SOP Evaluation - US 19th C. History.

[ToomuchLes]

In the last few weeks, I revised my SOP several times, concluding with my recent edition below. Let know me what you think! Also, I've been contemplating how to wrap it up nicely (instead of leaving a cliff hanger), so let me know if my conclusion is too pretentious or bold. Many thanks!

 

EDIT: Im also willing to read over other people's SOP, as long as you read over mine. 

 

 

_________________________

 

 While their contributions are rarely acknowledged with towering monuments, and grandiose statues, much of history is, in fact, made by those at the periphery of society: the working class, the disenfranchised, the unheralded, the overlooked. As a refugee, I personally understand how history is shaped to look favorably towards its people and nation, but in other cases as in mine, it is often ignored. If my country of origin deliberately forgets my story, who else will listen?

 

 

As an immigrant raised in a predominately lower-class enclave populated by African-Americans, Eastern Europeans, Latinos, and other non-traditional groups, I came to understand from an early age what it means to live on the margins of mainstream society. In fact, even today, I feel the loneliness of our story purposely pushed aside to represent a fabricated, more seemly, history. Later, my introduction to slave narratives by my best friend's mother, a descendant of slaves herself, helped catalyze my own experience into a passion for historical study and awareness. Her great-grandmother was, supposedly, a victim of the burgeoning domestic slave trade when she was cleaved from her parents, and sold at a young age. This made me acutely aware of the many histories that go unwritten, and, perhaps, unremembered; inspiring my interests in Antebellum American history, which I intend to further explore in graduate school.

 

 

In my first week at the University X, I introduced myself to Professor Y, an expert on social and political slave history. I often visited his office to engage in lively debate and discourse, discussing the topic of slavery, but focusing on how some historical themes are voiced differently, while others are silenced or lack proper representation. Our talks helped bring into focus my burgeoning historical and historiographical interests, something I would not have achieved in regular lectures. Professor Y supplied academic nourishment by exposing me to works by classic period historians like James McPherson, Ira Berlin, Kenneth Stamp, Wilma King and Winthrop Jordan. I discovered how history is defined by a particular generation of historians, and even though historical watersheds remain permanent, perspectives and attitudes change. This newfound knowledge later served me well as a treasurer with Phi Alpha Theta, for which I organized student discussions, guest lectures and raised new questions for interested students.

 

 

My participation in seven research seminars also improved my historical research skills, introduced me to new perspectives concerning historical objectivity, modified my approach to source documents, and honed my writing, research and analytic skills. This training came to fruition in my comparative research on the social and political repercussions of splintered drug cartels in the last twenty five years in Mexico; a topic beyond my normal area of expertise. In this work, as you will note in my sample essay, I engaged with a wide range of sources, integrated different disciplines to strengthen my argument, and synthesized my findings into new theories. My research earned the praised of Professor Z, and helped solidify my interest in continuing the study of history at a higher level. It also demonstrated that I was capable of vocalizing a historical theme by shining new light on a single, ignored historical chapter that plays a bigger role in a much bigger picture.

 

 

These undergraduate experiences have helped clarify the research topics I'd like to study at the University of Waffles, under the guidance of Professor Eggo.

By investigating state, and later federally, imposed legislation, alongside the social trepidation in the border states, like Virginia, patterns that precipitated the domestic slave trade, I would examine the experiences, social roles, and relationships of enslaved children in their environment, away from their families. I would explore their experiences in the major slave markets, the treatment of orphaned slaves by other enslaved families, and the relationship enslaved children shared with their, supposedly, paternal white masters. In addition, I hope to shed new light on the responses of abolitionist groups towards the social and legislative aspects of adolescent slavery. By studying this particular aspect of the slave system, I firmly believe it is possible to gain a greater understanding of not only the Antebellum South, but also of American society as a whole, because many of these enslaved children would represent the first collective generation of freedmen after emancipation. It is their experiences and stories that reveal the consequences of enslaved family division for children, and how they matured differently than if raised by their biological parents.

 

 

My curiosity about the subject introduced me to Professor Eggo's exploration of early American slave and gender history. Her work on the sexual exploitations of slave women, and more recently, her study on the manumission laws of mothers and their children would offer keen insight into the legal relationship enslaved families shared. Likewise, Professor A study on the personal experiences of the African diaspora, abolitionist responses, and the obstacles African peoples faced in legislative emancipation would shape my own research. Finally, historians like B, C, and D would provide additional guidance since their research asks similar questions, albeit about different historical settings than my own area of interest.

In my examination of the available archives at Waffles, with the help of BaconNEggs, the librarian specialist in African American Studies, I've noticed the extensive resources present in the program that will assist my research goals. With access to data sources like the “African-American Mosaic,” and the “Oxford African American Studies Center,” I will have the means of approach to slave memoirs, scholarly essays, historical newspaper articles, and the few extant slave images left. In addition, ____(still researching)___. 

 

 

With scholars strong in nineteenth century U.S history, combined with the extensive resources of the overall program, Waffles is uniquely suited for my own academic and professional goals, allowing me to grow as a historian and contribute to scholarship on Antebellum American history. For my career, I will apply my aforementioned studies to members of a growing community of historians that vocalize the experiences of children in history. Likewise, I will provide new themes for students and historians as an educator drawing more attention to a particular history that, for the most part, has been overlooked.

 

 

I am confident that, in addition to my scholarship, I will provide a rare layer of diversity to the program. My personal experiences with exile from my native country, my time in a refugee camp, immigration to a foreign country, and social rejection can also provide insight for other graduate students in the program, of which I'd gladly share and work alongside. I trust this exchange of resource, between my own and the program at Waffles, will benefit both parties, and in the end, we would both achieve a higher level of success together.

Edited October 21, 2014 by LeventeL

[ToomuchLes]

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[ToomuchLes]

bump

[have2thinkboutit]

Hi there. I am no expert in this but I do think there are a few points for you to consider:

 

1) I'm not sure what the word limit is for you, but this SoP feels rather long. While I enjoy the writing style I think it could be a lot more concise. Particularly the first two paragraphs could be shortened as there are some elements about your personal history that you keep repeating throughout.

 

2) Speaking about your personal history - I understand that it is a great motivator for you and it sounds like you really do have some interesting experiences to share, but I feel that there may be a bit too much of it in your writing. Personally, I would like to hear more about your research interests and related academic/professional experience. I also think that you should state your precise research interests much earlier, preferably in the first paragraph. I felt like you didn't "get to the point" for a long time - and perhaps I wouldn't have perceived the motivational part as rather lengthy if I had known what exactly it was referring to in the first place. 

 

Other than that I think you have some good material here! I enjoyed reading it and am quite intrigued by your background. Good luck! 

[jujubea]

I'm hungry for breakfast now... (seriously)

 

I like your narrative style, it is personal but not overly casual in my opinion. You also seem to do a good job of showing your familiarity with the subject, and of making sure the essay is tailored for the delicious Waffles school to which you're applying. 

 

As the poster above mentioned, there is something a little bit long-winded about it, but I do not know what Waffles' SOP guidelines are.  I have also been told to mention research interests right up front in some of my SOP's. Although in another one, I was told to first discuss my background, and then my research interests... which admittedly feels more natural, and is more in line with what you've done here.

 

Anyway good luck. Your interests are important and your background will make any cohort lucky to have you in it. 

 

When you're all finished, I'm a stellar (actually professional) proofreader, and I'd be happy to check for minor errors before you hit "submit."

[ToomuchLes]

For this particular program, the word limit is 1200 and in total (with a few minor tweaks) it came out to 1147. My other SOPs are 1-2 pages (with one being 500 words), so I did cut out a lot of personal stuff. 

 

Regarding mentioning your research interests early on, I've heard similar comments about it. I think I'll revisit this particular SOP and see how I can modify it, so it flows but also mentions my research topic in the second paragraph, or at least a hint of what Id like to do in grad school. Then I'll go more in depth in paragraph 5. 

 

Many thanks guys ^.^

 

If you need SOP editing, youre more than welcome to PM it to me

[Shep2789]

I'll take you up on your offer to critique mine if I critique yours (see my recently posted topic). I think the perspective of a different field entirely might be helpful.

 

-My knee-jerk reaction is its super long. I don't think its wise to use the full 1200 word limit if most other programs keep it much tighter. I would use it as a cushion to flesh out certain points a little better from your smaller SoPs, but I wouldn't add whole pages of new material. A lot of other applicants are going to just repurpose their smaller ones and yours might stick out as being particularly wordy. The AdComms are made of humans and will appreciate the more succinct statements, I think.

-I would cut the first sentence and integrate the second into the second paragraph, making that your start. I'm a fan of just starting with facts about yourself as AdComms are generally populated by people who shun fluff and flare.

-I think the 3rd and 4th paragraphs can be combined and stripped down.

-I would keep lists capped at 3 items.

-MD programs are training future public servants, so its important to show that you do things besides straight medicine for them. PhD programs, however, are training scholars and future experts. They want to know that you're dedicated to your field so mentioning unrelated extracurriculars (such as fraternity involvement) can actually hurt, even if its demonstrating leadership.

-specifying seven research seminars rubs me wrong, so it might have the same effect on an AdComm member. Its impressive that you did so many, but I'd leave that for your transcript to say and just say "research seminars".

 

Otherwise, its pretty nice.