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StudyStar

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  1. In such cases (which are, as one might expect, common), we advise our clients to simply de-emphasize the negative aspect and emphasize the theme of progress, i.e. that since your rocky start, you underwent a dramatic turnaround and are a completely different student/person now, and that you have learned from your early mistakes. This is something professional editing can assist with, if you are so inclined. Pete
  2. I second the above poster's input. Stronger language will help make a more convincing, impressive SOP. Regarding including a "statement of personal history," I think it's a wise move, and something we sometimes advise our clients to do, although you can't assume that anyone will read it. Just bear that in mind. Feel free to message me with any questions; I work for a company (StudyStar, Inc.) that provides editing services and consulting for grad school applications. Pete studystarinc.com
  3. I actually think it could be advantageous, especially if most PhD candidates in your field eventually go into academia. It could distinguish you from the pack and provide interesting material for the SOP. Feel free to send me a message if you want additional professional guidance (I work for a writing/editing/consulting company focused on grad school admissions.) Pete studystarinc.com
  4. I work with a company that assists applicants with SOP writing and editing. Send me a PM with your draft and I can give you some feedback.
  5. It's a good start, but it needs a better introduction and better organization between ideas. Ideally, the SOP shouldn't have sub-headings (Introduction, Motivation, etc.) - it should just flow smoothly and naturally between paragraphs.
  6. Like a conclusion for any kind of writing, the most important thing (as others have stated) is to briefly reiterate your main ideas and end on a positive note. Use strong, emphatic language. If you have some kind of "hook" or theme (and ideally, you should) tie it together in the final paragraph. I generally advise against saying "thank you and I look forward to hearing from you"; it's courteous but redundant, and, I think, better suited to a job application letter than an SOP (even if they are similar in nature.) Hope this helps! David
  7. These are strong words of advice. Moreover, I think you should fit your reasons for selecting the Univ. of Massachusetts in a different paragraph - maybe the second-to-last. And develop the ideas more - this is an important part of the SOP and it shouldn't be limited to just a few sentences at the end. This sentence - "With my strong theoretical and practical background combined with my enthusiasm in teaching, I believe that I can be successful in my graduate study" - is well stated but I think it could be better. Use stronger, more emphatic language ("I am confident that..." rather than "I believe that....", for example.) These little things go a long way toward improving the SOP, especially the conclusion, which of course should finish on a high note and leave the reader with an impression of who you are as a person and scholar. David
  8. A good question. I think that under no circumstances should they open with a quote; it's trite and shows a lack of originality. (The SOP, especially the introduction, should be in your words, not those of someone else.) Sometimes it's acceptable to include a quotation elsewhere in the writing, as you intend to, but make sure it really does connect directly with the main point of your writing and is not merely inspirational "fluff" (another common pitfall of SOP writing.)
  9. Good start, but one thing the introduction lacks is a solid thematic "hook" to tie the different ideas together and introduce the writing in a memorable and unique way. I encourage clients to shy away from opening the first paragraph with "My intended area of focus..." or "I would like to study XXX because..." You should explain it in a more powerful way, one that sets you apart from many other well-qualified candidates. Sincerely, David
  10. All good questions. Indeed, doing both a personal history statement and a personal statement can be challenging because often, there is a lot of overlap, but look at it as an opportunity to include more information than what's normally allowed by the narrow confines and limited word count of a standard SOP/personal statement. A couple months ago I helped another member of this forum with the exact same problem and together we came up with a good way of distinguishing one piece of writing from the other in a way that hit all the major points of what the program to which he was applying was looking for. First, it is important to elaborate on why you're interested in that field. Obviously, you want to say more than just "I want to be a professor", even if you have to "fake it 'til you make it"; demonstrate a true passion or driving interest in this field among all the different areas of study you could pursue. Of course, do work in your interest in becoming a professor; just "spin it" in such a way that communicates your strong interest in teaching and pedagogy (rather than, say, because it's a good, well-paying career - a totally legit reason, but one best to leave out of the SOP.) Specificity is a good thing; don't shy away from it. It's what distinguishes you from others, and makes your writing unique and genuine-sounding. Addressing a problem in the field you'd like to solve is a good jumping off point. As for quotations, I generally advise my clients to avoid them, since the SOP should be in your words, not those of someone else, and quotes (especially of the inspirational variety) easily fall into the realm of cliche. If you feel you must use a quote, definitely don't start the essay with it - this is a huge no-no of SOP writing.
  11. The good thing about your SOP is that you provide a lot of specific details about projects you have worked on and contributed to, and the anecdote about the Android app makes for a strong opener/hook (you just need to develop it more.) One thing that jumps out at me right away is the length; at over 1,000 words, it's a bit long (this can be fixed in two ways: 1) phrasing things in a less wordy way, and 2) cutting excess details. Does the program specify a word count limit? You need a better way of tying all these paragraphs together in a way that gives the SOP organization/structure and allows it to "flow" smoothly and logically from one paragraph to the next. Also, this statement is problematic: "I must admit I had no technology background prior to my undergraduate studies which affected my scores in my freshman year. However, I persevered and took up online courses while working on my other modules." It's not quite clear what you mean. The wording could also be changed to de-emphasize the negative aspect and EMPHASIZE the positive. Something like "Although I had no technology background prior to my undergraduate studies, I faced the challenge head-on by taking on online courses...." In this way, you can say the same thing without stating directly that your scores/grades were affected. Hope this helps! David
  12. I agree with the above poster. A "story" format might be too unconventional, but if you can bring some creativity to the SOP and change up the routine way of doings things, it may impress whoever's reading your writing and at the very least help distinguish you among many other applicants. Just don't get too abstract or off-the-wall with it! And don't sacrifice content at the expense of creativity - as the above person stated, make sure it addresses everything they need to know about you. David
  13. I always advise my clients to stay within the word limit. Perhaps you wouldn't be disqualified, but it looks bad. If they set the limit at 400 words, there's a reason for it. And yes, 400 words is tough because it usually mean you have to leave out some details, but that's the challenge. As for your second question, it's probably flexible - basically, use whatever format allows you to best express yourself. Another piece of advice I would give you, which doesn't have to do with the SOP per se but is sound advise in general, is to call the office and ask your question over the phone. These days, it seems, no one actually wants to use this magical device called "the phone." Admissions offices are so inundated with phone calls this time of year that sometimes, you're more likely to speak directly with the person you need via a phone call. David
  14. Hello! I'm a professional SOP editor/consultant with StudyStar Inc., and I'd be happy to review your SOP. Feel free to PM it to me. David studystarinc.com
  15. I hope I can add to the useful feedback the other forum members have given you. First, I would suggest deleting the whole paragraph that starts with, "I count my interest and career decision as most fortunate, because my graduation as a civil engineer coincides with a worldwide boom in construction"; 1) because this paragraph mostly talks about the state of the industry rather when you should be focusing on your own attributes, and 2) schools don't really like to hear that your motivation for applying is because it's a thriving industry with a lot of jobs. (The same goes for "because I can make money in this field," which some students say in their SOP.) And yes, that's a perfectly valid reason to study something, but if you want to get accepted, you should frame your interest in terms of intellectual curiosity and academic enthusiasm. It will vastly improve how your SOP is received. As for vocabulary, I disagree with the idea that writing quality (of which vocabulary is an important part) is not really important for science programs. It IS important. BUT indeed, you should not use fancy words just for the sake of using them, especially if you aren't entirely sure how they're used (or are over-relying on a thesaurus). In that case, plain, simple English is probably better. Also, this paragraph is problematic: "The primary reason why I am keen to apply to XXX University is its strong reputation for academic excellence built over the years and research carried on in its various departments. Especially, the Civil Engineering Department is recognized for well-structured courses taught by expert faculty. The course contents of the University also match my needs, which assure me that the challenging curriculum will bring out the best in me." Believe me, they will know that you simply plugged in a different name into XXX, because the things you name are generic. "Well-structured courses," "expert faculty," "academic excellence" - you could say this about virtually any school. Be more specific. I've been doing independent consulting/writing/editing for grad school applicants for a few years and recently started working with a new company called StudyStar (studystarinc.) If you're interested, we can help you fix these problems, give your writing the more sophisticated style/vocabulary you're looking for, and address other issues present in your SOP. No pressure though. But if you want some professional, one-on-one help, visit our website or send me a PM.
  16. Sometimes it's okay to use the same essay (or, at least, most of the same content), as long as the different schools are asking the EXACT same question. But certain schools are looking for a specific kind of candidate, and you can tailor your SOP to respond to what they're looking for, so a "generic" one-size-fits-all essay will be a disadvantage to you.
  17. Congrats on your excellent academic record. Your SOP is off to a good start. Yes, a hook would help tie it all together and create a stronger, more attention-grabbing introduction. On that note, I would suggest cutting most of the first sentence; it is redundant to say "I want to pursue a doctoral degree in Materials Science and Engineering at University XXXX" (that is already clear from the fact that you are applying! Don't worry, this is one of the most common SOP mistakes. But cutting redundant phrases can really improve the essay and also free up room for you to talk about more important things.) Instead, in the first sentence, you could use your anecdote about your early experiences on your grandfather's farm as the hook, explaining how that gave rise to your interest in machinery and equipment. Then, connect the hook to your current desire to study "solar cells and other photovoltaics used to generate electricity." How to seamlessly connect those two rather different ideas? Well, there are a number of ways; here's where it helps to get a little creative, and choose your words/construct your sentences carefully. Another simple but effective way of improving your SOP would be to use stronger, more emphatic verbs and adjectives. For example, instead of saying "I am very interested in the materials used to fabricate solar cells and I would like to work to make them more efficient at producing power and more cost effective for consumers," you could perhaps say something like "At a time when the world is in dire need of new sources of energy, I am passionate about the potential of solar energy and hope to dedicate myself to making this promising technology more efficient and more accessible to consumers." It says the same thing but with more vivid language, and also connects your interest to a broader social purpose. It might seem like things like choosing certain verbs and adjectives are unimportant, especially for a program in Materials Science or some other "hard science," but it can actually make a lot of difference in how the SOP is received (and at the very least, make you seem like an excellent writer in addition to being a well-qualified engineer.) Hope this helps! David
  18. In my experience, this is an issue that surfaces regularly. It's a challenge, indeed, but it's also an opportunity to demonstrate the breadth of your academic interests. In fact, many scholars in the humanities, especially at the doctorate and post-doc level, are experts in several tangentially related fields, so your multiple interests can definitely work in your favor! The key is to 1) be decisive about the fact that Rhet/Comp is your primary focus while 2) smoothly integrating that with the other two interests in a way that unifies them under one strong, multifaceted scholastic objective. Truthfully, a lot of SOP writing is just finding a way to express yourself that puts a positive "spin" on something that, if written improperly, might seem negative: so, a student is not "indecisive" but "intellectually curious"; or, a couple semesters of bad grades are not evidence of "poor performance" but actually a "turning point" or "wake-up call to do better." The key is crafting the language in just the right way - that's the challenge but also the power of words! Anyway, hope this helps. Feel free to send me a private message if you have any other questions. David
  19. Structure/organization is often one of the areas where people need the most help. And of course, it's very important - a disorganized or disjointed SOP is a bad SOP, even if the ideas are there. The other posters offered some good advice. I would add that ideally, the SOP starts with a "hook" that grabs attention and provides a theme beyond "this is what I want to study and why." This is important even when applying to programs in the hard sciences (like Chem E), where creative writing is not important in the field but where a creative, original introduction can help you stand out (remember that your SOP is one of thousands they will look at.) You could start with some specific aspect of your unique background and use that to transition into discussion of your current research interest and past experience. Here, the structure is often linear (in college I worked on X; after, I was employed with Y company researching Z; etc. - just be specific and don't simply restate your CV in prose form!) Future plans/goals and reasons why the school interests you can come last. And always mention what you can offer them - they want students who can contribute to the program too and enrich the student body, however large or small. David
  20. Hello, All good questions! Based on my experience, I'd recommend the following: 1. You don't really need a heading or title; a simple "Statement of Purpose" at the top or in the upper margin is adequate. Make sure to include your name (ideally in the upper left or right corner) in case your SOP becomes separated from the other application materials. 2. SOP length limits are usually specified in word count rather than number of pages, for this exact reason - it's a bit confusing what "one page" means with so many options for spacing, font, margins, etc. In truth, probably you could alter the margins or font slightly without penalty, as long as they don't specify "one-inch margins." But the real issue is really finding a way to express all your ideas without having to tweak the margin dimensions. Without exaggeration, about 98% of the SOPs I've read can be improved by cutting some content and expressing things in a less wordy fashion. 3. It's generally encouraged to reference specific professors (especially ones you've met or worked with before). Just be clear and specific in articulating your interest in working with or under the instruction of a particular professor. 4. I would put it in. I don't think it will hurt your chances and in some cases can be an advantage, since many programs seek to include "non-traditional" students or those with life situations that differ from the norm (and indeed, including such students enriches the academic experience for everyone.) However, I would advise you not to mention finances as a reason for applying (even if it's a perfectly good one) - schools (especially humanities programs) want to hear about academic, intellectual, and professional motivations rather than finances per se. Just choose your words carefully: focus on "career" rather than "money" or "finances", and perhaps you could add something about how the enrichment of your own academic self will, by extension, also benefit your son intellectually. David
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