howabout Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 As I get closer to the start of my second year in my graduate program, I am realizing more and more clearly that I am unhappy with my program and would like to leave. Some of the key reasons why I'm unhappy: racial tension on campus and in the department, lack of resources for my particular research interests, and the lack of non-university-related cultural opportunities (concerts, plays, poetry readings, anything that doesn't depend upon going to the library). Very few students (2, at any stage in the program) do what I do, which is isolating, and it means that the classes I'm taking aren't particularly applicable to my dissertation. I like my professors, but I still feel unsupported academically. I'm not angry or even exasperated and I really don't want this to sound more dramatic than it is. I just feel dejected. I'm wondering if there's a chance of transferring to a different English literature program, without even obtaining my Masters. Has anyone heard about this ever happening? I have tried looking on the stackexchange, but I'm not sure what to search for. Does being a quitter hurt my chances during review? How should I disclose my academic history in my application? How early should I tell my academic advisor? Should I consider PhD programs in related fields (interdisciplinary) instead? All answers will be wholly appreciated.
rising_star Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 Are you planning to return to your school this fall or not? That's important because, if you are, you could potentially leave with a master's rather than without it. I will just add a couple of things. 1) Racial tension is common on many campuses and in many departments. Simply going to a new university or department may not fix that as racism and microaggressions are common in lots of academic settings. I'm not trying to minimize your current experiences but I just want to remind you that what you're going through could happen at the next place too. And sadly, if you're planning to become an academic, it's something that's likely to affect you throughout your career. 1a) To help you deal with this, I highly recommend talking to a good counselor or therapist. They can help you sort out how much of your unhappiness is related to the program versus personal factors and also equip you with coping mechanisms so you don't feel so isolated. 2) How important is it to have a group of people around you who do what you do? How many people do you need? Is it about being able to have in-depth discussions about the literature you're reading? Or is that you want to be able to have broader, more theoretical conversations with others about the literary scholarship related to what you study? If it's the latter, then it's definitely possible that you could find support in your current department if you know where/how to look for it. 3) One option is to take the view of many in the sciences that coursework is one of the least important parts of your doctoral program. That is, stop worrying about whether your coursework is applicable to your dissertation and just take the courses, learn what you need, and move on. If you do become an English literature professor, you're going to spend a lot of time teaching courses like "Introduction to Literature" where you'll need to know some of the things you're learning in these graduate seminars, even though those things aren't related to your dissertation. Remember the PhD is about both breadth and depth. Okay, so all of that was about trying to make lemonade out of the bowl of lemons you've got in front of you. If you want to transfer, you need at least one good recommendation letter from someone at your current institution. There are going to be some on adcoms who see your application and worry that you're a quitter but, this is beyond your control. You definitely want to frame the move as one that is focused on getting a better research fit, which means being able to articulate why the current school isn't a good fit without sounding bitter or negative. It also means that you're going to have to do some careful research on programs to make sure that the issues you have now aren't one you'll have in the new program. That means looking at the academics AND the social life, talking to potential advisors about their advising and mentoring style, and talking to current grad students so you can make sure there will be others with interests similar to yours. In your application, you'll want to focus on your research interests, how your previous grad program helped you refine those, and how you know that going to this new program will allow you to fully realize your potential as a researcher because your interests will be better supported through classes and by having a good set of committee members well versed in that topic. How soon you tell your current advisor is a very personal decision. If you have a good relationship and they realize you're struggling, then they're likely to be supportive of your desire to transfer. If they aren't aware of your academic issues, then you may need to gradually introduce those so your advisor isn't blindsided by your desire to go to another school. Without knowing your interests, it's hard to say whether or not you should consider interdisciplinary fields. You should look at the job market in those fields and also take a look at the syllabi for introductory undergrad courses in those fields to help you decide. I've heard mixed things about the placement of interdisciplinary departments, so that's something to keep an eye out for. If you're questioning whether you're in the right discipline, you may also want to take some time to do some soul-searching about why you decided on this particular PhD program and whether it could still suit your academic needs if you didn't have to deal with all of the personal and interpersonal stuff. Good luck! howabout and lyonessrampant 2
rhetoricus aesalon Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 If you feel comfortable with any of your professors, I would schedule a meeting and talk with them as soon as possible. I would be honest and tell them about your current concerns with the program and that you are questioning your place in it. They hand-picked you for a certain reason to be there, and if you are struggling to feel accepted and supported, there is nothing wrong with you stating it and asking for help -- even if that help means leaving the program. Your concerns don't sound all that far off from the (unfortunate) depression that is common among many grad students. I have certainly felt it and know many others who have, too. I truly wish you the best with this ordeal, and please keep us updated (if you feel comfortable, of course) in what you decide and how things develop. howabout and lyonessrampant 2
howabout Posted July 26, 2015 Author Posted July 26, 2015 Thanks both of you, for all of this advice. I will definitely keep the board updated on everything I choose to do, because, like I said, I tried to do some research on my own, but no one talks about this. This was all seriously helpful. I'll try making lemonade before anything too drastic. I think I would feel a lot more hopeless if I thought sticking through an unhappy situation was the only solution. I will try to be more open about my feelings to my advisor and cohort this coming semester, and maybe that will even help with my outlook. Chadillac, what are you doing to cope with these feelings, if you don't mind my asking?
rhetoricus aesalon Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 My tactics probably aren't the best (and are by no means expert), but I'm very happy to try and share what I do if you might find it helpful. Honestly, I've found the best way to cope is by talking about it, and that can often be the hardest thing because, like you said, no one wants to talk about it. Sometimes I've thought, though, that if I don't talk about it then no one will -- and you bringing this up could very well bring to the surface a lot of issues others in your cohort have been trying to suppress as well. I try to tell myself that I'm allowed my feelings and try to trust that by sharing respectfully and honestly I will be drawn to the right mentors and colleagues who want to see the work I do succeed. For me, my feelings of depression come mainly from feeling like I do not belong and that nobody cares about me or my work (which is in some ways fair -- nobody is required to like me or what I do), but I think what's important about this is that I've come to a point where listening to my body in this way (trying to understand why I feel a certain way) has helped me redirect primarily negative feelings into primarily productive conversations that have helped me grow as a person and scholar, and in some cases even encouraged change in the programs I've been in. thepriorwalter, ProfLorax, TakeruK and 2 others 5
ProfLorax Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 howabout: you mention racial tension on campus as one of the reasons you want to transfer. Have you talked to any faculty of color? Maybe someone you could safely discuss your concerns and who could reach out to other programs on your behalf?
ProfLorax Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 Also, howabout: I'm very sorry you're feeling this way. Good on you for acknowledging that you're not happy and make the moves to become so. Chadillac: You're the best. Just, the best. Academicat, howabout and rhetoricus aesalon 3
howabout Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 I've tried talking it over with faculty of color a couple of times, but it's the same feeling of simultaneous support and lack of support that I feel academically. One thing that makes it difficult is that the faculty is actually more diverse than the student body, so they're really not experiencing what I'm experiencing. Most of the faculty of color got their PhDs at universities where they were pretty much the only student of color in the entire department, so our program is paradise in comparison. They all feel like diversity is important to instruction and happiness, of course, but they also feel like this program's environment is the environment that should make me happy. They want me to succeed, but they also want this to be the program where I succeed, and I can feel that, and it makes it difficult to diving too deeply into anything I'm feeling. I'll try to make it a goal this year to talk about how I'm feeling more openly. I hope I start to enjoy it here, especially because I'm kind of worried that leaving the department early (it takes longer than two years to get the Masters at my program) will have an effect on my academic career (if I still want one). Thanks a lot, you guys. I've lurked this board since I before I started. You are all all-stars, and I really appreciate you all making me feel less unusual. SilasWegg 1
rising_star Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 I'll try to make it a goal this year to talk about how I'm feeling more openly. I hope I start to enjoy it here, especially because I'm kind of worried that leaving the department early (it takes longer than two years to get the Masters at my program) will have an effect on my academic career (if I still want one). I would be cautious with this. Some may take your open conversation as an attack on them, the department, the university, or the discipline. This can be tough because one of the things that happens as grad students is that you have to remember that everyone is your future colleague, future grant reviewer, or future reviewer on a manuscript. If they think you're complaining, they may also think that you either can't hack it in the discipline or aren't the 'right fit", even though they could be entirely off base. That's why I recommended finding a counselor or therapist (and try them out until you find one you click with) who you can talk to openly and honestly about your experiences. There might also be other students of color on campus that you can reach out to. See if Multicultural Student Affairs or the office of student diversity (or whatever they call it at your school) has meetings for graduate students. There might even be a Black Graduate Student Association or similar group that you could join. I just want to make sure you have a safe space within which to be more open because I'd hate for your openness to have a detrimental effect on your career. ProfLorax, howabout and echo449 3
howabout Posted July 28, 2015 Author Posted July 28, 2015 That's what gets to me. I feel like I'm in a bizarro world where trying to make myself happier could make things worse.
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