Could you check these sentences, please? Which one is correct?

[ugur07]

I need your help. I want to add this info. into my SOP.

Which one is the correct format ? 

 

I was able to achieve my aim by ranking 4568th among nearly 210,000 candidates  in the Nationwide Selection Examination for Academic Personnel and Graduate Studies, which is similar to GRE, and I was awarded the full scholarship.

 

I was able to achieve my aim by scoring in the 98% percentile in the Nationwide Selection Examination for Academic Personnel and Graduate Studies, which is similar to GRE, and I was awarded the full scholarship.

 

I was able to achieve my aim by scoring in the 2% percentile in the Nationwide Selection Examination for Academic Personnel and Graduate Studies, which is similar to GRE, and I was awarded the full scholarship.

 

Could you help me, please ? 

Thank you

[Loric]

The 99th percentile is the highest possible ranking, there is no 100th percentile.. so you're probably trying to express that you did well, thus the 98th percentile is the correct wording.

[ugur07]

According to my calculation : (4568/210000)*100=2.2% or 97.8%

 

What about the sentence structure? 

 

I was able to achieve my aim by scoring in the 98% percentile in the Nationwide Selection Examination for Academic Personnel and Graduate Studies, which is similar to GRE, and I was awarded the full scholarship.

[Loric]

Stop putting % after the number.. that's not how the English works. It's "98th percentile."

[ugur07]

Stop putting % after the number.. that's not how the English works. It's "98th percentile."

Ok. Does it work "98th percentile" according to the calculation ?

[snaps]

Your sentence is quite wordy. If I were you, I'd try shortening it (it'll help with the word count) and writing it in active voice. For example:

 

"I scored in the 98th percentile in the Nationwide Selection Examination for Academic Personnel and Graduate Studies, a test which is similar to the GRE, and, as a result, was awarded a full scholarship." 

 

Just some food for thought. 

[ugur07]

Your sentence is quite wordy. If I were you, I'd try shortening it (it'll help with the word count) and writing it in active voice. For example:

 

"I scored in the 98th percentile in the Nationwide Selection Examination for Academic Personnel and Graduate Studies, a test which is similar to the GRE, and, as a result, was awarded a full scholarship." 

 

Just some food for thought. 

Thank you for your advice

[danieleWrites]

Correct is the wrong word. They are all "correct". What you're looking for is which sentence is best to 1) convey the information you are providing, 2) convince the reader(s) that this information is meaningful and impressive, and 3) use that information to persuade the reader(s) to offer you admission with funding.

 

So. It's the statistics question. Which is more impressive: 1 in 5 women will be raped this year. 20% of women will be raped this year. It's the exact same thing, but the first "statistic" is more chilling because it seems bigger. It's why stores always sell thing in terms of 2 for 10 dollars.

 

Your first sentence is meaningless, rhetorically. The numbers are too large and can't be well related to each other. Of the final two sentences, which is better, to tell them that you scored in the 98th percentile, or that you score in the top 2%?

 

As for the wording of your sentence, without the context surrounding it, I wouldn't judge the syntax (way you've ordered the words). The beginning of your original sentences implies an important transition. Your previous sentence(s) are ostensibly about your goals. This sentence is about how you're reaching them. An abrupt shift from your goals to your scores is generally not good rhetoric. A transition from one idea to another is generally good rhetoric.

 

A suggestion:

 

I was able to achieve my aim by scoring in the top 2% in the Nationwide Selection Examination, which is similar to the GRE, and was awarded the full scholarship.

 

You can shorten it in several ways, if you need the extra space for other parts of your SOP. However, there is an attitude difference between something like "I was able to achieve" and "I achieved". They mean the same thing on a literal level, but one of them is slightly less arrogant. I,personally, like the phrase "I was able" because it inserts your sense of ability. However, "I achieved" has a sense of economy and of confidence. These are style choices, not choices of correctness.

[TakeruK]

I agree that 1 in 5 sounds bigger than 20%. But, I think profs are used to seeing percentiles from GRE scores already, or discussing things in the top X%. So, I think it should be equally effective to say 98th percentile or the top 2%. Personally, I would prefer to say "top 2%".

 

I would also prefer to say something much simpler, such as:

 

"I scored in the top 2% in the Nationwide Selection Examination, an exam similar to the GRE, and won a full scholarship." [scholarship to what though?]

 

or

 

"I achieved my goal by scoring in the top 2%....etc"

 

But I agree that if your previous sentences were about your goals, then this sentence should have some kind of connector to them, unless the connection was obvious. For example, if you stated that your goal was to do well in the exam or to win the scholarship, then I don't think you need to mention it again here.

 

Personally, I would write something like "I was able to achieve..." if I wanted to convey a sense that something was very difficult but I was able to overcome the obstacles and achieve my goal in the end. I would write "I achieved ..." if the reason for the sentence is to just state what I had achieved. That is, I feel the former puts more emphasis on the fact that you did something difficult while the latter puts emphasis on what it was that you actually achieved. So, the "right" choice depends on what you want to say!