Ready to Go?

[Amanda]

Hey everyone! So...I'm in the last phase of my statement of intent but I'm getting last minute jitters. Truth be told, I feel pretty good about it but I was wondering if you all might scan it and tell me what you think. I'm not looking for a detailed tearing apart or anything, more like a sentence or two telling me what you think of it. I've had tons of my family and friends read it over but of course, I'm a little skeptical of their comments.

So...what do you think? Am I ready to hit that submit button?

"I am applying to the doctoral program at the ______ program because of my enduring interest in people, technology, and society. As an experienced researcher I already possess many of the qualities vital to success in the professional world. _______ provides the missing piece, a program that supports my existing interests while providing room to grow in both my topics of inquiry and my capabilities. My work ethic, scientific creativity, and drive to understand the relationship between technology and society make me an ideal candidate for this doctoral program.

________ is the premiere institution for the study of communication and technology for a variety of reasons. The strategic imperatives of the program highlight a distinct commitment to research that is both forward thinking and grounded in practical application. Computer mediated communication is well represented by prominent faculty such as _______, ________, and _________. The addition of _____ has bolstered the program's concentration in media studies and digital culture. Research programs such as the _________, _________, and ___________ further establish ______ as the place to study new media and its social repercussions. Not only do these projects contribute to the academic dialogue, but they also seek out positive applications through local and national engagement. An excellent course selection is also a key element of the doctoral program. _____ prepares its students for success with solid coursework in the essentials of theory and research. Beyond this, there are many classes which are ideal for students interested in the intersection of technology and society. In these classes topics such as social movements, politics, advocacy, the arts, small groups, and online communities are covered from relevant perspectives such as dramatistic and diffusion theory. Through this rich course selection, students concentrating in media, culture, and communication are provided with ample resources from which to develop their own work.

This atmosphere would serve as the ideal incubator for my research interests. My “big question” is how social institutions, as well as the individuals who populate them, have been impacted by, utilized, and adapted to new media and advances in communication technology. Clearly, these advances have changed the relationship between social institutions and individuals. This has implications for the whys and hows of group membership as well as group influence on members' personal identities. Further, it has ramifications for the possible impact of communities on the larger culture. This is particularly important in the realm of cultural studies and political communication. Understanding the dynamics of these relationships would not only add to the dialogue about communication and technology, but it would also shed some light on the practical applications of online communities and new media.

Despite my youth and the distractions of juggling a full time job, undergraduate classes, and several internships, I have already begun to pursue this “big question”. I was first introduced to the internet as a preteen and I have been people watching online ever since. As an internet native, I learned the ins and outs of communicating online and was exposed to multifarious online groups very early on. As an undergraduate at ___________, I utilized my research methods class to design small projects that explored computer mediated communication as well as online communities. The early exposure to online research means that I am familiar with some of the challenges and frustrations that my research questions will require me to deal with. This was also the beginning of my academic pursuit of the ____ community. I knew from past casual observation that they are a fascinating group, however, I had an inclination that popular perception had them wrong. When my content analysis project supported this intuition and I realized that sociologists were not writing about them, I became determined to seek out answers for myself. This meant developing my own theoretical framework for understanding ______, independently designing a survey of the local convention, and finally constructing my own senior capstone course to analyze the data I had collected.

I hope to continue my research on the ______ community. This would include gathering nationwide demographics, interviewing community members, content analysis on ______, and participant observation of the group both online and off. Further, I would like to apply what I learned from this project to other online communities and explore them in a similar matter. In line with my “big question”, I would focus on two types of online communities, those that are casual in nature and those that are political or oriented towards social activism. Theoretical and methodological guidance from faculty who share my interests such as _______, ________, and _______ would provide me with specialized insight not available in other doctoral programs. Through this work I would hope to not only contribute to the field but also to suggest ways in which new media and online communities can be positively understood and utilized in the future.

While I possess the skills necessary to be a successful doctoral student, I am particularly qualified for enrollment at _______ because of my excellent fit with the research and atmosphere at the school. Like _______, I am committed to innovation and looking beyond the ivory tower. I am fascinated by the world of online communities and the potential for new media and I see that passion reflected at _______ both through the faculty as well as current doctoral students. I believe that _____ will present me with the education and research opportunities necessary to be successful in the professional world. In return, I am confident that I will become a credit to _______'s reputation for innovative and meaningful research, not only as a student but throughout my professional career."

P.S. - I have to submit this in the next couple of days so I'll be a little preoccupied but if anyone out there wants me to read their statement over for them feel free to pm it to me. I'll get it back to you with my thoughts asap.

[ridgey]

Caveat: I'm not in your field.

I think your content is fine but your tone is off. It reads a lot like a cover letter for a job a the moment. You don't want to explicitly say how great you are or your strengths (paragraphs 1 and 6) nor to talk about the program as if you worked in marketing (paragraph 2). I think your third and fifth paragraphs are far better in terms of tone. Parapgraph 4 is close except for the opening.

Not trying to by harsh - I'm too much of a wuss to even put mine up here. Hope this was helpful.

[dzk]

IMO, you've structured it backwards. You shouldn't be talking about fit before you talk about yourself. Your introduction is good, but there's no way you should launch into a discussion of how awesome their program is before you talk about what you want to do and what your qualifications are.

You do very well with talking about your research interests and how this program is a good fit for you, but your qualifications seem to begin and end at a couple independent study courses. I imagine you've done quite a bit more than that, so you don't want to leave it at that. Talk yourself up more.

[dzk]

You don't want to explicitly say how great you are or your strengths

I disagree entirely. Your goal is to convince these people that you are awesome, by any means possible. You need to do it tactfully, but you do not want to shy away from showing off your accomplishments. They need to read this and think "We should interview this person." This is not the time to be humble.

[Amanda]

talk about the program as if you worked in marketing

IMO, you've structured it backwards. You shouldn't be talking about fit before you talk about yourself. Your introduction is good, but there's no way you should launch into a discussion of how awesome their program is before you talk about what you want to do and what your qualifications are.

These comments are actually something I was worried about. What I was trying to do here is frame the program in terms of my interests. By talking about the strengths they have in the area of my concentration I was hoping to highlight my fit with the program. There's really a lot more going on at this particular school than I let onto here but that's the point, to highlight what's relevant to me.

Iggy, do you think it would work if I just flip-flopped the about me with the description of the program or does the program paragraph need a complete rewrite?

I disagree entirely. Your goal is to convince these people that you are awesome, by any means possible. You need to do it tactfully, but you do not want to shy away from showing off your accomplishments. They need to read this and think "We should interview this person." This is not the time to be humble.

Yeah, this is kind of the advice I've gotten as well. Do I come across this way?

In terms of my experience, I am a little on the light side but I was encouraged by someone in the program to apply anyways. So if it seems like I don't know that it's going to get much stronger. I tried to highlight the things that made me feel I would be successful regardless such as my commitment to pursuing research despite other distractions and my strong/creative interest in the field. Does this not come across well?

Thanks for your input guys...and don't worry about being harsh. I can take it.

[captiv8ed]

Your second paragraph kind of reads like a brochure for the school. They know what is awesome about their program. They want to know why you will be awesome there.

[Amanda]

Your second paragraph kind of reads like a brochure for the school. They know what is awesome about their program. They want to know why you will be awesome there.

Yup. This is sort of what I was afraid of. I'm in the process of reworking this right now. Everything else look pretty good to you?

[dzk]

Re-ordering the paragraphs with some major edits should be fine. You want to make sure it's clear why each of the things you talk about in the second paragraph are important to you, and how you're able to take advantage of such resources, not just write a laundry list of good things about them.

I tried to highlight the things that made me feel I would be successful regardless such as my commitment to pursuing research despite other distractions and my strong/creative interest in the field. Does this not come across well?

It comes across fine, I just found myself looking for more of the cold, hard, accomplishments. Published here, presented here, got awesome grades, whatever. If you don't have more to talk about, then that's all you can do, but I figured you could stand to flaunt your CV a bit more if there's stuff you left out.

[Amanda]

It comes across fine, I just found myself looking for more of the cold, hard, accomplishments. Published here, presented here, got awesome grades, whatever.

Yeah, I hear what you're saying. This is sort of the opposite of what I've heard before in terms of, "they already have your resume, writing sample, and transcripts so why repeat it in the SoP?" But I think you're right. At the least I could play up what I have a bit more. Certainly, I got awesome grades and I did speak at an undergraduate conference so it sounds like I should at least mention that.

[ridgey]

I disagree entirely. Your goal is to convince these people that you are awesome, by any means possible. You need to do it tactfully, but you do not want to shy away from showing off your accomplishments. They need to read this and think "We should interview this person." This is not the time to be humble.

Oh, I'm certainly not advocating underselling oneself in the SOP. I think often rather than convincing the readers that you're awesome, the (undoubtedly wrong) impression can be of someone who is full of themself.

[shai]

One thing - I think that you would want to state your skills, not just say you posses them.

[Amanda]

One thing - I think that you would want to state your skills, not just say you posses them.

Is this reference to a specific part of the statement or just overall? I feel like what I may do is go back and look at what I've said about myself through the course of the statement and work that into the last sentence of my first paragraph. That way I've said it and shown it in my statement.

I'm guessing that would kind of fix the problem you brought up, am I right?

[mudlark]

I definitely agree with the comments that you've structured this backwards, and that the tone seems a bit off.

As far as selling yourself as a strong candidate, try the old creative writing advice to "Show, don't tell." For example, this paragraph:

"I am applying to the doctoral program at the ______ program because of my enduring interest in people, technology, and society. As an experienced researcher I already possess many of the qualities vital to success in the professional world. _______ provides the missing piece, a program that supports my existing interests while providing room to grow in both my topics of inquiry and my capabilities. My work ethic, scientific creativity, and drive to understand the relationship between technology and society make me an ideal candidate for this doctoral program.

...could be edited so that instead of telling them that you have the skills necessary to succeed as a researcher, you show them that you do by mentioning your latest or most important project.

This atmosphere would serve as the ideal incubator for my research interests. My “big question” is how social institutions, as well as the individuals who populate them, have been impacted by, utilized, and adapted to new media and advances in communication technology.

Nitpick edit: I'd change the order to "have utilized, been impacted by, and adapted to new media". The segment "impacted by, utilized" tripped me up when reading.

This certainly is a "big question". It sounds like it's big enough to contain the entire discipline of communications, actually! What little chunk of it are you going to take and make your own? Is there a specific population or time period you're interested in? This really needs specifics, which are a great way to show that you have the experience and skills to frame a research question.

Clearly, these advances have changed the relationship between social institutions and individuals. This has implications for the whys and hows of group membership as well as group influence on members' personal identities. Further, it has ramifications for the possible impact of communities on the larger culture. This is particularly important in the realm of cultural studies and political communication. Understanding the dynamics of these relationships would not only add to the dialogue about communication and technology, but it would also shed some light on the practical applications of online communities and new media.

Who are the key people who have worked on this before? Dropping in a few names of the foundational texts and authors in your discipline would help show that you know the lay of the land.

Despite my youth and the distractions of juggling a full time job, undergraduate classes, and several internships, I have already begun to pursue this “big question”.

This is one of the moments where you over-sell yourself and come across as a bit arrogant. What you have described here is a fairly standard undergraduate experience. You also won't endear yourself to any committee member who was a non-traditional student (or has a spouse or friends who were, or is a big supporter of non-traditional students...) by trumpeting your youth. I think this sentence should be cut.

I was first introduced to the internet as a preteen and I have been people watching online ever since. As an internet native, I learned the ins and outs of communicating online and was exposed to multifarious online groups very early on.

This is also the standard experience of people born in the 80s. Can you replace it with something that will stand out more?

As an undergraduate at ___________, I utilized my research methods class to design small projects that explored computer mediated communication as well as online communities. The early exposure to online research means that I am familiar with some of the challenges and frustrations that my research questions will require me to deal with.

Good. Such as? How will you work on those challenges?

This was also the beginning of my academic pursuit of the ____ community. I knew from past casual observation that they are a fascinating group, however, I had an inclination that popular perception had them wrong. When my content analysis project supported this intuition and I realized that sociologists were not writing about them, I became determined to seek out answers for myself. This meant developing my own theoretical framework for understanding ______, independently designing a survey of the local convention, and finally constructing my own senior capstone course to analyze the data I had collected.

Ok, awesome! A distinct research topic! This needs to come waaaaaaaay earlier in your SOP, like maybe in the first or second paragraph.

I hope to continue my research on the ______ community. This would include gathering nationwide demographics, interviewing community members, content analysis on ______, and participant observation of the group both online and off. Further, I would like to apply what I learned from this project to other online communities and explore them in a similar matter. In line with my “big question”, I would focus on two types of online communities, those that are casual in nature and those that are political or oriented towards social activism. Theoretical and methodological guidance from faculty who share my interests such as _______, ________, and _______ would provide me with specialized insight not available in other doctoral programs. Through this work I would hope to not only contribute to the field but also to suggest ways in which new media and online communities can be positively understood and utilized in the future.

Good, but I want to know more about that group. Which specific tools and methodological frameworks did you/will you use?. How exactly were they mis-perceived? Why is this group important? Has other research been done on them? How does yours fit in? You have a focus here, but you need to get into the how and so what?

Also, I wouldn't say "big question" more than once. It's one of the moments where you kind of sound like a marketer.

While I possess the skills necessary to be a successful doctoral student, I am particularly qualified for enrollment at _______ because of my excellent fit with the research and atmosphere at the school.

I would back off here. The committee determines whether you have those skills. Maybe phrase this in terms of having a good foundation, and School X providing the resources you need to continue developing?

Like _______, I am committed to innovation and looking beyond the ivory tower. I am fascinated by the world of online communities and the potential for new media and I see that passion reflected at _______ both through the faculty as well as current doctoral students. I believe that _____ will present me with the education and research opportunities necessary to be successful in the professional world. In return, I am confident that I will become a credit to _______'s reputation for innovative and meaningful research, not only as a student but throughout my professional career."

I feel like you already covered this territory in your last 'fit' paragraph. Why not combine them to economize space?

Here's what I would do:

1. Bulk up paragraph one with specifics. Show, don't tell.

2. Delete paragraph two entirely. If you really can't bring yourself to get rid of one or two absolutely key points, move them to the fit paragraph.

3. Move the last part of paragraph four and the beginning of paragraph five to where paragraph two used to be. Use the space you've bought to flesh out your experience, and your research plans. This may take a couple of paragraphs. Include at least a cursory review of existing scholarship (a few big names) and some discussion of methodology.

4. Gather personal background stuff into one paragraph, and make sure that it has hard examples in it.

5. Combine existing fit paragraphs into one big finish.

It seems like you have a clear topic in mind. Showcase it! The adcom already knows their school is great, and why. They don't know what your research is or why it matters. Sell your IDEAS, not your school selection.

Hope this helps.

[Amanda]

Whoa! Thanks for all the comments mudlark! I'm not going to reply blow by blow to your edit but instead I'm going to continue the redrafting I started last night. A little bit later I'm going to post my new draft and you can all tell me if you think I got the drift.

I really appreciate everyone's help on this. To be honest, I felt pretty good about it before and I know with all of your comments I'm going to be able to get it into the amazing category! Time to hole up, see you all in a few hours!

[peppermint.beatnik]

I'm always amazed at how personal American app sop's are. In Canada they pretty much just want to know about your research, prep, etc.

Also, "impacted" isn't a word unless you're talking about teeth.

"impact" is rarely used properly. To "impact" something is to make physical contact, such as a collision. "Affect" is the word most people mean when they say impact.

Edited November 30, 2009 by peppermint.beatnik

[Amanda]

"impact" is rarely used properly. To "impact" something is to make physical contact, such as a collision. "Affect" is the word most people mean when they say impact.

Hey, hey. Good to know!

[Amanda]

Alright everyone. I worked your comments into my statement and while I don't think I'm done quite yet...I need to take a break from writing this and take the big step of submitting my other materials. If you wouldn't mind looking this over and telling me if you feel it has improved or not I would greatly appreciate it. I feel like I'm getting closer...but now I need to work on making it sound a bit nicer. The reordering of the paragraphs was a huge help!

" I am applying to the doctoral program at the ___________ because of my enduring interest in technology and society which pushed me well beyond the expectations of my undergraduate institution. During this time I authored two in-depth papers, presented at a conference, designed my own senior capstone course, and independently surveyed a local community, clearly displaying my suitability for the academic world. Nevertheless, a piece is missing from my professional-researcher puzzle. _______ provides this missing piece; a program that excels in the realm of technology and communication which will foster the growth of both my ideas and my capabilities. My drive to pursue answers along with my fit with the program at _______ will ensure my success as a doctoral student.

My general area of interest is in the functioning of communities and individuals in the modern context of advanced communication technology. These technological advances have changed the relationship between communities and individuals. This has implications for the whys and hows of group membership as well as its influence on members' identities. Further, it has ramifications for the ability of communities to the larger culture. This is particularly important in the realm of cultural studies and political communication. Understanding the dynamics of these relationships is both an academic and a practical concern.

As an internet native, was exposed to a multitude of online groups very early on. Instead of joining these groups, however, I found myself drawn to observing them, wondering endlessly about their participation and the social rules they followed. After nearly a decade of people watching online, this hobby found an outlet in my research methods class at ________. Despite the challenges of online research I threw myself into my assignments, designing small research projects on both computer mediated communication and online communities. This was where my academic pursuit of the _____ began. I was familiar with this group through years of casual observation. They were also portrayed occasionally in popular culture, but I had an inclination that this _____ portrayal was either incomplete or wholly inappropriate. When my first content analysis project supported this intuition and I realized that sociologists were not writing about the fandom, I became determined to seek out answers myself. This launched me into the world of independently guided research, where I did not mind working all night or replacing my weekend with hours spent surveying and conversing with ____. The only disappointment came when I graduated and missed the world of research more and more everyday.

I am looking to pick up with my research where I left off. Initially I would focus on the _____, through a nationwide survey, interviews, performing content analysis on their primary message boards, and carrying out participant observation of the group both online and off. This will produce a complete view of the ____ which will finally answer a number of theoretical questions about them including who they are, how their identities are involved in the community, why they are involved in the _____ and the symbolic organization of the group. Applying what is learned from this project to other online communities will hopefully reveal patterns in participation and identification, bringing about a clearer understanding of the role they have in society. I would focus on two types of online communities, those that are casual in nature and those that are oriented towards social activism. Through this work I would contribute to the academic dialogue but also hope to uncover practical applications for online communities as well as the new media products they use and create.

____ would serve as an ideal incubator for this project. The program's commitment to research that is both forward thinking and grounded in practical application matches well with my atypical research topic which I feel holds much practical use. Moreover, projects such as ____ and ______blend my research interests with practical application. Another project unique to _______, the ________, would provides the valuable experience of being directly involved in quantitative research on online communities. While many faculty members in the program share my interests in media, online communities, and computer mediated communication, I am particularly interested in working with ________ and ______. ________'s research into the social elements of online games provides a strong methodological reference for my work regarding online communities. ________, who I have contacted and has indicated an interest in my research, is an ideal advisor due to his expertise in fan communities and new media which intersects with my interest in online communities on many levels. Finally, the top-notch methodology coursework along with the variety of courses offered covering topics and theories relative media, culture, and technology will ensure that I have the academic background to fully develop my own research.

I am fascinated by technology and how it has affected communities as well as individuals, and I see that passion mirrored at _______ through its research projects, faculty, and coursework. For this reason, I believe this program will present me with the education and opportunities necessary to make the most of my passion. In return, I am confident that I will become a credit to ______'s reputation for innovative and meaningful research, not only as a student but throughout my professional career."

Thanks again guys! As soon as this deadline is passed I will be here as much as possible to help the rest of you out. All your comments are very much appreciated!

Amanda

[a fragrant plant]

Alright everyone. I worked your comments into my statement and while I don't think I'm done quite yet...I need to take a break from writing this and take the big step of submitting my other materials. If you wouldn't mind looking this over and telling me if you feel it has improved or not I would greatly appreciate it. I feel like I'm getting closer...but now I need to work on making it sound a bit nicer. The reordering of the paragraphs was a huge help!

" I am applying to the doctoral program at the ___________ because of my enduring interest in technology and society which pushed me well beyond the expectations of my undergraduate institution. During this time I authored two in-depth papers, presented at a conference, designed my own senior capstone course, and independently surveyed a local community, clearly displaying my suitability for the academic world. Nevertheless, a piece is missing from my professional-researcher puzzle. _______ provides this missing piece; a program that excels in the realm of technology and communication which will foster the growth of both my ideas and my capabilities. My drive to pursue answers along with my fit with the program at _______ will ensure my success as a doctoral student.

My general area of interest is in the functioning of communities and individuals in the modern context of advanced communication technology. These technological advances have changed the relationship between communities and individuals. This has implications for the whys and hows of group membership as well as its influence on members' identities. Further, it has ramifications for the ability of communities to the larger culture. This is particularly important in the realm of cultural studies and political communication. Understanding the dynamics of these relationships is both an academic and a practical concern.

As an internet native, was exposed to a multitude of online groups very early on. Instead of joining these groups, however, I found myself drawn to observing them, wondering endlessly about their participation and the social rules they followed. After nearly a decade of people watching online, this hobby found an outlet in my research methods class at ________. Despite the challenges of online research I threw myself into my assignments, designing small research projects on both computer mediated communication and online communities. This was where my academic pursuit of the _____ began. I was familiar with this group through years of casual observation. They were also portrayed occasionally in popular culture, but I had an inclination that this _____ portrayal was either incomplete or wholly inappropriate. When my first content analysis project supported this intuition and I realized that sociologists were not writing about the fandom, I became determined to seek out answers myself. This launched me into the world of independently guided research, where I did not mind working all night or replacing my weekend with hours spent surveying and conversing with ____. The only disappointment came when I graduated and missed the world of research more and more everyday.

I am looking to pick up with my research where I left off. Initially I would focus on the _____, through a nationwide survey, interviews, performing content analysis on their primary message boards, and carrying out participant observation of the group both online and off. This will produce a complete view of the ____ which will finally answer a number of theoretical questions about them including who they are, how their identities are involved in the community, why they are involved in the _____ and the symbolic organization of the group. Applying what is learned from this project to other online communities will hopefully reveal patterns in participation and identification, bringing about a clearer understanding of the role they have in society. I would focus on two types of online communities, those that are casual in nature and those that are oriented towards social activism. Through this work I would contribute to the academic dialogue but also hope to uncover practical applications for online communities as well as the new media products they use and create.

____ would serve as an ideal incubator for this project. The program's commitment to research that is both forward thinking and grounded in practical application matches well with my atypical research topic which I feel holds much practical use. Moreover, projects such as ____ and ______blend my research interests with practical application. Another project unique to _______, the ________, would provides the valuable experience of being directly involved in quantitative research on online communities. While many faculty members in the program share my interests in media, online communities, and computer mediated communication, I am particularly interested in working with ________ and ______. ________'s research into the social elements of online games provides a strong methodological reference for my work regarding online communities. ________, who I have contacted and has indicated an interest in my research, is an ideal advisor due to his expertise in fan communities and new media which intersects with my interest in online communities on many levels. Finally, the top-notch methodology coursework along with the variety of courses offered covering topics and theories relative media, culture, and technology will ensure that I have the academic background to fully develop my own research.

I am fascinated by technology and how it has affected communities as well as individuals, and I see that passion mirrored at _______ through its research projects, faculty, and coursework. For this reason, I believe this program will present me with the education and opportunities necessary to make the most of my passion. In return, I am confident that I will become a credit to ______'s reputation for innovative and meaningful research, not only as a student but throughout my professional career."

Thanks again guys! As soon as this deadline is passed I will be here as much as possible to help the rest of you out. All your comments are very much appreciated!

Amanda

It is much more coherent now! Well done!

[peppermint.beatnik]

Big improvement in just one revision!

I think the first sentence of the statement should be two sentences. Not only because you have 2 ideas in the sentence, but also because I think it would be more effective.

I think you're missing an "I" "As an internet native, was exposed to a multitude of online groups very early on.

I'm not sure how I feel about the sentence below. I'm not saying take it out, but make sure you follow through on the "show, don't tell" suggestion someone else mentioned.

"My drive to pursue answers along with my fit with the program at _______ will ensure my success as a doctoral student."

re: After nearly a decade of people watching online. I think it's a good idea to put language like "people watching" in quotations, but that's just what I would do.

[Amanda]

peanut - Thanks for the support! I appreciate it.

beatnick - Good catches. I definitely agree with you about the first sentence, now that I look at it.

[ruster57]

You might want to also mention a few researchers central to this field--danah boyd and Michael Wesch among them.

[Amanda]

You might want to also mention a few researchers central to this field--danah boyd and Michael Wesch among them.

Yeah, thanks! I actually added a LITTLE more and got a couple names in. It wasn't much of a new draft though so I didn't post it up here. That was something I kind of struggled with working in.

On that note, I want to thank everyone for their help. Last night before I went to bed I decided against saving it for another redraft and submitted it. So I am all done with that one! I really appreciate everyone's comments. I think it especially helped me make a big improvement from that second to the third draft. If any of you are still looking for help with your statements, let me know, my application schedule is winding down now so I can help more.