How to reply a prof who suddenly denied agreeing to write LoR

[delusionalized]

Hi, 

Can anyone help me with this confusing situation?

I visited this prof during her office hours and she clearly agreed to write an LoR for me. She asked me to pass her more details.

And today when I emailed her thanking her for agreeing to write the LoR, this is what she said

"As for the letter of recommendation, I can't remember promising to write a strong letter of recommendation for you.

But maybe X (my Teaching Assistant/Grad Student) did, she knows you better than I do."

 

 

 

 I'm not sure how t reply her. I would really want to have her write it, as I dont really have anyone else in mind. Not sure if she forgot who I am, and need some reminder, or should I just not pursue it??

please advise me on what to do ):

[Sigaba]

Why not ask X?

[Jungshin]

Maybe the 'more information' you gave her didn't help your case. Or maybe she just changed her mind and now she's too busy. Or maybe she thought you were someone else when you dropped by her office.

 

Whatever the case is, I wouldn't pursue it. I would agree with the poster above and ask X or find another professor to write an LOR for you. 

 

Sorry about your situation. 

[delusionalized]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought graduate programs don't value LoRs writted by graduate students? In some cases it may hurt you even?

I would approach X to write for me too, if not for the fact that she's not a professor, only a grad student.

However, I've emailed X to ask her to check on the situation on my behalf, so I can tell if this is a 'rejection' or just a simple case of identity misunderstanding...

[TexasGuy]

she sounds like a dumb bitch..

 

find someone else..quickly.

[Eigen]

she sounds like a dumb bitch..

 

find someone else..quickly.

 

That's a ..... productive reply. 

 

I'd guess that the professor thought you were someone else- it's one of the reasons a lot of professors ask students to provide materials before they write. It's also possible you misunderstood her saying she would write you a letter for her second statement, which is that she can't write you a strong letter. 

 

The difference in phrasing, to me, indicates that she was willing, but on review of your materials she realized it could not be a strong one. 

 

That's probably a better situation for her to tell you up front, then for her to not tell you and just write you a moderate or borderline letter. 

[Sigaba]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought graduate programs don't value LoRs writted by graduate students? In some cases it may hurt you even?

I would approach X to write for me too, if not for the fact that she's not a professor, only a grad student.

However, I've emailed X to ask her to check on the situation on my behalf, so I can tell if this is a 'rejection' or just a simple case of identity misunderstanding...

 

At some schools (for example, Cal) graduate students do much--if not most--of the teaching and admissions committees are generally aware of this fact and don't hold it against applicants.

 

Also, if X is committed to teaching and knows you and your work, she might actually write you a better LOR than the professor.

[myoranges]

To add -- have the graduate student write the letter, and have the professor co-sign it.

[nadimishka]

As others have said, having X write it might not be a bad idea, but no matter what DO NOT have that prof write your LOR. Better to find someone else at the last minute than have a bad LOR.... I got denied from five schools because one of my LOR's was an a** who should have just told me he wouldn't write one.

[IRToni]

I had a very similar situation happen to me. Went to Prof's office hours, she said she'd write me a LoR, and that I don't have to tell her each time, bc she had written me one twice before. Then, when I sent her the material, entered her in the online systems etc., she couldn't remember, and said she was too busy.

 

I immediately searched another LoR writer (and found one luckily), and took the blame. Wrote her an email back apologizing for the confusion, explaining why I had a different impression than she did etc.

 

I'm hoping it won't leave a lasting, negative impression of me with her, as I actually really liked her etc.

 

The other LoR writer has also been great, extremely on top of things, super nice etc., so it all worked out. I would say that you'll just have to roll with it. Trying to get prof A to write you a letter now will only reflect negatively on you, and even if she does agree, it likely won't be positive. DO you have another professor you could ask?