How to right a conclusion paragraph?

[chemtocs]

I am wondering how to finish my sop. I would like to conclude and reiterate my interests in the program. But I don't know how organize this. Could anyone help with that? 

 

Thank you in advance and hope you all good luck!

 

Below is what i wrote. But I think it is not what I want. I am an international student. So, there maybe some mistakes...

 

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With my strong theoretical and practical background combined with my enthusiasm in teaching, I believe that I can be successful in my graduate study.

 

 

I think the ***department at the University of Massachusetts is an ideal place to get in for the following three reasons. First of all, your department is among the best *** research institutes. Second, the faculties of your department, especially Dr.*** and Dr. ***, are doing the research which is fascinating and challenging and matches my interest. Last but not least, you have a very close relationship with many research centers. I think I would really enjoy this wonderful atmosphere if I could do research at your school.

 

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I am wondering do I need to make it more detailed. For example, the last reason, do I need to include the names of specific research centers and the reason why i like them?

[ashiepoo72]

I think saying that the "department is among the best *** research institutes" is vague and sounds like pandering. You should be specific, like "the department's strength in [insert methodology, field, etc here] makes it particularly suited to my research focus in [insert research interests here and why they connect]."

 

You wouldn't say "faculties," that implies multiple departments. Say faculty--"The department's strong faculty, particularly Dr. X and Dr. Y whose research in [blank] [insert how their research is relevant to yours]" Don't vaguely say "matches my interest," but SHOW how your interest aligns with their research.

 

I would not write "last but not least" because it comes off as juvenile--I would say something like "In addition, resources such as X research center make Y University the best location for my graduate work."

 

Your last sentence is unnecessary and also somewhat juvenile. The programs don't want to hear about their wonderful atmosphere, unless you connect it to how wonderful the research/professional opportunities are.

 

Your statement should be professional and focused on your graduate school work and goals.

[tangerine15]

A great piece of advice I was given was to not compliment programs or POIs in your SOP.  If a university has an excellent program and faculty, they know that and they don't need you to tell them.  Rather, spend those words explaining the specific reasons you would be a good fit in the program.

[chemtocs]

I think saying that the "department is among the best *** research institutes" is vague and sounds like pandering. You should be specific, like "the department's strength in [insert methodology, field, etc here] makes it particularly suited to my research focus in [insert research interests here and why they connect]."

 

You wouldn't say "faculties," that implies multiple departments. Say faculty--"The department's strong faculty, particularly Dr. X and Dr. Y whose research in [blank] [insert how their research is relevant to yours]" Don't vaguely say "matches my interest," but SHOW how your interest aligns with their research.

 

I would not write "last but not least" because it comes off as juvenile--I would say something like "In addition, resources such as X research center make Y University the best location for my graduate work."

 

Your last sentence is unnecessary and also somewhat juvenile. The programs don't want to hear about their wonderful atmosphere, unless you connect it to how wonderful the research/professional opportunities are.

 

Your statement should be professional and focused on your graduate school work and goals.

Thank you so much! Good luck!

[chemtocs]

A great piece of advice I was given was to not compliment programs or POIs in your SOP.  If a university has an excellent program and faculty, they know that and they don't need you to tell them.  Rather, spend those words explaining the specific reasons you would be a good fit in the program.

thank you! good luck!

[StudyStar]

These are strong words of advice. Moreover, I think you should fit your reasons for selecting the Univ. of Massachusetts in a different paragraph - maybe the second-to-last. And develop the ideas more - this is an important part of the SOP and it shouldn't be limited to just a few sentences at the end.

This sentence - "With my strong theoretical and practical background combined with my enthusiasm in teaching, I believe that I can be successful in my graduate study" - is well stated but I think it could be better. Use stronger, more emphatic language ("I am confident that..." rather than "I believe that....", for example.) These little things go a long way toward improving the SOP, especially the conclusion, which of course should finish on a high note and leave the reader with an impression of who you are as a person and scholar.

David

Edited December 24, 2014 by fuzzylogician
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