Made a big mistake - Need help

[blip]

I accepted a spot to a PhD program at my undergrad institution. However, I made the decision for my significant other and not for myself. I wanted to go to school B. I thought if I made the decision to go to my undergrad school, I would learn to be okay with it. That is not the case, unfortunately. I can't help but think that I have made the biggest mistake of my life. I do not feel excited about attending the school at all. I want to rescind my acceptance and go to school B. The problem is, I know this is very bad form, and even more importantly, my best letter writer helped me get into the program at my undergrad school so I may possibly burn all my bridges with him if I decide to rescind my acceptance. Any advice? Has anyone been in a similar situation and regretted their decision?

[math123]

Have you declined your other offers yet? No one is going to make you stay where you don't want. They'll have to officially release you, but you shouldn't worry about burning bridges at this point. Your happiness for 4+ years is much more important.

On a side note, good for you. Better now than later. Staying for a significant other is usually a bad idea.

[brinswan]

Don't worry, in the end I think everyone will understand that you need to do what's best for you. Since it's not even April 15 you're perfectly within your rights to rescind. I think you can just apologize for the inconvenience, that you've realized school B is a better fit for you, and thank them for all your help. Just remember, in the end what's a minor inconvenience for them is your entire life. It'll be all right.

[rising_star]

I haven't read the CGS resolution in a while but I always thought that you could back out of an offer and accept another before April 15th without having to ask for a written offer of release from the school you're backing out of. Now, I could be completely wrong about this but it's what I've always thought. You'll definitely want to read the resolution and make sure.

[MaximKat]

Yes. It says that you must inform them in writing, but you don't need their approval. Release is required if you decide to back out after Apr 15.

[jmbky1]

I was talking to a guy who had committed to BU's chem PhD program and after seeing a prof at FSU give a talk at his school, decided to renege on his commitment...IN THE MIDDLE OF MAY.

Needless to say, he's not welcome back on BU's campus ever again. They weren't pleased. BUT, he's able to laugh about this because he knows all that matters is that he ended up where he wanted to be and with the mentor he wanted.

Do what the hell you want to do and don't worry about anyone else.

[commcycle]

Do what the hell you want to do and don't worry about anyone else.

As long as you can hire yourself for a position after graduate, this sounds like great advice.

[Tritonetelephone]

You may find some answers here, I haven't read it in a while:

viewtopic.php?f=8&t=14753

[GraduateSchoolNut]

To the person that said do whatever the hell you want - well... what can I really say? Who here would want to associate with someone with that attitude?

My advice is to do what is best for you, but to treat the people on the other end the way you would want to be treated. As in, tell them NOW, and do not WAIT until the VERY last minute so they cannot get other good candidates. The longer you wait the more rude you are being and the angrier they will be.

[weninger]

I'd talk to your main letter writer and see what he/she thinks. In my opinion, its best to find out the exactly consequences of your actions rather than imagining them.

If your letter writer says that he'll ruin your career or some other nonsense then you can worry about the decision's consequences. But until you ask, you can't know for sure.

Good luck.

[ertanner]

I think that your letter writer will understand that this program may not be the best fit for you. Talk to them - don't bother mentioning your significant other - and say that you have taken some more time to rethink the offers of admission and have changed your mind. They can't hate you for wanting something different.