Dating in Grad School?

[y2kwizard]

The thread entitled "relationships" is a great place for people currently in relationships to discuss how grad school affects their plans. But I've been wondering about those of us who are single and hope to meet someone in grad school. I believe it would be a great place to find someone with similar goals. Most grads are smart, hard-working, and passionate about what they do and are seeking people with similar qualities.

Does anyone here have experience with the grad school dating scene? Is it difficult to find someone when you're so specialized and don't get to meet people from other areas? In what venues have you met people to date? Is anyone frustrated by lack of options (especially in fields dominated by a single gender)?

My undergraduate experience has been discouraging thus far. I'm at a very small, male-dominated engineering school, and my options have been extremely limited for four years. I'm hoping that changes at my big state school next year.

[Stories]

I guess it really depends. In my MPH program, there were way more women than men, but because nearly everyone is older and mature than in undergrad, I found far more folks were already in relationships (whether committed relationships or married).

During my interview day for Yale, most of the interviewees had significant others, as well. Just an observation I had.

[belowthree]

A PhD program in EE isn't going to have an even balance in any school you go to.

That said, if you're going to a large state school you could always just date the undergrads. That seems to be what a lot of the graduate students I know seem to end up doing...

Not what you were really hoping to hear, was it?

[nsfhopeful]

I am finding it very frustrating these first couple of years. My department is small and all but three of us are in committed relationships (many with kids). I normally date older (not a lot older, just a few years) people so undergrads are definitely out of the question. Plus, they seem so immature. I find myself crushing on professors, which obviously is not going to go anywhere. I figure I will meet someone when I get my first job, just like I thought I would meet someone in grad school rather than undergrad...

[dherres]

I normally date older (not a lot older, just a few years) people so undergrads are definitely out of the question. Plus, they seem so immature.

Ditto!!

I find myself crushing on professors, which obviously is not going to go anywhere.

I don't know..... ever read PhD comics?

[teaganc]

I know people who successfully dated professors, but I'm not sure enough of them are available and the right age to make that a viable plan. I would try to meet people outside of grad school, especially if you have some other hobby(s), or at the very least, date people outside of your department. Dating within the same department is just asking for drama.

[timuralp]

definitely do date outside of your department. look for clubs you might be interested in, like a wine club, beer club, running club, etc and join it. Also, dating undergrads can be fine, since age is a state of mind. The mature ones are few and far between, but that doesn't mean all of them should be stigmatized.

[kahlan_amnell]

definitely do date outside of your department. look for clubs you might be interested in, like a wine club, beer club, running club, etc and join it. Also, dating undergrads can be fine, since age is a state of mind. The mature ones are few and far between, but that doesn't mean all of them should be stigmatized.

It depends on the school if it is ok to date undergrads. There are some schools/departments that have a policy that grad students cannot date undergrads at the university. That rule usually is for grad students who TA, since any undergrad could end up in their class.

[psycholinguist]

http://www.meetup.com/

[Stories]

http://www.meetup.com/

Online dating is your friend!

[timuralp]

It depends on the school if it is ok to date undergrads. There are some schools/departments that have a policy that grad students cannot date undergrads at the university. That rule usually is for grad students who TA, since any undergrad could end up in their class.

Ok, good point. Check the regulations

I know the particular school I'm in doesn't care, so long as you're not the TA for that class. If you are, you can ask to not have to grade work of some student.

[nsfhopeful]

I don't know..... ever read PhD comics?

Oh, but they're my professors!

Regarding the dating of undergrads, we were told they would kick us out of the department/university if we dated one of our students. "If it's true love, it can wait" is what we were told.

[psycholinguist]

Online dating is your friend!

Heh...that too!

[Stories]

Oh, but they're my professors!

Regarding the dating of undergrads, we were told they would kick us out of the department/university if we dated one of our students. "If it's true love, it can wait" is what we were told.

Hopefully your students are master's level and not undergrads

[belowthree]

Online dating is your friend!

Indeed.

[90sNickelodeon]

I am meeting my husband in grad school. As the English say, FULL STOP. END OF.

[Stories]

I am meeting my husband in grad school. As the English say, FULL STOP. END OF.

[belowthree]

I am meeting my husband in grad school. As the English say, FULL STOP. END OF.

Just dance like your avatar and they'll swarm like locusts.

[t_ruth]

I met my husband online while I was in law school. I knew I didn't want to date another lawyer (I got enough of them during the school/work day!).

Happy hunting!

[stigMPA]

I am meeting my husband in grad school. As the English say, FULL STOP. END OF.

As an international affairs person you might want to know that "full stop" is just British English for the punctuation mark "period" (.).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Full_stop

It's used exactly how we Americans sometimes end a spoken sentence with the word "period" for special emphasis.

[janeng]

I'm about to start grad school in the fall, but I already have a boyfriend (been with him 4+ years and not likely to break up). I'm smart and hard-working, but he's just smart. Not to say he is completely lazy, but he's not what most people would consider hard-working enough (academically) to be a grad student. I actually think he is smarter than I am, but got B's and C's in undergrad because he just couldn't be bothered. He was also more interested in his social life.

I guess my point is that two notably smart, hard-working people aren't always the best match, emotionally. So perhaps some of you future or current grad students could look to lazy girls and boys for romantic happiness!

[t_ruth]

I guess my point is that two notably smart, hard-working people aren't always the best match, emotionally. So perhaps some of you future or current grad students could look to lazy girls and boys for romantic happiness!

or you may get older and realize that you are worth a boy who is both smart AND hard working (or at least smart enough to make As w/out working too hard ).

for me, the diamonds in the rough got old about mid twenties...

[TulipOHare]

or you may get older and realize that you are worth a boy who is both smart AND hard working (or at least smart enough to make As w/out working too hard ).

Right, because your grades and your performance at school determine your entire worth as a person.

[t_ruth]

Right, because your grades and your performance at school determine your entire worth as a person.

I think going for a degree but accepting mediocre results because you failed to try certainly could say something about a person's character - the poster suggested he was lazy and seemed to be justifying...so many women accept less than just because they think they have to, but there are guys out there who are the entire package.

[jackassjim]

so many women accept less than just because they think they have to, but there are guys out there who are the entire package.

Remember this goes both ways. The poster above you was more balanced. Some guys I know have definitely settled for less...