Event Etiquette

[1Q84]

Let me first start by saying that I am extremely socially awkward. I can hold a conversation and all that but when it comes down to social mores and what to do in certain situations, I feel like a complete moron.

 

My department holds a lot of events and I usually swing by at the beginning to check it out but I have to take the bus home and considering most of these events run until 8 or so, I usually get home pretty late. 

 

Several questions/concerns I have:

 

- If a professor is promoting his or her work or his or her spouse's work in class (handing out fliers) and inviting all students to come, should one feel obligated to go? (I did).

 

- If you attend said event and don't buy the book in question, do you think the professor will notice and if so would they take it out on you? (I didn't because I didn't have enough cash on me but am considering going by during office hours to make good on this practice).

 

- If you swing by an event and are kinda of lassoed in by another professor (who is not instructing you this semester and probably won't in the future), should one feel obligated to stay? (I didn't and feel like I left a really negative impression by showing up and leaving right away).

 

One of my colleagues told me that no one is going to notice or stop and say "hey where'd those two guys go!?" but I can't help but feel like I'm under the microscope every time I go to one of these things, especially because my program director told me that it's "good" to go to these events if important people in the department will be there.

 

Help a socially awkward guy out!

[PsychGirl1]

Here's my opinion: attendance at these things are voluntary, and should always be treated as such. Nobody should look down on you if you skip an event, or don't buy a book at the event, or whatever else is going on. Only go if you want to and feel like you can be in a social mood.

 

However, once you're there, be THERE. Stay there as long as possible (or, at least until other people start leaving). Be social and engaging and supportive. It's good to go to these things because of showing your support and forming new networks and relationships, not just by your actual presence for 5 seconds. In the beginning of your program, I think it's important to go to these events when they come up, but once you get more settled, don't go as frequently.

[1Q84]

Here's my opinion: attendance at these things are voluntary, and should always be treated as such. Nobody should look down on you if you skip an event, or don't buy a book at the event, or whatever else is going on. 

 

I know this is the case but departmental politics and what not. I just learned today (ta da) about the schism in the department between two married couples who ALL work in this same department (involving lawsuits, etc.) Very awkward. And I know I'm pretty tone-deaf when it comes to wading through murky waters like that.

 

Thanks for the feedback though. I know I should probably just relax a little bit

[PsychGirl1]

Yes, definitely!

 

I've come to realize that professors are busy with their own social lives (as your dept drama suggests), and that they won't really notice if you don't show up (unless they're your adviser). However, if you do show up and you're not engaging, they'll probably notice. So be choosier about the events you attend, but definitely try to go to a few of them. It's better for you if people start forming positive associations with you now :-D

[fuzzylogician]

- If a professor is promoting his or her work or his or her spouse's work in class (handing out fliers) and inviting all students to come, should one feel obligated to go? (I did).

 

- If you attend said event and don't buy the book in question, do you think the professor will notice and if so would they take it out on you? (I didn't because I didn't have enough cash on me but am considering going by during office hours to make good on this practice).

 

- If you swing by an event and are kinda of lassoed in by another professor (who is not instructing you this semester and probably won't in the future), should one feel obligated to stay? (I didn't and feel like I left a really negative impression by showing up and leaving right away).

 

- I'd probably go if it was a one-time thing but I would not feel obligated to do so, especially if it was a recurring event. 

 

- I can hardly imagine buying the book in such a context, and if I knew or suspected it would be expected I would just not show up to begin with. I would also never mention it in office hours. I don't know, it honestly would seem very inappropriate. 

 

- When at events, it's important to socialize. Physically being there is not enough. This is hard, but crucial. You need to make connections both within your department and without (in conferences and such) to survive in your field. Department parties might be a safe place to practice. To start, try and stay around until the first people leave and go with them, and while there challenge yourself to talk to at least one student and one professor who are outside your comfort zone. Eventually it'll be important to also do this at e.g. conference parties, and there the stakes will be higher. But people understand many others are nervous and awkward so they tend to be very forgiving. 

 

And yes, faculty drama can be intense! It's good to be aware of it precisely so you can steer clear of the drama spilling over into your life (e.g., it'd be terribly inadvisable to have two 'enemies' on your committee). One good way to know about it is to go to parties and chat with people; grad students will tell you everything if you just give them some alcohol..

[mpheels]

There is no way I could attend every event in my department - there are so many, I would never get home! Plus, there are a lot of competeing/overlapping departmental and school-wide events, so it just isn't possible. I can't imagine anyone expects you to attend everything, nor will they notice if you aren't there. Go to the events that interest you - it will be easier to engage if you are interested in the subject or presenter. I think it's pretty normal for faculty to mention/promote their own lectures/seminars/receptions in class, but you should not feel obligated to attend unless you have a real interest. You should also probably attend events if you are directly/individually invited.

[kateausten]

In my department, it is definitely expected to attend some events.  This is communicated directly to us (which I think is a good thing, as many grad students have never worked in the "real world" and aren't familiar with the idea of networking and technically-optional-but-not-really socializing).  However, no one would be expected to attend every event!  And no professor would hold a lack of event-attending against you in terms of grading your performance in their class or anything (I'm sure that there are some narcissists out there who would, but I'm not personally aware of any).  Basically, it is noticed whether you are someone who makes an effort to get involved in the university community beyond the bare requirements of your degree.  You're free to pick and choose the events which you are most interested in (or which best fit your schedule).  But I agree that when you are at an event, you should try to engage and socialize.  You are kind of wasting your time if you aren't and if someone does notice you leaving extremely early, they might think that you are bored and take offense.  It's better to attend fewer and stay longer.

[1Q84]

Thanks for the feedback everyone! 

 

I didn't attend a professor's reading of her poetry this weekend so hopefully I won't be disparaged for that. Some others have never attended and they seem to be doing fine...

 

I'm joined the departmental book club and the next meeting is tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to that!