After your student is no longer your student...

[frankdux]

...is it acceptable to ask them out? Assume the semester is over and the grades have been finalized and it's the start of the next semester already.

I ask because I don't want my penis to get me kicked out of grad school.

[fred987]

Yes.

My ex boyfriend was my chemistry lab TA. They told him that if he liked anyone in the class to ask for them to be switched out of his section or wait until the semester was over.

[tarski]

Haha, this is something I've noticed policies for while researching schools.

Most seem to think it's okay if the semester is over, but you should check your handbook or whatever. Some don't want you even asking out someone who could potentially be in a future class. I forget which schools said which.

[kahlan_amnell]

Check if the school has a policy about grad students dating undergrads. I know of at least one school that has a policy that says grad students are never allowed to date undergrads. Regardless of the policy, it would be a bad idea if there is any chance the student could be in another one of your classes in the future.

[zilch]

I think most schools frown upon it if he/she is currently your student but don't really care once they're out of your class. But the previous posters are right, check your handbook and possibly talk to your department office if you feel comfortable enough with them. I've had a few friends during undergrad who dated grad students so it's not uncommon. I've even heard of grad students dating professors.

[mlle]

... possibly talk to your department office if you feel comfortable enough with them.

You mean literally talk to the department about it!!!??? You kid. I'm sure they'd find that a most compelling question to pose to the dept office: "Hi, Dr. DGS. I'd like to know the school's policy on TAs dating undergrads. I have the hots for one of my soon-to-be-former-students and I'd like to hit on her." :-o

[zilch]

I kid not. But as I said, only do it if you feel comfortable with them. I know the administrators in my college well enough that I'd ask them about it if I were in a situation like this. This is, of course, completely dependent on your relationship with your department/college office. I mentioned it because administrators have a wealth of knowledge not only about the related regulations but probably also of instances where it's happened in the past.

[kdilks]

You mean literally talk to the department about it!!!??? You kid. I'm sure they'd find that a most compelling question to pose to the dept office: "Hi, Dr. DGS. I'd like to know the school's policy on TAs dating undergrads. I have the hots for one of my soon-to-be-former-students and I'd like to hit on her." :-o

...we had an hour long presentation during our orientation specifically devoted to issues like dating undergrads (or superiors), sexual harassment, and the like. Highlights included "there's 30,000 undergrads on this campus; go find one that's not in your class", and "don't overestimate your sexual attractiveness".

[UnlikelyGrad]

...we had an hour long presentation during our orientation specifically devoted to issues like dating undergrads (or superiors), sexual harassment, and the like.

Ours was an hour and a half...booooring.

I'm married, so it's a moot issue for me. But if I weren't...I can't imagine dating an undergrad, but then most of my students are young enough to be my kids!! I'm about the same age as many of my professors though.

Frank, I hope for your sake that the undergrad feels the same way about you as you do about her. :-) It's rare that these things go both ways.

[mudlark]

If it wasn't ok to date former students, I wouldn't be here. My dad was my mom's TA in music college!

[piccgeek]

At my school, the attitude about dating people you meet in class (delivered during the mandatory "omg sexual harassment/racial discrimination/dating students or profs/etc" speech), seems to be "hey, people meet people in college....we get that." Obviously they don't want you dating your current students, but I know that the administration here is comfortable with you dating former students. There's an unspoken policy that you don't *talk* about your girlfriend as your former student, though. It's like don't ask, don't tell. The situation they really are afraid of is grad students dating their academic advisers...man is THAT messy...

[frankdux]

Frank, I hope for your sake that the undergrad feels the same way about you as you do about her. :-) It's rare that these things go both ways.

Gee, thanks.

[little ny]

Haha yikes that was a tad harsh. What sensible woman wouldn't want a smart, older man knocking on her door? I say as long as the rules permit, go for it! When I was an undergrad, I had a friend who dated a grad student after she finished his class and I knew another girl who even dated a teacher. I would imagine that the easiest person to ask is someone in the counseling center. if it's a no-no, I'm sure they have to deal with issues like that all the time.

[UnlikelyGrad]

Haha yikes that was a tad harsh. What sensible woman wouldn't want a smart, older man knocking on her door?

Not trying to be harsh...just speaking as a woman who gets a fair amount of male interest. I know what it's like to be on the other side of the coin. For one thing, it's entirely possible that the woman is already in a relationship with someone. And there's the whole issue of what she finds attractive in the first place; I've only found maybe 5-10% of the guys who hit on me to be worthy of any attention at all. (It's a moot issue, because I'm married, but still...)

I imagined that I would be exempt from this in grad school since I'm so much older than everyone else, but NOOOOOO... I even have a freshman in one of my classes who flirts with me. I've mentioned that I have a son who's close to his age but that doesn't seem to faze him! Bleah.