where to live dillemma- need some fresh perspectives!

[memyselfandcoffee]

I am having a dilemma over where to live. Currrently I am renting a one bed on campus for 710 euro a month including bills. I only have a stipend on 10,000 so my parents help me out. However I only moved in June and it very quickly became far too hot to work here. In addition there was a major spider problem owing to fact I beside a river and the building is cladded in wood. I ended up going to parents house in an attempt to get some work done. So I decided I had to move, after alot of searching I found a room in a house for only 300 including bills. The room is very small, tiny- just about enough room for a 50 inch desk. I will be sharing with home owner and two other students and the owner assures me it will be a quiet place to study. she's about 45 and very nice. This was the only room i could find that allowed smoking and was sharing with older people ( I a mature student). 

Now I am having second thoughts about moving, I am back in my one bed and its lovely and cool and am looking forward to vegging in my pjs in front of tv with total provacy and studying when it suits me in my massive bedroom. Happy days!! 

But then there the expense - a 410 price difference-- my parents are happy to pay it they say- they just want to see me make a success of my Phd and get where I need to go. They have debt, but really the money they spend on me is just small compared to thier actual debt so they don't mind. But I feel bad, I don't like putting them under financial pressure being the age I am. And there is a spider problem and is being on my own 24/7 the healthiest, mentally. 

But would a tiny room, thats 35 minutes from campus ( I do have a car, and could do with some excercise), where I will little privacy to chill at weekends, make doing what I trying to do harder? 

so sorry this is long, But i would appreciate some toughts from other phd students who may understand my dillemma 

thank you!

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

Some guy lived in his car. 

 

I don't have a car. 

[nugget]

Are these your only 2 options? I don't know how much you smoke, but if you're a light smoker would smoking outside be an option? At least it would open up many more rental options (and might lead you to reduce your smoking if you always had to go outside to do it, which would end up being a good thing for your health). I am not a smoker, but if I were, this is what I would do because I'm not too crazy about the 2 options that you have and couldn't see myself living in either place.

 

If it really comes down to these 2 rooms and you go with your current room, I would definitely get an air conditioner and try to find a good product to keep the insects away and spray your room every day.

 

If you take the small room, I'd invest in a sofa bed, futon or murphy bed so that when you are awake you could put your bed away and maximize the space you have in your room. You should also keep in mind that if you take the smaller room that's within budget your gas expenses will go up. How much will the room end up costing you in the end?

 

As a mature adult, it's not a great situation that you need to need to rely on your parents financially to pay your bills. If you feel bad about taking money from your parents, what about agreeing to pay them back after you start working? In addition to paying off their debts, they need to save up for their retirement. However, if you promise to pay them back when you can this might be a good solution for the three of you.

Edited August 1, 2013 by jenste

[ZeChocMoose]

Living alone is a luxury that at your current income, you just can't afford.  So if you want to keep on living alone, you need to shoulder the financial burden - not have your parents lifting that load for you especially since they have their own debts that they are not paying off to help you out.  So if living alone is a high priority to you, you need to find a way to increase your income either by getting a second job (if allowed by your department) or taking out loans. 

 

Personally, I would just take the smaller room in the shared house and see how that works out.  It is certainly more affordable and it is unlikely that you'll spend a lot of time at home given the responsibilities that you'll have on campus.  The other concern I would have is the rent on the one bedroom will increase over the length of your PhD causing you to borrow more and more money from your parents to cover the increased rent -or- it will force you to move out because the rent will just become too high. That just doesn't seem sustainable in the long run.

[memyselfandcoffee]

well thanks for the replies- yes I do feel crap taking money off my parents- it kinda affects my self-esteem and not only that I do value being independent, even if they were rich.

 

In terms of how much time I will be spending the room- alot- our study space in Uni has no airconditioning, the dept has promised to help us get this sorted- but I am not holding my breadth! 

 

I will be teaching and taking some classes, but I will be doing all my other work in my room. I can't get a murphy or fold-out bed as there is a single bed already in room and that has to stay there. 

 

I do however have a nice living room with free sky tv at my disposal for breaks and I plan on joining gym to get me out of room for a bit in evenings.

 

as regards smoking I am a very heavy smoker but am currently trying to quit- have bought the patches and quit day is tommorow- Fingers crossed I will succeed. But in case I don't I had to take room that allowed smoking.

 

In terms of loans- I can't get one, since my income is so small. In terms of part time job,  I feel my work would suffer, I would be better take off take small room.  I have alot on really as I teach and  will be taking three modules and have to do my research- my supervisor has told me he expects me to run a study a week from now on. So I'll be pretty busy. I am concerned about wasting time commuting as it is- as I may have to pop in and out  to uni twice on some days. that is one advantage of staying where I am, on campus.

 

Sure I can pay back my parents in a few years- It will probably be four or five yeas realistically speaking, since I have three years left on PHD. 

 

so thanks for replies so far, given me alot of food for thought-  anyone else anything to add?

Edited August 1, 2013 by elise123

[nugget]

Since there's only about a month left for summer, I'd probably endure it and focus on your school work instead (and look into different spray products to keep insects out of your room).

 

Next spring, hopefully you will be a non-smoker (or a light smoker in the very least) and your rental options will go up considerably. Not to mention, your financial situation should improve too. You could take your time and find a nice place for yourself then. Perhaps you could get a good deal on a lease transfer from a graduating student next spring.

 

Best of luck.

Edited August 1, 2013 by jenste

[i.am.me]

I rarely feel like crap taking money from my parents. This might be cultural though. Also, I try to make sure to pay them back in a timely manner.

 

If you can't afford to live by yourself, you just can't live by yourself.

 

For myself (as a person who likes comfort and privacy), I'd probably take the roommates, try to never be home, look for sources of extra income, and keep my eye out for other living opportunities.

[danieleWrites]

If you are quitting smoking, you do not want to move into a home where other people smoke. It helps to find a quit-smoking buddy, too.

 

As far as mooching off of your parents? There's this American ideal that once a person graduates college or high school, that person should be entirely self-sufficient. In today's globally off-shoring economy, that's pretty unrealistic. While I'm not saying that you should stay in the more expensive place because your parents are willing to help, you shouldn't discount that help out of a misguided notion of pride or what others consider to be the mature thing to do.

 

I suggest this: go and have a discussion with your parents before you make a decision. Talk to them frankly about money. How much of a burden are you financially? How much are they invested in your education? Caring parents might equivocate, and pass off the money as if it's nothing when it is something. As a parent helping a kidlet go through college right now, I want him to stand on his own financially, as much as possible, but not if that means he spends so much time working he can't get in the learning he needs, or that he comes out the other end so saddled with debt, he has to move in with us again just to pay his bills. While you should make sound, financial decisions, you should do that with information on how much your parents are able to help you. A PhD is more difficult than a bachelor's, and that help might be important.

 

I live with a smoker, as well, so I understand the financial drain (not to mention health) that smoking is on the pocketbook. An artist friend was a heavy smoker in New York City and decided to quit her 2 carton a week habit. She put all of the money she normally spent on cigarettes and cigarette products into a saving account. A decade later, she used that money to move to Alaska, pay her bills for a year, and pay cash for a new SUV. Smoking is not cheap. It might be better for both your health and your finances if you remained in Spider Central until you've quit, and then found a situation among non-smokers, than to move into a place that's okay with smoking, and not quit or have the quitting sabotaged.

 

Since you're in the UK, you should check into smoking cessation programs. Nationalized health care systems tend to offer these for free or at greatly reduced cost.

 

As I've said, talk with your parents. No matter what you decide, sitting with them and having an adult conversation about handling money will make all of you feel better.

[memyselfandcoffee]

good advice danielwrites, I have talked to my parents and they just keep saying 'don't be penny wise and pound foolish'-you have to able to do the work you need to do and ensure you progress in your career.' which brings me back to,  well as long as I have a decent sized desk and a determined proactive attitude there isn't any reason I can't get my work done--is there???? 

as regards smoking the others in the house don't smoke exept the owner who is only a social smoker and I have agreed to only smoke (if i do indeed smoke) in my room- I don't agree with making others passive smoke.

 

I guess it really comes down the fact, that it is hard to predict the future- so I just find it imagine how it will work in small room, maybe i will make it nice and cosy and get decent work done. I like the idea of having an incentive to get out of house and go to gym. But then back to sharing a bathroom and having little me time and the fear of wasting my entire day running in and out of uni!

Edited August 1, 2013 by elise123

[MsDarjeeling]

Well neither of those options are great, but I understand they're the only 2 you have.  If I were you I'd stay put.  If your parents really can afford to help you a little (and you're one of those kids who won't stuff them in some horrible nursing home) then I think that's ok since you're doing something productive.  You need to be on campus multiple times a day so the proximity just can't be beat.  I get that its hot, but if the school won't do anything perhaps you can purchase an air conditioner, make do with fans, or find a nearby cafe to study. 

 

As for the spiders?  I don't get why your school doesn't routinely have an exterminator come, but here's an organic method I use to kill them.  I have a bunch of small glass jars that I fill halfway with white vinegar.  Then I put them in the corners of each room and wait.  This not a quick method, but I've found it very effective.  I'm not sure why, but the spiders are attracted to the vinegar, crawl up the jars, and then stupidly fall in and drown.  I empty them every couple of days, refill, and repeat. 

[memyselfandcoffee]

well i decided to go for small room, paid deposit and collected keys, so no turning back now-- and i instantly regret it. a 30 minute commute twice a day!!! I'll get no work done. and god only knows what my flatmates will be like. why of why do I always make such bad decisions!! not only that but now i have to waste time moving...

[nugget]

Think of it as a temporary living arrangement. When you find a better option and the time is right, you can always move again. In reality, none of those places are ideal so even if you'd stayed at the other place you wouldn't have been happy with it for a different set of reasons.

 

Try to accept the decision you made, learn from it and move on. It's also important to keep a sense of perspective. You have been given the opportunity to study in a great program in your field of interest and simply need to make the best of living off of a small student allowance in the menatime. It's a temporary situation. Next year you can find something a little better to get you by and when you graduate and find your first job in the field that's when you'll finally be able to find a place you'll be proud to call home.