Why would the dept. that waitlisted me want to know where else I got offers?

[BartCobbins]

As the title of my post suggests, I was waitlisted at my top choice last week. Here is some brief context for my question... I have 2 MA's and I'm married. Though getting a PhD at my dream school across the world used to seem attractive, at 30y/o I now have too many obligations to relocate, and my wife has an amazing job that would make the $20k/year for 5-6 years sustainable with starting a family etc.. So, although I could have applied to all of the top 10 schools in my field, I only applied to one great program (ranking and fit) that is nearby, and I applied to one other nearby PhD program that was a sure thing, in case my first choice failed.

On to the question: when my POI informed me via email that I was waitlisted, I responded that I had several other offers, but that program was my top choice so I would wait it out as long as necessary and tell the other programs that I would not give a firm answer until then.  She quickly responded -- via email, again -- that she would like to know where I got offers from, if I didn't mind.

Now I have read from very knowledgeable, insider sources that admissions committees take the other offers that their applicants get very seriously, in some cases offering more money or pulling someone off a waitlist on the virtue of their other impressive offers. 

Okay, so I didn't necessarily lie in my response -- that school is definitely my top choice, and I will be telling the other program that I cannot give a firm decision until the final results of the waitlist are in. But I don't know how to respond to the question... It seems that she wants to help me get an offer (which are very competitive, as there are only 4-5 spots available) by asking me what my other offers were. Most people in my position -- 2 MAs, publications, teaching experience, 3.97 grad GPA, great LoRs from academic "rock stars" -- would have applied to many top schools and probably gotten a few offers from those programs with larger cohorts. But my life situation did not allow me to do this...

The answer is easy, I know: don't lie. Never lie. It could catch up to you in a serious way. But damnit it's very frustrating that the fact that I didn't apply to other top programs could be such a strategic misstep! 

Have any of you had a similar experience? What would you do in my situation? It seems that my POI wants to fight for me, but the emphasis on my "other offers" seems absurd... Is that just how the game is played?  Should I play poker and stay "mum" on the offers to bring out the covetousness of the admissions committee?

Thanks for your responses. 

John Doe

[TakeruK]

I'm not sure it's always true that you need to have other offers to be more competitive. Sure, having other offers could help, but not having them doesn't mean you're not competitive. Also, sometimes they want to know not because it affects the decision on your case but on other cases.

For example, let's say they have 2 spots left to fill and you're #1 on the waitlist. They want to know how many offers from the waitlist to make. Yes, they can play it safe and only make an offer to #1 and #2. However, if one or both of you decline their offer, then they don't have another person ready to go. But if they make 3 or 4 offers without knowing anything about #1 and #2, then they might end up with too many. So, asking the #1 and #2 waitlist positions about other offers can help them gauge the likelihood that you will accept their offer. Then, based on this information, past statistics and how much risk they are willing to take, they will decide to make 2, 3, or 4 offers from the waitlist. (e.g. they probably can take 3 people when they only have spots for 2, but if they know both #1 and #2 are very likely to take the offer then they might only make 2 offers after all).

So, my advice would be to be honest and tell them how much you want to attend their program and explain that you have only applied to 2 programs because only these two programs align with your non-academic goals. I also had some geographical constraints (although they are very broad compared to yours) and I'd pick honesty because I don't want to be at a school that would judge me poorly for my life choices (and I would even rather not attend any grad school than to go to one where I would be judged negatively for what I want).

[onemorestep]

Perhaps I am naiive, but I find it hard to believe that other offers might affect your offer from your first choice. Surely the university has a website where they list "selection criteria", and whatever it says there should be what matters. I doubt other offers would be listed on such web site. Then again, I said I might be naiive with this, perhaps universities are not as honest as I would like to think that they are. In fact I am pretty sure they are not. But to answer our question, that's a tough one... Perhaps write a little vague email saying you have a firm offer from this and that university and a couple of other ones pending or under discussion, but that it's ok and you're willing to wait.

(I am an international student from Europe so my apologies if my answer seems completely irrelevant or ridiculous).

Good luck with your first choice application!

[fuzzylogician]

Professors are human beings, and as such they sometimes like to gossip or they are generally curious about other people. I would bet that is a large part of the reason for this question. Schools also ask this question to know who their competition is. I can imagine it making a difference in who to admit off the waitlist in two ways: (1) if a student has an offer from a better ranking school or a school that's a better fit for his/her interests, a school might choose not to give them an admissions offer because there would be a big chance that the student will reject the offer, but it'll take them a few weeks to do so, and by that time other students on the waitlist will have accepted other offers and the school will be left with a vacancy that isn't filled. (2) if a student has offers from similarly ranked schools but the school in question is also a good fit and the student is attractive, they might choose to pursue the student and have a reasonable expectation that the student will accept. It's not entirely clear to me that this kind of calculation ever actually really happens, but it's possible. Now, you don't have to answer the question, but you were kind of asking for it by saying that you had other offers. In your position, I would probably explain that you applied only to XYZ schools, which align with your interests and are in the ABC geographical region, which you restricted your search to for personal reasons, and you've heard back and received offers from 123. I don't think that should make you any less competitive in anyone's eyes. I think it's good that you said that this school is your top choice. I would repeat that, and would also periodically inquire about your status on the list and restate that it's your top choice, so they know you really mean it. 

[Eigen]

I'm having a hard time being sure from your post, but are you in the situation of already having lied and trying to recover from it? Or trying to decide if you should lie?

It looks to me to be the former- you applied to two schools, wait listed at one, offer at another. Then you told the wait listed school that you had "several" offers.

In that case, your decision on what to do next is a bit more difficult, as you've already lied to the PI about your situation, and now need to back-track and tell them you exaggerated, and don't have "several offers", that you just have one other offer.

If you weren't being exact in your post, and haven't told the school you have multiple offers (when you don't), then Fuzzy & TakeruK both have great takes on how to handle it. Offers are leverage, but they certainly aren't everything. And being constrained is quite common in applications- family ties, responsibilities, etc. I only applied to 3 schools, and it didn't hurt my odds at all. 

[artsy16]

Going off of what Eigen said--if you did say you had several offers when you only had other one, then you're in a tight spot. You could tell the truth, possibly by saying you're only seriously considering this other school you were accepted to and the one you're waitlisted at. You could also lie again (if you did in the first place, maybe you didn't!) and say you turned down other offers and are only considering this one school (that you actually got into) and the one you're waitlisted at. But that would just be another lie on top of the original. I definitely wouldn't lie and make up schools you were admitted to when you weren't. Faculty are well connected, and you're likely to say a program that a faculty has connects with and could easy verify ("verify" could just mean having a chat about an applicant if they're friendly with that POI). 

I posted this on another post, but an extreme example is that my current advisor told me that a POI called him up, told him he wouldn't be accepted due to fit, but then listed *everywhere* my advisor applied (advisor never told the POI or program where he applied) and told my advisor that he would be getting offers at all those other places, so not to worry about this rejection. And he did get all of those offers. This is not likely to happen to anyone else, but there is a high chance your POI knows people. 

Edited February 23, 2016 by artsy16

[Pink Fuzzy Bunny]

Unfortunately, offers from other schools do play a role in the admissions process. I have had a school ask me not only where I have offers from, but how much they were for (I later got a better offer from them). At this point, you obviously won't lie (since universities talk... more than we think), just be honest.