Personal Statement

[misslyss]

I started off my undergraduate degree at the University X in 2008 with a Hospitality Management major, but changed to a Psychology major with a minor in Sociology within six weeks. I knew I had to change my focus after a classmate was feverishly taking notes in Event Management. My classmate wrote, “Banquet tables are round” and I knew I was looking for something different for my field of study. I knew I wanted to assist others and ultimately found out in just what way that would materialize within psychology.

 

Neither of my parents are college educated or from scientific backgrounds. However, a large part of why I am in graduate school is owed to them. My father worked difficult hours as a truck driver and in construction. He strived towards owning his own business, which he finally accomplished several years ago. He taught me the importance of determination, a strong work ethic, and perseverance. He encouraged my sisters and I to find a field that we love and do our best to be the best at it. My mother worked at home for the majority of my childhood and provided an example of humanity and compassion. She emphasized the importance of maintaining a balance of pride in our work and a sense of humor. My parents’ unwavering support has afforded my two sisters and I the opportunity to choose my own path and fight for it. I am extremely proud to be a first generation college educated young woman.

 

 

I have always been an extremely driven individual. I have set goals since early in high school and have always achieved them. I obtained a Bachelors degree in Psychology with a Sociology minor and I am currently working on my Masters in Clinical Psychology. Now, I am seeking to further my education at University X by applying to the Clinical Psychology PhD program. Along the way, I have had several positions of employment that have taught me many valuable life lessons such as organization skills, time management, financial skills, interpersonal skills, and recently scientific research skills. I found confidence in my abilities and I was able to flourish in each unique opportunity. Due to these opportunities, I believe I am a well-rounded individual and I hope to continue to grow and learn about the world we live in. Each employment opportunity afforded me the ability to help people but in different ways; I was taught to find what technology products were appropriate for different individuals, I learned how to work within a team dynamic, and I learned valuable skills in crisis management. From selling computers in an Apple store to midnight calls as a resident assistant, I have enjoyed working hard and have acquired important skills and knowledge that are relevant to what I will be doing in psychology throughout my years of employment and education in Florida and Illinois.

 

             My experience at the Laboratory X at X University has reinforced my interest for research. I have thoroughly enjoyed my time spent utilizing 3 Tesla magnetic resonance imaging machines (MRI), transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) machines, and electroencephalograms (EEG). Next Spring of 2014, I hope to attend a national conference where I will present a poster on our findings from a study aimed at better understanding the nature of subtle cognitive impairment in breast cancer survivors who received chemotherapy in combination with estrogen depletion therapy. This condition, also known as “chemofog” or “chemobrain” impacts a high percentage of breast cancer survivors undergoing these specific therapies, yet little is known about it. This study incorporated behavioral experimental memory testing, functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) and comprehensive neuropsychological testing indexing attention, memory, and quality of life measures. I was fortunate enough to be able to recruit breast cancer survivors to participate in the study, co-facilitate the experiments by using a neuropsychological battery and running fMRIs, and help run analyses on the data.

The research in Dr. JANE’s laboratory at X University specifically caught my attention. I found Dr. JANE’s extensive use of EEGs and fMRIs in her research and publications highly appealing. Even though I have not had research experience specifically related to psychopathology, I have experienced many clients with psychological disorders at my current practicum site at X Center, which has been fascinating and rewarding. I have had one client in particular who has many issues with her executive functioning. Being able to help her get the appropriate psychological assessments to receive accommodations in school has made a huge impact on her future. In Dr. JANE’s laboratory I would be able to integrate my fervor for research and psychopathology.

 

 

My passion for psychopathology and this field has set me on the path that I am currently pursuing. I have always been drawn to the way the mind works and how people think. I am intrigued by malfunctions in the brain and ways to pinpoint these specific glitches. I will complete my Masters in Arts in Clinical Psychology from X University in the summer of 2014. My goals may have changed or become more direct, but that spark for psychology has always been there. I am truly excited for my future endeavors and my end goal of a PhD in Clinical Psychology. I have worked hard and diligently and will continue to do so. I am extremely excited about the possibility of attending  University X and feel it is the right fit for me. I would welcome the opportunity to express my interest and goals to you in person if so desired. Thank you for your time. 

Edited September 20, 2013 by misslyss

[fuzzylogician]

Is this a personal statement or a statement of purpose -- that is, is there another document that is more about your research, while this one is supposed to be more about your personal past and development?

 

Also, let me know if you want to anonymize this post. If it were me, I would not post the actual name of the university I attend and the professors I (want to) work with. 

[misslyss]

It is a personal statement. Edited it to be anonymous.

Edited September 20, 2013 by misslyss

[fuzzylogician]

It is a personal statement. How can I edit my post to make it anonymous now?

 

There should be an edit button at the bottom of the post next to the MultiQuote button. You have the ability to edit the post for a short time after posting it. If you can't find it, PM me and I can edit the post for you. 

 

If this is a personal statement - that is, there is another research-oriented statement - then this statement seems way too research heavy for me. If, on the other hand, this is the one statement you have to describe your research fit and goals, this has too much of an emphasis on the personal side. Either way, it's somewhat of a hybrid. Could you post the prompt that you were looking at when you wrote this essay? 

[misslyss]

1. What is your specific area of interest in clinical psychology: child and family, adult, health psychology, neuropsychology, or other (please specify)?
2. Among the many alternatives, why are you applying to University X?
3. What relevant clinical and research experiences have you had that have prepared you for advanced training in psychology?
4. What are your short-term and long-term professional goals?
5. Please identify at least one clinical psychology faculty member with whom you would like to work during your graduate training. 

Edited September 20, 2013 by misslyss

[misslyss]

Most of my applications are looking for a hybrid between the two I feel

[fuzzylogician]

This actually looks like a straight up statement of purpose prompt, not a personal statement one. The questions that you are being asked are about your professional background, your future goals, and why the school you are applying to is a good place to pursue these goals. 

 

This means that the first two paragraphs in your essay are not answering any question that was being asked; this is a good 25-30% of the essay that was not asked for at all. The third paragraph, too, feels like a lot of telling where you should be showing the relevant skills. It's much more effective to discuss the facts about past experiences in a way that shows that you are e.g. well-rounded, but just saying it is not all that convincing (even if true). 

 

The fourth and fifth paragraphs are good first drafts, but require more work to polish them and make them more professional sounding. In particular, if I understand the 5th paragraph correctly, it's where you identify a possible faculty advisor, but still your reasoning for choosing is person seems vague. What is your particular interest and how will this person support it? explain what research goals you have and how they fit with the advisor's goals. The final paragraph is then extremely vague and contains too many generalities. 

 

So, from how I read the prompt and your response, you are not structuring the essay correctly at this point. Think of it from the adcom's point of view -- they have actually given you a very helpful prompt, but you are not responding in kind. You are not clearly answering question 1; you are also not really answering question 2; and you aren't giving a good answer to question 4. You spend close to half of the statement either on things that weren't asked or on such vague generalities that cannot and will not distinguish you from other applicants.

 

My advice would be to consolidate and greatly edit the first two paragraphs; I would propose that not more than a sentence or two should remain of it, if any. Rewrite the third paragraph extensively: talk about facts and specific experiences, don't describe your character because, trust me, it's not half as compelling as conveying these thoughts through your actions. Clean up paragraph 4, and rewrite paragraph 5 to do a better job of showing why the professor you identify is a good fit. Get rid of paragraph 6 and either write something more specific, or don't write anything at all. I also suggest you re-structure the essay: start with identifying your research interests (question 1) in your introduction. Once you identify a particular interest or set of interests, you can then identify a professor who you would like to work with at the new school, and explain why and how they will support you in studying your questions (question 5). Talk about how your interests developed and how your background prepares you for your studies (question 3) -- this is where you expand on past research experiences, and if you want - briefly mention the personal background. Then talk about your short-term and long-term goals (this should include goals past your PhD education! -- question 4). Finally, conclude by explaining why school X is best suited to help you pursue the goals you just described, and be specific! (question 2). This kind of re-write might actually be much easier to do if you start over from scratch instead of trying to editing and moving around parts of what you have written here. 

 

I hope this helps -- I'm sorry I don't have the time to do line-by-line edits but honestly I think you need to do too much re-writing for edits to be very useful now. 

[juilletmercredi]

To be honest, I would completely excise the first three paragraphs of this.  They don't add anything to your application.  They don't really explain why you want to go into psychology, or what it was that fostered your interest.  Clinical psychology programs are not at all interested in your non-psychology employment, especially since you are not specific about what "important skills and knowledge" you acquired.  And your family paragraph is really out of place; it doesn't belong in an SoP.  So you need to rewrite those starting paragraphs.

Paragraph 4 makes sense here, but it tells a lot without showing.  You used 3 machines - so what?  What did you do with them?  The description of yor study should be in that second sentence.  "I hope to attend a national conference" is very vague.  Instead, say that you are submitting your work to a specific conference ("I am submitting an abstract to the Association for Psychological Science annual meeting, and hope to present in May" or something).

Also, I wouldn't express interest in a researchers work simply because of the techniques she used - you can use EEGs and fMRI to do a variety of things that may be completely unrelated.  Rather, it should be her use of these techniques to study something that you really want to study.

You also have not exhibited any passion for psychopathology.  You say you have it, but there's no evidence of that.  Even if you've never taken a class or written a paper on it, you should at least discuss what your interest is - HOW do you want to do research on psychopathology?  And why is this program the appropriate place for you to do that.

Looking at your second post, you didn't answer most of the questions.

1. What IS your specific area of interest?  You just say you want to study psychopathology, but that's what virtually all clinical psychologists do.  You do talk about your past research, but do you want to continue that or do something else?

2. You don't explain why want to apply to University X.  Aside from wanting to work with Dr. Jane, and that's only because she uses fMRI, but there are researchers at a variety of schools that use fMRI.  What is special about Univerity X's clinical program?  Do they have a special resource center on women?  Do they have special expertise on children and you're interested in that?  Do they have amazing library resources on neuropsychology?  You need to basically say "University X is the best place in the universe for me to study what I want" and then explain why.

3. You sort of answered this one for research.  But then you randomly brought up a practicum that you didn't explain, and that sounds important!

4. You didn't answer this question.  Other than that you want to get a PhD in clinical psychology, which is obvious.  What do you want to do with it?

Here's how I think you should structure it.

A) Consolidate your first three paragraphs and get rid of 90% of what you wrote in them.  Instead, your first paragraph should talk about something that made you want to study psychology on the graduate level.  Was there a class that piqued your interest, a first foray into research that especially intrigued you, or some practicum experience that made you say "This is what I want to do for the rest of my life?"  Write about that in one short paragraph.  Leave out the non-academic employment and everything about your family.  It's not relevant.

1 paragraph should be spent discussing that research experience.  Be specific - describe your project and say who you worked with, then talk about your tasks on the project specifically.  Then describe what you learned - what skills, what content, and how you felt about it.  Then you can mention that you are submitting (or plan to submit) an abstract to a *specific* scientific conference soon.

C) 1 paragraph should be spent discussing your practicum experience.  Be specific here, too.  What did you do, who did you work for, and what did you learn?  How did that experience prepare you for graduate school?

D) If both of these experiences happened in undergrad, then you should share at least something that you gained from your MA in clinical psychology and how that has prepared you for a PhD program.  That should take a paragraph or less.

E) 1 paragraph describing your research interests and why you are specifically interested in X University's program.  Start off with your current interests.  What do you want to study in graduate school and make your research agenda?  Then definitely mention Dr. Jane, but make sure that you specific what about her work (and not just the tools she's using) interests you.  You may also want to mention one other professor there who interests you.  Also, if there are any other resources at the university - special library collections, agreements with other schools, equipment, whatever - mention those too.

F) Your last paragraph should be *specific* and answer that 4th question.  What do you want to do with your PhD in clinical psychology?  What is your short-term (as in post-PhD) goal?  What is your long-term (think 5-10 years after the PhD) goal?