Statement of Purpose - is it really bad to say "I enjoy" or "I like"?

[Caylynn]

Okay, so I know for the statement of purpose it is better to "show" than "tell."  But is it always bad to say things such as "I enjoy such and such..." and then give a concrete example of a situation where you demonstrated that enjoyment?  I'm finding it awkward to just introduce my examples without a preface stating what I'm trying to demonstrate.

 

For example, is it okay to say "I am committed to lifelong learning.  As a xxxxx at yyyyy I have continued to expand my knowledge of zzzz and my skills in aaaa through attending workshops and conferences several times a year, such as Big Name Confernce in the field."

 

Thanks!

[Cesare]

It is fine, but don't use it too often. I think I used it 2x in my 1200 word statement. Example:  "I would like to examine X and Y..." or "I enjoyed this topic because..."

[Loric]

Okay, so I know for the statement of purpose it is better to "show" than "tell."  But is it always bad to say things such as "I enjoy such and such..." and then give a concrete example of a situation where you demonstrated that enjoyment?  I'm finding it awkward to just introduce my examples without a preface stating what I'm trying to demonstrate.

 

For example, is it okay to say "I am committed to lifelong learning.  As a xxxxx at yyyyy I have continued to expand my knowledge of zzzz and my skills in aaaa through attending workshops and conferences several times a year, such as Big Name Confernce in the field."

 

Thanks!

 

Just work to rephrase sequntial "I..." statements. It makes the flow go better.

 

"I like peanuts."

 

"Peanuts bring me pleasure."

 

--

 

"I would like to get into your school."

 

"Getting into your school would be enjoyable."

 

--

 

Silly.. but it works.

 

Don't forget:

 

Also, additionally, consequently, further, subsequently...

 

Try to pair statements and have things flow into each other. "There has always been a keen interest in XYZ in my academic studies, consequently I have found myself attending... While in attendance I was introduced to .... which proved so fascinating that I began to study... and later became invovled in... because of... Further, my career has adapted to involve.. Additionally.. Furthermore.. Also.. Hence.. Wence.. Hithertofor.."

[Loric]

Also, the phrase "committed to lifelong learning" was like nails on a chalkboard. It sounds like a corporate postive-action buzzword... Avoid.

[Loric]

"My academic interests include.." - everyone assumes you like your interests.

[Caylynn]

Thanks Loric!  That definitely helps.

 

I guess I'll have to work on a better way of phrasing the lifelong learning bit for the programs that state that are looking for candidates who demonstrate initiative, self-direction, and lifelong learning skills.

[socioholic]

Loric's advice is good. In attempting to avoid using "I" so much to start a sentence, I found more descriptive ways of saying what I wanted to say (I hope.). it's a good practice.

Could you say "attending workshops and conferences several times a year, such as Big Name Confernce in the field, fuels(?) my commitment to lifelong learning/professional development(or however you will phrase that). ?

[juilletmercredi]

Just work to rephrase sequntial "I..." statements. It makes the flow go better.

 

Be careful if you do this; don't use the passive voice.  There's nothing wrong with using simple language ("I enjoy...") as long as you're not repetitive.  For example, I would not say "Getting into your school would be enjoyable."  I would simply say "I wish to attend Awesome University's program in X because Y."  Then elaborate.

 

attending workshops and conferences several times a year, such as Big Name Confernce in the field, fuels(?) my commitment to lifelong learning/professional development(or however you will phrase that). ?

 

This is a great example of that.  This is wordy and long and unclear.  Why not just say "I attend several workshops and conferences per year, and I find that they enhance my professional development.  For example, at XXX Conference, I was able to explore beachside basketweaving, an area of weaving to which I had not been exposed."

 

For example, is it okay to say "I am committed to lifelong learning.  As a xxxxx at yyyyy I have continued to expand my knowledge of zzzz and my skills in aaaa through attending workshops and conferences several times a year, such as Big Name Confernce in the field."

 

This is too long and wordy.  See above.

Edited November 14, 2013 by juilletmercredi

[Caylynn]

Thanks all!  Appreciate the different points of view and suggestions.  They definitely help!