Friends and handling jealousy

[Vene]

I don't think I am depressed, not enough to like get help for it.  I just have up and down points. Sometimes I can step back and say "ok you have accomplished so much with regard to school, the relationship will happen when it happens, when it is supposed to" and I can be ok with that other times I am desperately just texting anyone and tinder matching anyone (lol) who is into me and will go out with me and could potentially date me.  It is very up and down for me.  Like when I initially wrote the post I was like angry and annoyed, and my feelings were hurt, I was sad.  I read all the responses and took some time away and came back and posted and I have done that a few times.  It is just up and down I can't describe it.  

To me, this doesn't sound like you're really ruling out depression. My wife suffers from it and it's definitely not a constant thing, it has its ebbs and flows. I don't doubt if you do have depression that it's not terribly severe, but if you do have it therapy or meds can still drastically improve your quality of life.

 

All that said, of course I am not qualified to diagnose anybody with anything. This is also the internet, which makes it impossible to tell even if I was qualified.

[LittleDarlings]

To me, this doesn't sound like you're really ruling out depression. My wife suffers from it and it's definitely not a constant thing, it has its ebbs and flows. I don't doubt if you do have depression that it's not terribly severe, but if you do have it therapy or meds can still drastically improve your quality of life.

 

All that said, of course I am not qualified to diagnose anybody with anything. This is also the internet, which makes it impossible to tell even if I was qualified.

My therapist has suggested an antidepressant.  I decided against it but I think I definitely need to go to therapy more regularly and try to be 100% honest with my therapist.  

[aojfifjoaisjaiosdj]

The easy answer would be for me to just go out and date as much as possible and find someone to get me pregnant ASAP and pray they want to marry me, or find someone who wants to rush as much as I do (I did that actually and he treats me kind of bad, but still holds marriage and babies over my head so I still try).  

 

To be honest, this sounds really unhealthy--especially the bolded part. I'd be scared shitless to date someone like this. If you really want to get married I think you have to work on reducing your obsession with marriage. Very few guys would want to rush as much as you do, and they'd feel really creeped out.

Edited November 18, 2014 by Chiki

[GCool]

My therapist has suggested an antidepressant.  I decided against it but I think I definitely need to go to therapy more regularly and try to be 100% honest with my therapist.  

 

Just curious, but why wouldn't you be 100% honest with your therapist in the first place? That's essentially the whole point of therapy; an objective party who understands mental health is acquiring a detailed history of your emotional life, and presenting a verdict while working with you to better yourself!

 

The idea that you feel like you have to hide stuff from him/her tacked on to the dating stuff screams depression to me. I've dealt with depression/anxiety (more anxiety later in life) for the majority of my life, and I want to repeat Vene's point that it's not a constant feeling. Some days you feel great; "normal", even. But some mornings you wake up and want to just sit there all day. Some afternoons you wonder why you're still around. It can go south really quickly, especially if you're anxious, because those negative thoughts repeat in your head and you can't get them out. It's a dangerous slope if you don't get seek treatment or attempt to understand your issues.

 

If I were a doctor, I'd recommend a low dose of an SSRI to see if certain things would work themselves out. I think going to therapy more regularly would do the same thing for you, though, at least to a certain degree.

[LittleDarlings]

Just curious, but why wouldn't you be 100% honest with your therapist in the first place? That's essentially the whole point of therapy; an objective party who understands mental health is acquiring a detailed history of your emotional life, and presenting a verdict while working with you to better yourself!

 

The idea that you feel like you have to hide stuff from him/her tacked on to the dating stuff screams depression to me. I've dealt with depression/anxiety (more anxiety later in life) for the majority of my life, and I want to repeat Vene's point that it's not a constant feeling. Some days you feel great; "normal", even. But some mornings you wake up and want to just sit there all day. Some afternoons you wonder why you're still around. It can go south really quickly, especially if you're anxious, because those negative thoughts repeat in your head and you can't get them out. It's a dangerous slope if you don't get seek treatment or attempt to understand your issues.

 

If I were a doctor, I'd recommend a low dose of an SSRI to see if certain things would work themselves out. I think going to therapy more regularly would do the same thing for you, though, at least to a certain degree.

I feel stupid sometimes telling her everything, or like I will offend her.  She kind of has the life that I wanted (want) she got married super young, she had kids super young, she is still married, she even has the career that I am going to school for.  I don't want to offend her or for her to think I am weird or something you know? Which I know she won't because it is her job to not be judgmental. I just worry sometimes and feel like I can't tell her everything because I have done stuff that I feel embarrassed about and I have feelings that make me embarrassed so she might really feel like "what is wrong with this girl?"

 

I moved so I have the same therapist from back home and only see her once a month a need to get one out here.  

[GCool]

I feel like you know that what you're doing is more than a little messed up. You want to do social work and therapy and all that, yet you don't feel like you can confide in your own therapist because you might get embarrassed? That's asinine, and it sounds like self-sabotage.

 

Telling your therapist stuff you can't tell anyone else is what makes those sessions so unique and ground-breaking for anxious/depressed people. Holding stuff back during a session is almost doubly unhealthy, since you're probably rationalizing all the stuff you're withholding ("she won't think I'm weird this way", "now I won't offend her") but still feeling better after a session.

 

Let it all out [there, not here, heh]. There's clearly some repressed stuff, here.

[Lisa44201]

I feel stupid sometimes telling her everything, or like I will offend her.  She kind of has the life that I wanted (want) she got married super young, she had kids super young, she is still married, she even has the career that I am going to school for.  I don't want to offend her or for her to think I am weird or something you know? Which I know she won't because it is her job to not be judgmental. I just worry sometimes and feel like I can't tell her everything because I have done stuff that I feel embarrassed about and I have feelings that make me embarrassed so she might really feel like "what is wrong with this girl?"

 

I moved so I have the same therapist from back home and only see her once a month a need to get one out here.  

Check to see if your University has a counseling center, or find a counselor locally. If nothing else, your therapist from back home does not seem like a good therapeutic match for you, if for no other reason than you compare yourself to her. She is also, if I remember correctly, a social worker - I'm not trying to disparage social workers, but the issues you have may be better served by seeing a psychologist. 

[JBums1028]

 

LittleDarlings, on 17 Nov 2014 - 06:56 AM, said:

 

It's enough to just be friendly to her at school- there's no need to force a relationship outside of school with someone you don't mesh with.

 

I agree with this and this is actually a valuable skill to learn. You will encounter many situations where you have to work with/be friendly with people who you wouldn't choose to be friends with in other circumstances. No sense forcing a friendship with someone you'd rather not be friends with, but be amicable with one another in class, group projects, etc.

[Garrus_Vakarian]

Little Darlings: GET OFF that road (married with children at any price) or you will end up miserable and unhappy and you will hate your wife. Love and family does not come because somebody wants to and wants now. Everything happens in a right time and you can't force someone (or yourself) to commit. My god, girl! Please, please, please get it together dudette!! You seem smart, intelligent so stop acting stupid!

[LittleDarlings]

First thread I came across in this sub-forum.  Jesus.  

And.... at least offer productive advice