Amanda

I know! *panic, panic*

I definitely agree with NeuroNerd. I mean...what a great way to stick out to the adcomm which will probably get completely sick of reading tons of longer statements. If you can whittle it down to something more concise, I would suggest you do it. Just as long as you reread it to be sure that you've answered their questions, I think you'd be good with something a bit on the shorter side. The plus side is that if you absolutely can't get it any shorter, you don't need to be concerned about cutting out that ONE sentence that you just love.

Awesome advice for anyone in the grad school application process.

Yeah, thanks! I actually added a LITTLE more and got a couple names in. It wasn't much of a new draft though so I didn't post it up here. That was something I kind of struggled with working in. On that note, I want to thank everyone for their help. Last night before I went to bed I decided against saving it for another redraft and submitted it. So I am all done with that one! I really appreciate everyone's comments. I think it especially helped me make a big improvement from that second to the third draft. If any of you are still looking for help with your statements, let me know, my application schedule is winding down now so I can help more.

Yeah, that makes sense. I think what I was envisioning was a situation where you might be interested in working for a private research firm or maybe the government. I know these jobs are tough to get into (and I don't know your education level but I only have a BA and that basically means disaster) but maybe you can say you would go to work for a private firm? If you would, of course. Imagining myself in your shoes, that might be something I would talk about. Developing my research career at a private research firm. Or if you're all about teaching at the college level maybe you could talk about teaching high school or going to Teach for America? I guess all of these are sort of obvious alternatives to graduate school. I feel like you could make the private route work although it might make you look less committed to working in a university setting. Man...this is actually a tougher question than it originally seemed to be....

Yay, it must be so nice to have it behind you!

Haha. I like this statement, but I'm sure you're right in thinking that they won't. Maybe you could frame it in your commitment to research. You really want to pursue the track that this program would put you on and you are going to seek it out wherever you can. I think that's a little vague but...I feel like the question sort of is as well. Maybe you could think about it as if you didn't get in to any of the programs. What would you do? Reapply. But in the meantime what would your goals be? I think that if you find yourself thinking of interim goals that would make you a strong candidate next time you applied, you're in good shape. I mean think of it this way...that looks great and it's also honest!

My schools are all very vague about what they're expecting in terms of formatting so I'm sticking with the standard double spaced on the writing sample, 12 pt, Times font and then a little more lax on the SoP (only because I think most schools judge the length by words instead of pages). I think the big thing is to make sure that your name and the program you are applying to is in the header on every page...you know, just so nothing gets lost.

peanut - Thanks for the support! I appreciate it. beatnick - Good catches. I definitely agree with you about the first sentence, now that I look at it.

Alright everyone. I worked your comments into my statement and while I don't think I'm done quite yet...I need to take a break from writing this and take the big step of submitting my other materials. If you wouldn't mind looking this over and telling me if you feel it has improved or not I would greatly appreciate it. I feel like I'm getting closer...but now I need to work on making it sound a bit nicer. The reordering of the paragraphs was a huge help! " I am applying to the doctoral program at the ___________ because of my enduring interest in technology and society which pushed me well beyond the expectations of my undergraduate institution. During this time I authored two in-depth papers, presented at a conference, designed my own senior capstone course, and independently surveyed a local community, clearly displaying my suitability for the academic world. Nevertheless, a piece is missing from my professional-researcher puzzle. _______ provides this missing piece; a program that excels in the realm of technology and communication which will foster the growth of both my ideas and my capabilities. My drive to pursue answers along with my fit with the program at _______ will ensure my success as a doctoral student. My general area of interest is in the functioning of communities and individuals in the modern context of advanced communication technology. These technological advances have changed the relationship between communities and individuals. This has implications for the whys and hows of group membership as well as its influence on members' identities. Further, it has ramifications for the ability of communities to the larger culture. This is particularly important in the realm of cultural studies and political communication. Understanding the dynamics of these relationships is both an academic and a practical concern. As an internet native, was exposed to a multitude of online groups very early on. Instead of joining these groups, however, I found myself drawn to observing them, wondering endlessly about their participation and the social rules they followed. After nearly a decade of people watching online, this hobby found an outlet in my research methods class at ________. Despite the challenges of online research I threw myself into my assignments, designing small research projects on both computer mediated communication and online communities. This was where my academic pursuit of the _____ began. I was familiar with this group through years of casual observation. They were also portrayed occasionally in popular culture, but I had an inclination that this _____ portrayal was either incomplete or wholly inappropriate. When my first content analysis project supported this intuition and I realized that sociologists were not writing about the fandom, I became determined to seek out answers myself. This launched me into the world of independently guided research, where I did not mind working all night or replacing my weekend with hours spent surveying and conversing with ____. The only disappointment came when I graduated and missed the world of research more and more everyday. I am looking to pick up with my research where I left off. Initially I would focus on the _____, through a nationwide survey, interviews, performing content analysis on their primary message boards, and carrying out participant observation of the group both online and off. This will produce a complete view of the ____ which will finally answer a number of theoretical questions about them including who they are, how their identities are involved in the community, why they are involved in the _____ and the symbolic organization of the group. Applying what is learned from this project to other online communities will hopefully reveal patterns in participation and identification, bringing about a clearer understanding of the role they have in society. I would focus on two types of online communities, those that are casual in nature and those that are oriented towards social activism. Through this work I would contribute to the academic dialogue but also hope to uncover practical applications for online communities as well as the new media products they use and create. ____ would serve as an ideal incubator for this project. The program's commitment to research that is both forward thinking and grounded in practical application matches well with my atypical research topic which I feel holds much practical use. Moreover, projects such as ____ and ______blend my research interests with practical application. Another project unique to _______, the ________, would provides the valuable experience of being directly involved in quantitative research on online communities. While many faculty members in the program share my interests in media, online communities, and computer mediated communication, I am particularly interested in working with ________ and ______. ________'s research into the social elements of online games provides a strong methodological reference for my work regarding online communities. ________, who I have contacted and has indicated an interest in my research, is an ideal advisor due to his expertise in fan communities and new media which intersects with my interest in online communities on many levels. Finally, the top-notch methodology coursework along with the variety of courses offered covering topics and theories relative media, culture, and technology will ensure that I have the academic background to fully develop my own research. I am fascinated by technology and how it has affected communities as well as individuals, and I see that passion mirrored at _______ through its research projects, faculty, and coursework. For this reason, I believe this program will present me with the education and opportunities necessary to make the most of my passion. In return, I am confident that I will become a credit to ______'s reputation for innovative and meaningful research, not only as a student but throughout my professional career." Thanks again guys! As soon as this deadline is passed I will be here as much as possible to help the rest of you out. All your comments are very much appreciated! Amanda

I absolutely think you're fine. It's an honest mistake, especially since the phrases are used almost interchangeably by students, faculty, and admission representatives. I'm glad to know we're all getting a little crazy...it's not just me.

Anyone figure out a polite way to say a professor has shown interest in your research topic? I was going to leave that out but it occurred to me that it would be a wise idea to include it so long as it can be done subtly. I can't seem to make it work without feeling like I'm bragging. Amanda

Hey, hey. Good to know!

Whoa! Thanks for all the comments mudlark! I'm not going to reply blow by blow to your edit but instead I'm going to continue the redrafting I started last night. A little bit later I'm going to post my new draft and you can all tell me if you think I got the drift. I really appreciate everyone's help on this. To be honest, I felt pretty good about it before and I know with all of your comments I'm going to be able to get it into the amazing category! Time to hole up, see you all in a few hours!

Is this reference to a specific part of the statement or just overall? I feel like what I may do is go back and look at what I've said about myself through the course of the statement and work that into the last sentence of my first paragraph. That way I've said it and shown it in my statement. I'm guessing that would kind of fix the problem you brought up, am I right?

Yeah, I hear what you're saying. This is sort of the opposite of what I've heard before in terms of, "they already have your resume, writing sample, and transcripts so why repeat it in the SoP?" But I think you're right. At the least I could play up what I have a bit more. Certainly, I got awesome grades and I did speak at an undergraduate conference so it sounds like I should at least mention that.

Yup. This is sort of what I was afraid of. I'm in the process of reworking this right now. Everything else look pretty good to you?

Same here.

These comments are actually something I was worried about. What I was trying to do here is frame the program in terms of my interests. By talking about the strengths they have in the area of my concentration I was hoping to highlight my fit with the program. There's really a lot more going on at this particular school than I let onto here but that's the point, to highlight what's relevant to me. Iggy, do you think it would work if I just flip-flopped the about me with the description of the program or does the program paragraph need a complete rewrite? Yeah, this is kind of the advice I've gotten as well. Do I come across this way? In terms of my experience, I am a little on the light side but I was encouraged by someone in the program to apply anyways. So if it seems like I don't know that it's going to get much stronger. I tried to highlight the things that made me feel I would be successful regardless such as my commitment to pursuing research despite other distractions and my strong/creative interest in the field. Does this not come across well? Thanks for your input guys...and don't worry about being harsh. I can take it.

Hey everyone! So...I'm in the last phase of my statement of intent but I'm getting last minute jitters. Truth be told, I feel pretty good about it but I was wondering if you all might scan it and tell me what you think. I'm not looking for a detailed tearing apart or anything, more like a sentence or two telling me what you think of it. I've had tons of my family and friends read it over but of course, I'm a little skeptical of their comments. So...what do you think? Am I ready to hit that submit button? "I am applying to the doctoral program at the ______ program because of my enduring interest in people, technology, and society. As an experienced researcher I already possess many of the qualities vital to success in the professional world. _______ provides the missing piece, a program that supports my existing interests while providing room to grow in both my topics of inquiry and my capabilities. My work ethic, scientific creativity, and drive to understand the relationship between technology and society make me an ideal candidate for this doctoral program. ________ is the premiere institution for the study of communication and technology for a variety of reasons. The strategic imperatives of the program highlight a distinct commitment to research that is both forward thinking and grounded in practical application. Computer mediated communication is well represented by prominent faculty such as _______, ________, and _________. The addition of _____ has bolstered the program's concentration in media studies and digital culture. Research programs such as the _________, _________, and ___________ further establish ______ as the place to study new media and its social repercussions. Not only do these projects contribute to the academic dialogue, but they also seek out positive applications through local and national engagement. An excellent course selection is also a key element of the doctoral program. _____ prepares its students for success with solid coursework in the essentials of theory and research. Beyond this, there are many classes which are ideal for students interested in the intersection of technology and society. In these classes topics such as social movements, politics, advocacy, the arts, small groups, and online communities are covered from relevant perspectives such as dramatistic and diffusion theory. Through this rich course selection, students concentrating in media, culture, and communication are provided with ample resources from which to develop their own work. This atmosphere would serve as the ideal incubator for my research interests. My “big question” is how social institutions, as well as the individuals who populate them, have been impacted by, utilized, and adapted to new media and advances in communication technology. Clearly, these advances have changed the relationship between social institutions and individuals. This has implications for the whys and hows of group membership as well as group influence on members' personal identities. Further, it has ramifications for the possible impact of communities on the larger culture. This is particularly important in the realm of cultural studies and political communication. Understanding the dynamics of these relationships would not only add to the dialogue about communication and technology, but it would also shed some light on the practical applications of online communities and new media. Despite my youth and the distractions of juggling a full time job, undergraduate classes, and several internships, I have already begun to pursue this “big question”. I was first introduced to the internet as a preteen and I have been people watching online ever since. As an internet native, I learned the ins and outs of communicating online and was exposed to multifarious online groups very early on. As an undergraduate at ___________, I utilized my research methods class to design small projects that explored computer mediated communication as well as online communities. The early exposure to online research means that I am familiar with some of the challenges and frustrations that my research questions will require me to deal with. This was also the beginning of my academic pursuit of the ____ community. I knew from past casual observation that they are a fascinating group, however, I had an inclination that popular perception had them wrong. When my content analysis project supported this intuition and I realized that sociologists were not writing about them, I became determined to seek out answers for myself. This meant developing my own theoretical framework for understanding ______, independently designing a survey of the local convention, and finally constructing my own senior capstone course to analyze the data I had collected. I hope to continue my research on the ______ community. This would include gathering nationwide demographics, interviewing community members, content analysis on ______, and participant observation of the group both online and off. Further, I would like to apply what I learned from this project to other online communities and explore them in a similar matter. In line with my “big question”, I would focus on two types of online communities, those that are casual in nature and those that are political or oriented towards social activism. Theoretical and methodological guidance from faculty who share my interests such as _______, ________, and _______ would provide me with specialized insight not available in other doctoral programs. Through this work I would hope to not only contribute to the field but also to suggest ways in which new media and online communities can be positively understood and utilized in the future. While I possess the skills necessary to be a successful doctoral student, I am particularly qualified for enrollment at _______ because of my excellent fit with the research and atmosphere at the school. Like _______, I am committed to innovation and looking beyond the ivory tower. I am fascinated by the world of online communities and the potential for new media and I see that passion reflected at _______ both through the faculty as well as current doctoral students. I believe that _____ will present me with the education and research opportunities necessary to be successful in the professional world. In return, I am confident that I will become a credit to _______'s reputation for innovative and meaningful research, not only as a student but throughout my professional career." P.S. - I have to submit this in the next couple of days so I'll be a little preoccupied but if anyone out there wants me to read their statement over for them feel free to pm it to me. I'll get it back to you with my thoughts asap.

I think these are both correct. You don't want to be too specific I think, rather just mention who you've spoken to and why they'd be ideal supervisors for your work.

So it's been mostly me, my boyfriend, and one other friend editing my statement of intent and I'm getting to the point where I feel like I might not be able to take reading it anymore. If anyone would like to do a swap, I'll read your statement of intent and comment if you'll read mine. Just send me a pm if you're interested. Thanks!

I am the exact same way. I'm not sure about others' experiences but I would feel very uncomfortable doing otherwise. I always wait until I'm told to use the first name before doing so unless I'm introduced to them by first name. And even then...in email form I revert to last name. I definitely feel like it comes across as more respectful. I had a professor ask if I was planning to apply to any other schools. Haha. He further clarified that he didn't mean to imply anything but that it's just good advice for PhD candidates in general. Even though my mind should have been at rest, it took me a few days to really get over that. I think all of us probably have a tendency right now to blow small things way out of the water. I doubt s/he meant anything by it, or if it was it was just in the heart of constructive advice.

SO true. Anyways, I would suggest contacting the admissions department and asking directly about how strict the page limit is. So far, I've found two universities already that don't mind if you're five or fewer pages over the limit. (Of course, if UPenn really says in bold not to go over, I wouldn't suggest asking...)