Edge of going crazy here

[bluebear92]

I'm struggling to make myself want to do anything at all, until the decisions come... I don't know why but I just became so reluctant to use my brain. So I've been playing Pokemon in my free time, racked up about 15 hours of that this week. Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Help.

[sdietz]

I'm in the same boat, cannot handle the waiting! I've been avoiding homework and watching netflix, which really needs to end because I have far too much to do. :/

[busybeinganxious]

I'm ashamed to admit I'm watching netflix instead of doing homework as well.  I can no longer claim to be on the edge of crazy however.  I'm swimming in the warm waters of the Crazypants Sea. 

[thissiteispoison]

I'm struggling to make myself want to do anything at all, until the decisions come... I don't know why but I just became so reluctant to use my brain. So I've been playing Pokemon in my free time, racked up about 15 hours of that this week. Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Help.

 

Friend code? Mine is 1719-3207-2936.

 

And stay positive! I found that the anxiety was driving me so crazy I'd check my email at work every ten minutes instead of, you know, working. But then once I got a single admittance, I became much less preoccupied. So just tell yourself everything will work out eventually. It probably will. It almost always does. 

[smpalesh]

I know I won't be hearing until the end of the month but it's all I can think about.  I am currently watching my way through Criminal Minds on Netflix.

[bluebear92]

Friend code? Mine is 1719-3207-2936.

 

 

What's a friend code?

(I'm relatively new)

[thissiteispoison]

What's a friend code?

(I'm relatively new)

 

It's a code to add friends on your 3DS. Assuming you're playing Pokemon on a 3DS. Then we can see when each other is online, trade, battle, or just send O-powers during gameplay. It's neat. 

[kazishamrin]

In all honestly, I am facing the same problem. Atleast one acceptance letter will cure this issue.

[mb298]

which version of pokemon? I got 283 hours on silver soul since the beginning of application season:)

[AuntyOwl]

In all honestly, I am facing the same problem. Atleast one acceptance letter will cure this issue.

Ms. Deadbrainfromanxiety here. It surely depends on people, but one acceptance and one interview invitation have not alleviated my severe inability to focus on the millions tasks I have at hand. 

 

This is wait is ridiculous, particularly to what concerns programs that had deadlines at the beginning of December. Two and a half months are not enough to make up their minds about the randomness of their choices? Give us a break!

[Chiqui74]

In all honestly, I am facing the same problem. Atleast one acceptance letter will cure this issue.

Nope, it will not.

[grad_wannabe]

I've had a mixed bag of responses, and in my experience having one acceptance alleviates the anxiety by ... one or two percent. 

[Aubstopper]

I would like to add myself to the list of being on the edge of sanity/having heightened neuroses. They really should provide free mental health counseling for PhD applicants!

I am currently working as a contractor (in politics at the national level) and I work almost exclusively from home on a schedule I make myself. Though the position was ideal during the application process (they are very supportive---even allowed me to go down to part time for 3 weeks to work on my apps), the waiting period has been hell. Anxiety is through the roof and as others have said, I am finding it difficult to not obsess over every detail and to just get my work done. I struggle to get through daily tasks and I thanks to my borderline insanity, I now have to schedule myself to include constant email refreshing.  It's ridiculous because most of the programs I applied to don't notify until earliest next week and I'm like sitting in front of some sort of screen (smart phone, tablet, computer, etc) on a WEEKEND refreshing the damn thing.

 

I worked so hard and got such positive feedback and support from everyone, though I'm just so afraid of disappointing those I look up to (my LoRs writers, friends, and mainly my mother, who is currently a tenured professor in a STEM field). I go back and forth every day re: my confidence on this process.

EDIT: btw, I find it sort of hilarious how many closet pokemon people just came out in this thread. I have been trying to offset anxiety by playing video games as well, but with various Assassin's Creed games I never got around to playing.

Edited February 9, 2015 by Aubstopper

[HadiBody]

Count me in as well.

 

Not only I'm going crazy about admissions, I'm fretting over what I'm gonna do after it as well.

 

Due to personal reasons, the schools I've applied to aren't globally prestigious. I wonder whether they're ever worth another 5-6 years of my life.

 

To make matters worse, I contacted the grad office of my top choice today, and they told me no professor has declared interest in me, and my chanced are gonna decline as time goes by, but they're not gonna officially update my application status until an interest is declared, or it's past the deadline and well...I'm rejected.

 

I hate the wait. Just tell me I'm not good enough, or update me to the detail. I hate waiting out of the loop.

[hungryfarmer]

Funny thing, I've also been playing Pokemon (White/Omega Ruby) and Assassin's Creed (3/4) in my free time, as a way to relieve the stress.

 

I should be focusing more on my Master Thesis before even dreaming about a possible PhD, but the anxiety is killing me. Maybe I will try some Nuzlocke challenges in Pokemon and see if I can transfer part of my real life pressure to the game

[Meglet]

I am also a full-fledged member of the crazypants club.  I have a more than full-time job I hate, which right now mostly involves waiting for a higher entity to let us know about something I'm anticipating will be really painful and difficult. So...constant email and results survey refreshing, WEIRD dreams about bathing people in mayonnaise, World of Warcraft, and too much wine and chocolate...

[busybeinganxious]

I am also a full-fledged member of the crazypants club.  I have a more than full-time job I hate, which right now mostly involves waiting for a higher entity to let us know about something I'm anticipating will be really painful and difficult. So...constant email and results survey refreshing, WEIRD dreams about bathing people in mayonnaise, World of Warcraft, and too much wine and chocolate

 

Wait.  I have to ask.  Baths in mayo?

[Aubstopper]

Nice @Hungryfarmer! So far in this admissions cycle, I got through Assassin's Creed II, III, Black Flag, Freedom Cry, Rogue, as well as Valiant Hearts, Red Dead Redemption, and playing Skyrim until I got the damn platinum trophy. Starting AC: Brotherhood today.  My prize to myself for getting into a PhD program (or probably even if I don't) will be a PS4. Already bought myself a new computer in anticipation.

Writing it all down does make my gaming seem excessive. Yikes. Maybe I should focus on getting outside and making friends or something? (nah.)

 

[Aubstopper]

Mayo baths don't sound that bad (probably better for you than eating it), but by your wording it sounds like you were bathing someone else in mayo?!
 

[grad_wannabe]

Maybe I should focus on getting outside and making friends or something? (nah.)

 

Ha, the blizzard is preventing a good number of us from doing that!

 

At any rate, Aub, I really identified with your anxiety about disappointing people. Everyone has been so helpful and supportive, especially my current boss. He wrote me a letter of recommendation, helped me write my SOP, and gave me total and complete work flexibility during the app season. 

 

He said he was very proud when I got my admit. He even looked over my offer letter and commented that it was a good offer and that I should "go out and celebrate with friends!" 

[Meglet]

Wait.  I have to ask.  Baths in mayo?

 

 

Mayo baths don't sound that bad (probably better for you than eating it), but by your wording it sounds like you were bathing someone else in mayo?!

 

 

In the dream, I was at an outdoor pool/spa complex with a friend, and my ex (who broke up with me in the worst way possible, but a long time ago, so I'm pretty over it) was also there.  He REALLY wanted my friend, which is funny, because she is super taken, identifies as lesbian/queer and she would never, ever, in a million years, go for him.  Even though neither of us had any interest in him, we were obsessing about what condiments he liked and whether or not to put mayonnaise in the pools he was going to get into.  Personally, I hate mayonnaise, and bathing in warm mayo-water would probably make me puke.  I think it's my subconscious' very weird and roundabout way of trying to get me to worry less about what programs think of me (like maybe if I don't get in, it's because they wouldn't be good for me).  Or of letting me know that I've really crossed the line into crazyville.

[W.Churchill]

I had a dream that I got accepted into my top choice school with a full merit scholarship...and my dream self's response (on the dream cellphone-telephone) was "WTF Dean of that school?? You guys don't hand out decisions until mid-march!! What sort of imposter are you?!"

[Aubstopper]

@grad_wannabe: To be completely honest (and this is slightly embarrassing), I've been so wrapped up in work and obsessing over apps that I didn't realize there was a blizzard until like 3 days later when I went to the store and was surprised by all the snow. Literally have been living like a cartoon ostrich with its head in the sand.

My boss actually offered to get me a recommendation letter from the national president of the AFL-CIO (Trumka), which is super nice of him, but both irrelevant to my field of interest (though I do a little bit of labor history) and a non-academic reference. Also, only met the guy irl once.

It's so nice that they're being so supportive! It would be such an added stress if we had to hide this whole process from our jobs in addition to the anxiety of waiting, waiting, waiting...

(sorry, for some reason my laptop/tablet hybrid doesn't let me quote people...and my main computer just burned out...just like me!)

[AuntyOwl]

I am also a full-fledged member of the crazypants club.  I have a more than full-time job I hate, which right now mostly involves waiting for a higher entity to let us know about something I'm anticipating will be really painful and difficult. So...constant email and results survey refreshing, WEIRD dreams about bathing people in mayonnaise, World of Warcraft, and too much wine and chocolate...

I am in for World of Warcraft, wine, and chocolate! May I add cheese to the picture? I mean, what is wine without cheese? 

 

Note: there is no such thing as "too much wine and chocolate". And cheese for that matter. 

[Meglet]

I am in for World of Warcraft, wine, and chocolate! May I add cheese to the picture? I mean, what is wine without cheese? 

 

Note: there is no such thing as "too much wine and chocolate". And cheese for that matter. 

Thanks for enabling me!  Yes cheese is also good.  I'm New Mexican - all our food is drowning in melted cheese (and green chile).  But wait, you're not in for the weird dreams about bathing people in mayo?!