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Wanting to lash out


dherres
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Is anyone else getting pressured by parents/significant others/etc to go to a certain school? "When do you want to visit that school?" "We can use our sky miles and pay for your car and hotel." "Tell us as soon as possible because there's not much time left." "We can celebrate your sister's birthday another time if you should go this weekend." AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

YES I realize that this school has offered me funding! YES I realize that it's the smarter option financially! YES I realize that there's less risk involved! YES I realize that it's what I "should" do!

BUT I want to go to that school instead....... I'm doing the best I can so leave me the eff-ing eff alone!

I'm imagining myself as a nonspecific species of feline, backed against a corner, desperately looking around for an escape and trying to hold back clawing out the eyes of his trappers in a frenzy of frantic howls.

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In the end it's your decision to make and your life to live. You'll be the one happy with your decision, or regretting it. Take everyone's advice into consideration. Definitely visit both schools--visits can make a huge difference in your priorities. But then decide whichever way your heart desires*.

*I think you should set aside parents'/friends'/adviser's desires from what your SO wants. Assuming (s)he will be following you wherever you choose to go, they should get to have a say in the decision. After all, it will directly affect their lives as well.

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*I think you should set aside parents'/friends'/adviser's desires from what your SO wants. Assuming (s)he will be following you wherever you choose to go, they should get to have a say in the decision. After all, it will directly affect their lives as well.

Luckily, I don't have to worry about a SO ( :( ?); I threw that in there for those who might. ;)

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This is why my mother-in-law doesn't even know which schools I applied to. :lol:

My parents have expressed preferences, but when they hear my reasoning about why I don't want to go to a certain place, they accept it as logical. Luckily, my dad has a Ph.D. and mom has a M.A. so they both know how important it is to choose your grad school carefully.

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I totally hear you. I got two acceptances off the bat- one at my current school and one in the city where my parents and in-laws live. Since my mother-in-law is convinced that my husband is absolutely perfect and I'm an evil harpy for stealing him away, I really didn't want to deal with the inevitable guilt to return to our hometown, or her horror if I chose to pass up on a chance to reunite the faaaaamily. This is a really sore spot between us (according to her, I "don't DO family". According to me, she's insane.) so I very deliberately protected myself from a potential fight. As much as she's crazy, we do usually get along well, and I don't want to start waves where I don't have to.

My husband and I agreed to keep the news from his folks for a couple of weeks so that we could think through the options on our own. When I decided to visit our hometown, we let his parents know that I had an offer and was visiting. However, I deliberately made the trip short to avoid having dinner with them. I felt like a gigantic bitch for a while, but restricting contact and information really helped us make the decision in peace. When we eventually DID decide to move to the city where they live, we got to tell them the news as a big, happy surprise, without any angst or guilt messing with our clarity. I strongly recommend taking care of yourself by backing away from your family, just temporarily.

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I cannot sympathize with this as a graduate hurdle for me but I can as an Undergraduate.

When I was 16-17 years old I had a romance with an out-of-state English teacher who was good friends with my best friend's mother. We fooled around and ultimately I planned to elope with him, regardless of the fact he was over three times my age.

So, I picked a school and hell hath no fury compared to my parents in their attempt to get me not to go. The anger, the arguements, the frustration and the outright denials. But, I was a gal in love and ignored it all because of him. Of course, this was a bizarre May-December romance and doomed from the get go due to lies and secrets on his part... It ended shortly after my arrival here and I was stuck, left 350 miles from home with a year to go at a school I didn't personally want to be at.

Somehow, regardless of the fact I was an imbecile, it worked out. I not only got an escape, I had the best four years of my life. There's a sheer 'luck' factor implied, but it was my choice no matter how it had turned out. I own up to that completely and you need to do that with this choice like we all do.

So lash out! Get angry. Get really angry. Put people off - and I'm serious - do it! This is not anyone else's choice, this is not something that you will blame or thank anyone else for. You have the reins, you have the power of choice, this is your decision and do not pawn it off or let others take it from you.

Own this crisis moment - where you make the call on that fated decision. The rest of those folks - family or not -, with opinions like assholes - as everyone has one, need to understand this decision is yours, and yours alone!

No pressure. 8)

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I took the LSATs and was going to apply to law school, mainly because I felt that my boyfriend and mother really wanted me to - in particular my mother who put a lot of pressure on me. I come from a single-parent household and am the oldest so I've always felt the need to try and please my mom. But one day I said to myself "why am I doing this?" I realized I wasn't interested in studying law, other than international law, and that I did not want to spend three years studying aspects of the law i didn't care about - with people who for the most part strike me as a bunch of self-important douchebags.

So I turned on a dime and applied to grad school instead. The reaction from my mother? "I'm disappointed." The reaction from me? "Then maybe you should have applied to law school." :D

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When I was 16-17 years old I had a romance with an out-of-state English teacher who was good friends with my best friend's mother. We fooled around and ultimately I planned to elope with him, regardless of the fact he was over three times my age.

So, I picked a school and hell hath no fury compared to my parents in their attempt to get me not to go. The anger, the arguements, the frustration and the outright denials. But, I was a gal in love and ignored it all because of him. Of course, this was a bizarre May-December romance and doomed from the get go due to lies and secrets on his part... It ended shortly after my arrival here and I was stuck, left 350 miles from home with a year to go at a school I didn't personally want to be at.

Somehow, regardless of the fact I was an imbecile, it worked out. I not only got an escape, I had the best four years of my life. There's a sheer 'luck' factor implied, but it was my choice no matter how it had turned out. I own up to that completely and you need to do that with this choice like we all do.

Wow, that's quite a story! I admire your willingness to share it!

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So lash out! Get angry. Get really angry. Put people off - and I'm serious - do it! This is not anyone else's choice, this is not something that you will blame or thank anyone else for. You have the reins, you have the power of choice, this is your decision and do not pawn it off or let others take it from you.

Own this crisis moment - where you make the call on that fated decision. The rest of those folks - family or not -, with opinions like assholes - as everyone has one, need to understand this decision is yours, and yours alone!

Hear, hear! Having made my own dumb up-and-move life adventure, I can vouch for the comfort that comes from knowing that you're living your life the way you chose it...for better or for worse. :) I'd rather be saying "well, this kind of sucks, but I got myself into this", instead of "well, this sucks, I really shouldn't've listened to so-and-so".

Plus, the flip side of a bad decision is a good learning experience. :wink:

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