Fall 2016 applicants with family

[litzzie]

Hi, 

Just wanna see if there are anyone out there who are applying for/have gotten into grad school with family/children in tow? I am a mother of one and decided to give grad school a go. I haven't heard back from any schools yet (I have only applied to Canadian schools), but would like to have a chat with people who are in similar situation, and hopefully we could gather a group of people here who can swap info and thoughts here? Cheers.

[Neist]

Hello!

I'm applying to grad school and I'll have my wife and daughter in tow. My wife is (or has been up to this point) a stay at home mom, so graduate school might be a tad bit financially rough, or, at the very least, limiting. I would probably more strongly consider my one offer if I could roommate up, but that's not really an option. 

Does Canada offer state assistance to low-income families? I'm probably going to have to rely on it while in graduate school here in the US. Some of the schools I've applied to have painfully low stipends. 

[litzzie]

18 hours ago, Neist said:

Hello!

I'm applying to grad school and I'll have my wife and daughter in tow. My wife is (or has been up to this point) a stay at home mom, so graduate school might be a tad bit financially rough, or, at the very least, limiting. I would probably more strongly consider my one offer if I could roommate up, but that's not really an option. 

Does Canada offer state assistance to low-income families? I'm probably going to have to rely on it while in graduate school here in the US. Some of the schools I've applied to have painfully low stipends. 

Hey! Thanks for your post!! It's good to meet other people who are in similar circumstance. 

I'm actually not sure about state assistance--I'm not a Canadian and am applying as an international student. My final decision would have to base on the funding packages the unis (hopefully) would offer, if I got admitted at all. But like many profs that I have spoken to, both old profs that have taught me and profs that I spoke to in the schools that I am applying to, I am always gonna lose money by enrolling into a PhD programme. It would be a gamble for us all really--there is no way i can tell if my husband will be able to get a job. But he is very encouraging and is willing to take the risk...we would just have to see how things turn out, once again, if I got admitted...

How old is your little one? When you apply is there anything in particular that you ask the unis of your choice about? I realise I probably should be asking questions regarding family support but I am not sure what to ask yet...

[Neist]

On 2/13/2016 at 2:54 AM, litzzie said:

Hey! Thanks for your post!! It's good to meet other people who are in similar circumstance. 

I'm actually not sure about state assistance--I'm not a Canadian and am applying as an international student. My final decision would have to base on the funding packages the unis (hopefully) would offer, if I got admitted at all. But like many profs that I have spoken to, both old profs that have taught me and profs that I spoke to in the schools that I am applying to, I am always gonna lose money by enrolling into a PhD programme. It would be a gamble for us all really--there is no way i can tell if my husband will be able to get a job. But he is very encouraging and is willing to take the risk...we would just have to see how things turn out, once again, if I got admitted...

How old is your little one? When you apply is there anything in particular that you ask the unis of your choice about? I realise I probably should be asking questions regarding family support but I am not sure what to ask yet...

My wife has been quite understanding as well. I can definitely understand that it is a little bit of a gamble.

My daughter is three. I have asked about child care in the area, if I deem it necessary, but I've only gotten vague answers in that regard. A few graduate programs have put me in contact with other non-traditional students that are currently attending and they've been incredibly helpful. There's a lot of considerations that one with a family should know that a single student might not need, such as the quality of schools.

[litzzie]

15 minutes ago, Neist said:

My wife has been quite understanding as well. I can definitely understand that it is a little bit of a gamble.

My daughter is three. I have asked about child care in the area, if I deem it necessary, but I've only gotten vague answers in that regard. A few graduate programs have put me in contact with other non-traditional students that are currently attending and they've been incredibly helpful. There's a lot of considerations that one with a family should know that a single student might not need, such as the quality of schools.

This is really helpful of them. Perhaps I should email the schools and see if they could put me in touch with anybody whom I could talk with regarding childcare as well. I never thought of that. 

You are right--going for grad school is a huge decision for everyone, but for people with family it's a much harder one as we are also making decisions for our spouses and children. I actually haven't asked many questions on the childcare front--perhaps I should look into it even before I hear back from any of the schools. The only problem is that I have no idea who to write to. I have emailed a couple of people (e.g international office) and they kept referring me to other departments....

[Neist]

25 minutes ago, litzzie said:

This is really helpful of them. Perhaps I should email the schools and see if they could put me in touch with anybody whom I could talk with regarding childcare as well. I never thought of that. 

You are right--going for grad school is a huge decision for everyone, but for people with family it's a much harder one as we are also making decisions for our spouses and children. I actually haven't asked many questions on the childcare front--perhaps I should look into it even before I hear back from any of the schools. The only problem is that I have no idea who to write to. I have emailed a couple of people (e.g international office) and they kept referring me to other departments....

I manged by asking if any of a program's students have children, and if I could talk to those students. Most programs ask if you'd like to contact current students, so it really wasn't too difficult (assuming they had some parents in their program). After I got into contact, I asked what life was like in the area from the perspective of a parent. I've found that programs I've looked into are more than willing to help, but often they aren't unfamiliar with the graduate student/parent experience. However, student parents tend to be much more frank and pragmatic, and I found their comments helpful.

More than any factor, I've been careful to consider the living expenses of the programs I've applied to. For example, Bowling Green State, one of the programs I've been accepted into, is very affordable. Graduate student stipends in any program aren't significant, even if single, and they're stretched quite thin when supporting three or more people. However, if it only takes a few thousand dollars extra a year to support my family in a theoretical city "A" versus tens of thousands of extra in theoretical city "B". I've pretty much avoided any city that's closer to theoretical city "B". It's just not realistic, at least for me.

I think relocating as a parent is definitely doable, but is it more difficult. The advantage that those of us with children and spouses have is that I find that parents with children tend to be incredibly motivated. I'm motivated to finish my degree, and not simply for personal satisfaction. I want to be a good example to my daughter and provide for my family. I know that if you can find a program that works for you, you'll excel. It just takes some work to find the right program.   

[litzzie]

2 minutes ago, Neist said:

I manged by asking if any of a program's students have children, and if I could talk to those students. Most programs ask if you'd like to contact current students, so it really wasn't too difficult (assuming they had some parents in their program). After I got into contact, I asked what life was like in the area from the perspective of a parent. I've found that programs I've looked into are more than willing to help, but often they aren't unfamiliar with the graduate student/parent experience. However, student parents tend to be much more frank and pragmatic, and I found their comments helpful.

More than any factor, I've been careful to consider the living expenses of the programs I've applied to. For example, Bowling Green State, one of the programs I've been accepted into, is very affordable. Graduate student stipends in any program aren't significant, even if single, and they're stretched quite thin when supporting three or more people. However, if it only takes a few thousand dollars extra a year to support my family in a theoretical city "A" versus tens of thousands of extra in theoretical city "B". I've pretty much avoided any city that's closer to theoretical city "B". It's just not realistic, at least for me.

I think relocating as a parent is definitely doable, but is it more difficult. The advantage that those of us with children and spouses have is that I find that parents with children tend to be incredibly motivated. I'm motivated to finish my degree, and not simply for personal satisfaction. I want to be a good example to my daughter and provide for my family. I know that if you can find a program that works for you, you'll excel. It just takes some work to find the right program.   

My thought exactly!! I am in my late thirties and sometimes I feel it's a little crazy to wanna go back to school at this age--most people my age will just get on with their lives and devote their energy and money on houses, children's education, and, if they have some spare cash, family holidays. But I have always wanted to take on the challenge of a PhD, and I would like my daughter (she's four) to know that her mom isn't afraid of going out of her comfort zone and making unconventional choices to go get what she wants. Hopefully, it will be a good example for her to look back on when she gets older and wants something that doesn't look like it is immediately within her reach.

My husband and I are also taking the cost of living into serious consideration. I have applied to two schools in BC, Canada. Even as I was putting my applications together I already knew that the cost of living there is quite high there. However, juggling between two jobs and a high-need four-year-old, I made the decision to only focus my energy on schools in which I could secure faculty support, and I only managed to secure the support of two faculty members in UBC and UVic. I don't think in terms of cost of living Vancouver and Victoria is going to be much different, but I am leaning towards Victoria for the slightly lower cost of living...once again, if I got accepted in both...

Did you ask them to put you in touch with other student parents after they had made you an offer? Or do you think I can start asking now?

Have you made up your mind on which programme to enrol?

 

[tipmar]

Hello to all, and I am glad to have found this thread.

I am in a bit of a different situation. I do not have any children at the moment, but will almost certainly want to have them within the next 5-6 years. I am an international student and where I come from it is almost assumed that people will be having children while working on Ph.D (due to a much later average age and some cultural differences). I will be moving to the US for graduate school in the fall, and I am quite concerned about what to expect in terms of support and/or attitude to having children during the program.

I know that in the US employers have no legal obligation to allow for maternity leave (which is shocking, in my humble opinion), and that is certainly not reassuring. Some schools do declare that they provide for a short-term maternity leave, but what I am most concerned about is the type of discourse that this situation may reflect. Do programs frown on students having children? Does anyone have any experience with having children during graduate school? Did you find that you were generally supported?  

 

For those with experience having children during graduate school, or going into graduate school with young children, what kind of questions do you think I should ask prospective schools? How to best determine where there will be the most support? What were the things that you wish you would have thought about?

 

 

Edited February 17, 2016 by tipmar

[Marie Loeb]

Thanks for this forum!  I have two kids(8 and 10) and a stay at home spouse. Right now I have a few jobs to pay the bills because Seattle's cost of living is so high. I really want to get a PhD and move into research and policy, but everything is a holistic decision. 

I had my 10 year old in the middle of a term during undergrad and had both my babies around while getting my MSW. I used resources through the student parent center and opted for a slower track on my masters. The biggest hurdle for me (which is moot in Canada) was health insurance. I used up all of my savings and went into debt obtaining health insurance for my family. I hope it will be better now with the exchanges, but I had some very rough patches. Now I am in crazy student loan debt. I figure that it is worth it to be happy. 

[PoliPixie]

I started my MA two months after I had my second child and have just gotten into a PhD program. Doing it with a family has been rough, but I find that it's given me all of the motivation I need to do well. I did my MA full time thanks to an incredible support system. Find your village and use them! You'll need them. 

[Marie Loeb]

Have you found any schools to be better than others for families?  My undergrad is from Portland State University and my masters is from University of Washington.  Hands down, Portland State is far superior for families--on campus child care, and lots of thoughtful flexibility to maintain a family.  I want to find a PhD program that balances my research interests with support for my whole family.

[ForTheLoveOfBrains]

@litzzie @Neist Hi everyone! This is my first time posting. I have just been accepted into some programs, and I too am nervous about being a parent. To be honest, I'm so scared of the negative connotations it may have to those in academia, that I haven't told my prospective PI or lab. I plan to just let it kind of organically "leak out" in conversation as this is usually what I do in any circumstance whether academic or not. In my opinion, it shouldn't matter if I have a family or not, but I know it may scare away people in fear I may not be able to work as hard or what have you. Here's hoping it all works out! 

Edited March 22, 2016 by ForTheLoveOfBrains

[Punk28]

@ForTheLoveOfBrains, I think you'll find that most of your professors have families, so while they may not be thrilled with all of your constraints, they get it--they're family people too. Thankfully, all the parents who have taught me have been perfectly reasonable. 

[Neist]

15 hours ago, ForTheLoveOfBrains said:

@litzzie @Neist Hi everyone! This is my first time posting. I have just been accepted into some programs, and I too am nervous about being a parent. To be honest, I'm so scared of the negative connotations it may have to those in academia, that I haven't told my prospective PI or lab. I plan to just let it kind of organically "leak out" in conversation as this is usually what I do in any circumstance whether academic or not. In my opinion, it shouldn't matter if I have a family or not, but I know it may scare away people in fear I may not be able to work as hard or what have you. Here's hoping it all works out! 

I haven't had many negative reactions regarding my family, but I'm not in the sciences, either.

If you do experience some bias, I imagine it should be easy enough to show them over the course of the first semester that you are equally capable doing the work anyone else is, if not more. I find that being a parent conditions one to a certain level of drive that traditional students rarely match. 

I wish you the best.  

[susanmr5]

I've got a 4 yr old and a 1 yr old at home. My husband and I both work full-time and I'm applying for an online master's program. I'll still be working full time once I start school (if I get in!) so I'm worried about spending enough time with the girls and keeing things running semi-smoothly at home. It's already chaos in our house, school is just going to make it that much worse.

I'm planning on taking this summer to do a massive de-clutter and cleaning spree. Organization is pretty far down on my list but we have so much crap that just getting that out would help. Also thinking of making up some freezer meals and stocking the pantry with staples for easy meals. Need to set up some sort of study space too.

[ForTheLoveOfBrains]

@Neist@Punk28 Thanks for the words of reassurance. And I agree, as a parent I do feel that I try much harder than I ever had before in school. I'm so glad I went back to school, because for awhile I was unable to make it back and feared I would never return!

@susanmr5 Wow! You have a lot going on! My son is 4 and boy is it hard work. De-cluttering never works for me  too many toys from grandparents!

 

[Punk28]

@ForTheLoveOfBrains I'm the same--I've been much harder working as a parent and student than I was previously. But I have three really good reasons to work hard. And it is hard, but it's possible. I'm the stay at home parent, I work online for a college part time, and I run my own writing and editing firm. There are days when I'm at my computer for over twenty hours straight trying to take care of everything, but my kids understand. In fact, they understand far better than I ever expected. My eldest is 14, my middle is 12, and my youngest just turned 9, but they have all been wonderful. They even read my writing. (Well, what's fit to read!) You can doo eet! 

[susanmr5]

On 3/23/2016 at 4:34 PM, ForTheLoveOfBrains said:

too many toys from grandparents!

 

Oh do I hear you there! What makes it sad is my mom watches the girls at her house during the week so we have toys at her house AND our house. It's insane. I think it wouldn't be so bad if I could get some better storage for the toys they do have and once I figure out what to do with all the too small clothes from DD1 that I'm waiting for DD2 to grow into... There's an empty grain bin I'm considering taking over for storage at this rate!

[Neist]

On 3/23/2016 at 5:34 PM, ForTheLoveOfBrains said:

@Neist@Punk28 Thanks for the words of reassurance. And I agree, as a parent I do feel that I try much harder than I ever had before in school. I'm so glad I went back to school, because for awhile I was unable to make it back and feared I would never return!

@susanmr5 Wow! You have a lot going on! My son is 4 and boy is it hard work. De-cluttering never works for me  too many toys from grandparents!

We should start a support group/thread.  

Also, my parents have drowned my daughter's room in toys. I eventually told them that if they buy anymore they have to stay at their house. Ergh.

[ForTheLoveOfBrains]

On March 29, 2016 at 11:37 AM, susanmr5 said:

There's an empty grain bin I'm considering taking over for storage at this rate!

LOVE it. Gotta get innovative. I just do a monthly purge of old toys and my new rule is one new toy in.. 2 or 3 old toys out.

@Neist- a support group/thread sounds like a good idea. And do your parents actually abide by that rule?!

[Neist]

2 hours ago, ForTheLoveOfBrains said:

LOVE it. Gotta get innovative. I just do a monthly purge of old toys and my new rule is one new toy in.. 2 or 3 old toys out.

@Neist- a support group/thread sounds like a good idea. And do your parents actually abide by that rule?!

It's been painful, but they do now! If they do send something over, there's a unstated assumption that it might just disappear into the trash bin once my daughter loses interests.

I think I will start a support thread.  I'm studying for an exam at the moment, but it's on the list!

[Denominator]

On 2/11/2016 at 4:33 AM, litzzie said:

Hi, 

Just wanna see if there are anyone out there who are applying for/have gotten into grad school with family/children in tow? I am a mother of one and decided to give grad school a go. I haven't heard back from any schools yet (I have only applied to Canadian schools), but would like to have a chat with people who are in similar situation, and hopefully we could gather a group of people here who can swap info and thoughts here? Cheers.

I applied and have been accepted to 2 of the top programs in my field. One 150 miles away and one a thousand miles away.   Family friendliness is hugely important to me as i have a 2yo a 4yo and one due 3 weeks after i'll start my program. My wife is a stay at home mom.

The distant program is just much, much more family oriented.  The closer one is not anti family, it's just not as geared towards it.  There was another in-state program that i flatly did not apply to because they were not fans of their students having families.

With graduate student housing a TA/fellowship (waiting to hear which one) paycheck and supplemental income from tutoring i should be able to get a phd without incurring any debt.  

I'm excited to start this fall.

[DennisM]

I hope I'm not on the wrong thread, but this is my first time posting so bear with me...I am currently completing a Masters of Education and I have always been interested in pursuing a PhD.  I have also been encouraged to do so by professors in my program, so I don't believe I am suffering from delusions of academic greatness (at least not entirely).  My problem is I am in my late-thirties (closer to forty), am married, and have a child.  My wife works professionally and about 70% of our living expenses could be covered by her salary if she was able to land work in the city where I am accepted to study.  

My main question is this:  When I look at the Webpages for PhD programs I see that the number of required courses are actually quite few, does this leave time to work?  I am also curious about when, or if, I would be able to start teaching sessionally at the university I am studying at? Do I have to be an official PhD Candidate? Lastly, and this relates more to the application itself, how specific does my research topic need to be when submitting my Letter of Interest?  I am working on my thesis for my current program and my question has evolved extensively  since I began.

Thanks for the help.