going to to kind of keep them informed of your progress or not?  I initally felt this was a bad idea but saw some others of you had done it so I was just wondering your take on that?

[jmu]

I didn't mention it but was asked later in a follow up email.

[selecttext]

There is no sense in volunteering information. I had one professor tell me that I would be wasting my time by going to a particular program (which i've accepted). I obviously disagreed with him and found his response very condescending.

[msocean]

If it is a very small field (as mine is) the PI at one school may already be aware of the offer from the other school.  Staff and students from all of the school I applied to, and my current UG program, attended the same conference a few weeks ago.  I'm sure they had a lot to talk about!  I know that my UG advisor did a lot of campaigning on my behalf for which I am grateful.  But again, it came down to funding.  I just can't imagine going into debt for my MS with the job market the way it is.

[shockwave]

So do you think it is wise or not to say that I will be attneding an offer from University of XXXXX ?  Especially if the PI's know each other (which I am sure they do to some extent), and within a year they could just google my name and see where I am at via linked in or graduate program page?

[somethinbruin]

There is no sense in volunteering information. I had one professor tell me that I would be wasting my time by going to a particular program (which i've accepted). I obviously disagreed with him and found his response very condescending.

 

I had nearly this exact same thing happen to me on a visit to School X. A professor asked what other schools I was considering. When I named a few, including School Y, he said without a hesitation, "Well, X is a better school." It came off as extremely condescending and off-putting, particularly since I was leaning toward School Y. In the end, this behavior helped me make my decision, because I knew that wasn't the kind of department I wanted to be a part of.

 

When I wrote to reject School X's offer, I purposely omitted the school that I chose. They don't need to know that. I kept it polite, thanked them for their time and consideration, and explained that I accepted at a program where I felt it was a slightly better fit for me, personally and professionally.

[ak48]

Some professors asked me where I decided to attend instead; others simply wished me luck.

 

Nobody took it too personally, as far as i can tell.

[selecttext]

Some never even responded lol

[jmu]

Some never even responded lol

 

I had one like that. He is good friends with one of my letter writers and I never heard anything from him except after an email I sent introducing myself.

[rising_star]

You probably will tick them off and they probably won't stay in touch with you. You will have to rebuild the bridge via productive research output and conference attendance. Just inform them that you have accepted an offer elsewhere but you really appreciate the opportunity as you have a profound respect for them yada yada yada. There's really no sense in anything too sentimental. It's pretty normal to reject offers and speaks well of you that you would bother to forge relationships with potential supervisors before making a decision. It just is what it is.

This wasn't my experience at all. People were genuinely interested in where I was going, wished me luck, and have kept in touch with me. I see them annually at the major conference and they always ask me how things are going, what I'm doing research on, etc. YMMV obviously but, I had nothing but well wishes when I turned schools down.

 

No, I didn't because they were pretty clear about their funding situation when I've spoke and visited.

 

I was wondering whether or not you should mention the school where you are going to to kind of keep them informed of your progress or not?  I initally felt this was a bad idea but saw some others of you had done it so I was just wondering your take on that?

I always told them where I was going. My discipline is relatively small and people wanted to know. Even if I hadn't said, they would know as soon as I went to a conference. And some want to know so they can have a sense of where their program stands to applicants.