HYHY02 Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 This is pretty embarrassing enough, but I feel like I'm at the point where I need to find help but here it goes... Before I get into the details, I should preface this by saying that I've had social anxiety and depression (stemming from the anxiety) issues in the past few years (at least I was told so from a psychiatrist, to the point where I was given medication) and it never really subdued. Anyways, long story short, I have essentially two graduate spots, one in my university with my supervisor, and one at a hospital research lab with a "co supervisor". This started late last year near the end of the fall semester. I was expected to go there a couple of days a week and participate in the typical lab work at the hospital, and at least show my face around. However, when I first started, I worked in a portion of the lab room that was empty for the most part at the hospital. Going back to my anxiety issues, this was great. I had contact with some undergrad students every know and then, but it was nice. Anyways, eventually I'm told that I'm a graduate student, and I should be working on the bench areas/lab room with all the other graduate students under this co supervisor. However, I tried going there a few times, and felt like utter **** to be honest. The anxiety just sky rocketed. I felt like they didn't want me there, and that they all thought I was just some weirdo that had no business being there (the lab is affiliated with a great school, where I'm coming from a smaller/less known school, I just felt inferior and felt like they all knew it). I have nothing to back up those thoughts/opinions, but that's what comes with anxiety I suppose. I assumed the people think the worst of me. It got to the point where I would travel over an hour to get to the lab, walk into the building, and just be so struck with fear and anxiety, that I turned away to go back to my university. I now started going late night there to avoid people, and at least to say "well hey supervisor, at least I'm there on a weekly basis, just at night due to my schedule", but at some point, I'm going to get caught with not being around enough. This was seriously an amazing opportunity to work in this co supervised lab, and was actually a big part of why I chose to go where I did, but I feel like I'm throwing it away. I absolutely do not want to discuss with any of my supervisors my past anxiety issues. I just need a way to overcome this. I have this position until fall of this year, and I want to make the most of it this summer (as in being there on a daily basis, and make some effort to integrate myself with the lab). I just feel like a failure at this point but I need to fix it; I just don't know where to begin.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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