Canceling a Visit for Second Time

[floatinggreenskull]

I was accepted to a great program, and they are paying for me to fly out to the campus (I've never been before), meet the department, etc.. Unfortunately, I've had a bit of a health crisis and just got out of the hospital yesterday after being in ICU all week. I was supposed to fly out this coming Wednesday, but I contacted the coordinator and briefly explained my situation/asked if I could move it back a week, as I'm not sure I have it in me to travel right now.

She was very accommodating and I even managed to get the airline fares all lined up for new tickets, this time departing March 9. Unfortunately, I was arranging this while still in the ICU and rather out of it, and forgot that I have an important obligation that week that I'd rather not miss...but here I went and just double booked myself.  My previous obligation has nothing to do with grad school or anything like that, I just feel like I need to be present and supportive of some friends...

Also -- there is a possibility I could push it back even further. Do you think they'd be annoyed if I asked? 

What do you suggest? I am torn. Do I contact her again and cancel...again??? Like I said, I'm already accepted, but I don't want to seem ungrateful or disinterested...or make a bad impression. Please help!

Edited February 27, 2016 by floatinggreenskull

[sjoh197]

I would not cancel again. Is there some way to move your other obligation?

[floatinggreenskull]

1 minute ago, sjoh197 said:

I would not cancel again. Is there some way to move your other obligation?

 

I can not. The only other alternative is asking to move this visit back a few more days. Would that be pushing it as well?

[rising_star]

Do these visits require plane tickets? If so, each change to the typical nonrefundable flights is costing the school an extra $150-200, unless you're flying Southwest. So, in that sense, it is a bit inconsiderate of you to have them pay a bunch of money to change your flights because you don't want to miss a thing with your friends. 

[TakeruK]

I would not ask to push it back again. It would also reflect very poorly on you and it would be very unprofessional. As rising_star said, each change costs the school money. The first change was out of your control.

I will be honest here and it may sound harsh. But accidentally double booking yourself is your fault and it would be unprofessional and irresponsible of you to try to get it changed again. I think the right thing to do is to take responsibility for your mistake. It really really sucks that you have two very important things at the same time, but honestly, that is life and this will not be the first time you have to make a choice like this.

I think you have three options, in order of increasing risk to you professionally.

1. Go to the visit and cancel your other obligation. Hope your friends understand. Can you make it up to your friends in some other way?? 

2. Cancel the visit and do your friends' thing. This can have ramifications against you later on, especially if you do choose to attend this school after all.

3. Tell the school you made a mistake and offer to pay for all the costs associated with the changes. Keep in mind that they might still say no because there are other issues with planning a visit too (scheduling people etc.). Also, this can reflect very poorly on you even if they agree to it---I guess you'll have to make it up by being super awesome on the visit. There is also a chance that there aren't any change fees, or that they have money to pay them, and they will be okay with rescheduling, but I think this chance is slim. I'd call this option the "high risk, high reward" option!

[floatinggreenskull]

Thank you for replies, although @rising_star I do not think the tone of your response was necessary. Perhaps I should've mentioned that yes, of course I am already covering the extra airline charges for the first reschedule and would do so again.

Without going into more detail, the situation involving my friends involves more things of a severe illness-type nature and I would be very sad to be absent, and no it's not something that can be moved. But in all likelihood it sounds as if I'll just have to deal. 

 

[dinny]

Tone of the response wasn't necessary? lol... Welcome to 2016. 

Why don't you spend time with this friend(s) ahead of time to show your support, and/or spend a lot of time with them before and after to make up for it? Asking a school to, for a second time, cancel all their plans and reschedule flights is extremely unprofessional and will reflect poorly upon you. 

[floatinggreenskull]

Ah yes, I had completely forgot about that, @dinny! Thank you for reminding me that the current year gives us all free reign to snark at one another without repercussion through the anonymity of an internet forum. I am certainly now enlightened!

And for the record, my 24 hours here at the campus would be spent freely...no scheduled activities or anything of the like, just a tour and briefly meeting people if they're around. Not making excuses, but it's not like the school is having to shift around a huge interconnected group of schedules. And certainly no rescheduling of flights on the school's behalf. My bad once again for not including that info. 

I am going to suck it up and attend the campus visit.

 

 

Edited February 28, 2016 by floatinggreenskull

[TakeruK]

34 minutes ago, floatinggreenskull said:

And for the record, my 24 hours here at the campus would be spent freely...no scheduled activities or anything of the like, just a tour and briefly meeting people if they're around. Not making excuses, but it's not like the school is having to shift around a huge interconnected group of schedules. And certainly no rescheduling of flights on the school's behalf. My bad once again for not including that info. 

I am going to suck it up and attend the campus visit.

This information (added emphasis) makes a big difference, in my opinion. In my above analysis, I was assuming that your visit was typical to what is like in my field, where the school takes care of everything and it's a 2-3 day visit where every minute is scheduled (tours, meetings, etc.) and they plan dinners and other social events for the visiting student(s). In hindsight, this is probably a bad assumption to have made.

In any case, knowing this information, I would say rescheduling may not be the worst thing, especially if you are taking care of your own travel and paying your own cancellation costs. That is, option #3 above might be the best choice after all. Sure, it will still reflect poorly on you a little bit that you had to change the plans again, but if the situation is really that the school isn't doing any planning on their end, it should not be a big deal. If nothing is planned yet (i.e. no professors booked time to see you, no social events or meals planned) then rescheduling shouldn't be a big deal at all. However, one caveat to this is that maybe they actually have already planned things and didn't tell you. But you're the one in contact with the school, not us, so you're the best judge of what they have done. I'm just giving this warning since in many cases, a lot of things are planned but you don't get the schedule with everything planned listed until the night before or the morning you arrive! 

Also, we're from very different fields where the norms on visits could vary a lot.