Should I visit if I'm socially awkward?

[terrifiedhuman]

I'm on the waitlist for a school I've been invited to for visiting weekend. However, I'm afraid that attending the visiting weekend will actually make them want me less, because I'm very socially awkward. However I'm afraid that if I don't go it will also reflect poorly on me, like I don't care about going there. So I don't know what to do...(I really want to go to this school).

It's also worth noting that since I'm only on the waitlist and not admitted, my visiting expenses will not be covered. I would pay for it out of pocket.

Advice?

[bandinterwebs]

Do NOT let your social awkwardness get in the way of attending any visit you want. I went to visit a top 2 program, and most of the students I know who have have already received their acceptances were incredibly awkward. One girl was so difficult to talk to that I avoided her for the rest of the weekend - but she has magnificent research experience and has a really impressive application, and THOSE are what got her accepted. Being charming might get you a job, but it won't necessarily get you a spot in a rigorous program. I should know, I am very charming (jokes)

I can't speak to  waitlist/expenses situation. I think that is a personal decision that depends greatly on how much you want to go to this school. While I don't know that going will improve your chances any, I would assume that not going to the visit weekend might shut the door. This may be your chance to wow a professor, but of course I do not know the structure of this particular visit weekend. I've been to five visit weekends at this point, and it seems that largely the point is to match up with professors. 

[rising_star]

I would make the decision about whether or not to visit based on your finances, rather than concerns about your social awkwardness. That is, can you afford to fund a 2 day visit to this department/city? If so, then you should go. If you cannot, then don't go. While you're there, you'll want to try to minimize your awkwardness, some of which can be done by letting others take the lead. Good luck deciding!

[PoliticalOrder]

Use it as an opportunity to improve your social skills, don't avoid things because of them (or lack thereof). 

[Apogeee]

19 hours ago, terrifiedhuman said:

I'm on the waitlist for a school I've been invited to for visiting weekend. However, I'm afraid that attending the visiting weekend will actually make them want me less, because I'm very socially awkward. However I'm afraid that if I don't go it will also reflect poorly on me, like I don't care about going there. So I don't know what to do...(I really want to go to this school).

It's also worth noting that since I'm only on the waitlist and not admitted, my visiting expenses will not be covered. I would pay for it out of pocket.

Advice?

Just getting into a program isn't the whole picture. You will have to be renewed every year after that. Is your sense of social awkwardness more among your age-peers, or is it more general? Very often, people who don't get along with peers in the general school population find themselves right at home in academia. If this is more of a problem than just a sense of awkwardness, consider counseling. Regardless of what your status will be in academia, at some point you will probably have to work at a job somewhere. Tackling these issues now, if it is just a matter of facing them, can give you more confidence. As to the visiting weekend expenses, can you afford it to go? After visiting, it is possible that you will either find out that you fit right in, or that you don't even really want to go there. Good luck. 

[savay]

If you can afford to make the trip, I would advocate for you to go. I understand being anxious and nervous as is, and that it can feel even more daunting in a situation where you want to make a good impression, but they're also allowing you to have the opportunity to meet with potential peers and faculty members. That's a really valuable experience to have when in the midst of decision making. I received two comparable admit offers, both that were good research fits for my area, but I felt so much more at home at one program than in the other. I wouldn't know that without visiting both departments.

Because this is a stressful situation, I would also suggest that if you do decide to go you anticipate your needs as much as possible. Is there someone in your support network (friend, parent, etc.) that you could schedule a time to check in with via phone while on campus? Is there a certain activity that helps channel your nerves that you could practice while there, etc. You want to be in a position where you can really focus on the reasons for your visit -- meeting faculty, potential cohort, seeing campus resources; while managing your awkwardness so that it doesn't overwhelm your thoughts.