The Old Transfer-aroo

[1Q84]

Okay, I know, this is yet another transfer question but mine is definitely less fraught than other people's situations, for which I'm quite thankful. Anyway, here's the situation:

• I was accepted into an adjacent department (Dept B.) to my own (Dept A).
• I was waiting on funding news but just received word that I'll have the exact same funding package as my Dept A.
• The placement rates are far better in Dept B than A.
• I connect with the methodology, faculty, and administrative requirements (fields reqs, etc.) in Dept B.

I guess my question is more of an affective one. I feel terrible about having to tell my advisor in Dept A that I'm leaving. He's been great and very nice but also a little distant. But he was also the chair of the adcomm when I was accepted into Dept A and I really feel like he gave me a chance by putting me on the wait list instead of outright rejecting me so I feel like I "owe" him something. I almost feel like I'm betraying that vote of confidence by leaving Dept A. So how the hell should I approach this?! I feel wracked by guilt already.

I'm also concerned about whether or not this will have any impact on him. He's long-tenured and is the Provost's Professor, so pretty well regarded in the college. I don't want this to look negatively on him that one of his students "jumped ship" or something. Someone convince me that I'm not doing anything to 'hurt' his rep.

Other than that, I'm so pumped to join Dept B. They're just super tight knit and collegial and family like, which is completely absent from Dept A. I just need to get over this terrible, traumatic hurdle first.

Any interpersonal advice is much appreciated!

[fuzzylogician]

Your main priority should be your career and education. You want to be respectful and thankful when you leave, but you most certainly won't ruin your advisor's life by leaving. You don't owe him anything -- you started your program in good faith and you did your best, that's all he could have ever expected. Now you're moving in a different direction, and if he is a good and supportive advisor, then he will want you to succeed, whatever that means for you, even if it means that you move to another program. Having one student switch to another program won't 'hurt' his rep, especially not if you're happy and successful there. If there are lots of other students who've left, then that's indicative of a larger problem, and again it's not your fault. I think the best way to have these conversations is to keep it about you and your research interests and/or feelings. If you say "I've felt such and such way" or "my interests have shifted and are more aligned with program B now", no one can tell you you're wrong and no one can disagree. Your feelings are your own. I wouldn't necessarily say anything bad about program A, even if you have things you'd want to say. Just say how much you appreciate all that your advisor has done and say you hope to come back and visit once in a while to update him on what you're up to. (Whether or not you actually do that is another question and is totally up to you.) 

[1Q84]

1 hour ago, fuzzylogician said:

Your main priority should be your career and education. You want to be respectful and thankful when you leave, but you most certainly won't ruin your advisor's life by leaving. You don't owe him anything -- you started your program in good faith and you did your best, that's all he could have ever expected. Now you're moving in a different direction, and if he is a good and supportive advisor, then he will want you to succeed, whatever that means for you, even if it means that you move to another program. Having one student switch to another program won't 'hurt' his rep, especially not if you're happy and successful there. If there are lots of other students who've left, then that's indicative of a larger problem, and again it's not your fault. I think the best way to have these conversations is to keep it about you and your research interests and/or feelings. If you say "I've felt such and such way" or "my interests have shifted and are more aligned with program B now", no one can tell you you're wrong and no one can disagree. Your feelings are your own. I wouldn't necessarily say anything bad about program A, even if you have things you'd want to say. Just say how much you appreciate all that your advisor has done and say you hope to come back and visit once in a while to update him on what you're up to. (Whether or not you actually do that is another question and is totally up to you.) 

Thank you for the wonderful advice. I was thinking along these lines but was hoping for some confirmation.

Just to clarify, Dept B is at the same university as Dept A (even within the same college). Opposite ends of campus, but I can imagine I might have to run into Dept A folks at some point or another. Really hoping it'll be okay and not awkward for that reason too.

[fuzzylogician]

I don't think it has to be awkward. I don't think switching departments within the same school is as uncommon as you might think; if a student's interests shift, the best way to accommodate that is to find someone within the same school, possibly in another department, who could serve as their advisor. I know several students who've made such a lateral move. It's up to you whether or not your want to maintain any ties with your old department but I would tend to think it'd be good for you to do that. Say hi once in a while, definitely smile and be very friendly if you run into your old advisor or other professors/students from your old department, even come to any public talks that might be relevant. This is a professional move you're making to further your career, and if you treat it like that, there is no reason to feel awkward toward your old department. If you can maintain friendly ties there, it could turn out to be greatly beneficial. 

[1Q84]

9 hours ago, fuzzylogician said:

I don't think it has to be awkward. I don't think switching departments within the same school is as uncommon as you might think; if a student's interests shift, the best way to accommodate that is to find someone within the same school, possibly in another department, who could serve as their advisor. I know several students who've made such a lateral move. It's up to you whether or not your want to maintain any ties with your old department but I would tend to think it'd be good for you to do that. Say hi once in a while, definitely smile and be very friendly if you run into your old advisor or other professors/students from your old department, even come to any public talks that might be relevant. This is a professional move you're making to further your career, and if you treat it like that, there is no reason to feel awkward toward your old department. If you can maintain friendly ties there, it could turn out to be greatly beneficial. 

You're right. I think I'm just really awkward. I thought I was being very professional when I turned down an offer from a school by giving a professional reason but the POI that had been trying to recruit me took it completely the wrong way and sent back a snippy email. I've been paranoid ever since.

[fuzzylogician]

4 hours ago, 1Q84 said:

You're right. I think I'm just really awkward. I thought I was being very professional when I turned down an offer from a school by giving a professional reason but the POI that had been trying to recruit me took it completely the wrong way and sent back a snippy email. I've been paranoid ever since.

I understand completely. I have a friend who I run these kinds of emails by. I do the same for them, too. Turns out it's much easier to be objective when you're removed from the situation (surprise!) so we've both helped each other through similar correspondences multiple times. I highly recommend finding such a person, it's a low-stakes way to get good feedback and avoid trouble. In your current situation, I would probably talk to my friend about what I would say if I ran into my former advisor, and they can tell me if it sounds good or if it could be misinterpreted. 

[1Q84]

Update: all went well and my advisor was very supportive and made things not awkward. Hooray!

[rising_star]