Critique for my SOP?

[lenalenabobena]

Honestly, I need all the help I can get because I have no idea how to go about writing a statement of purpose... but here is my first attempt! Please, tear it to shreds :]

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During my senior year of high school, while in my Advanced Placement Literature class, my professor asserted that anything could be fiction, but only original works of great minds could be literature. Absorbing his words, I found myself praising the ingenuity of Shakespeare and Chopin while scorning the escapist words of Rowling and King. It was not until my junior year at NAME OF UNIVERSITY that Professor BLAH succeeded in changing my views of literature during a seminar entitled INSERT NAME HERE by deconstructing the word "text.” She argued that the dictionary definition of “text” was restricting to media such as artwork or even tattoos, and thus the class sought out to re-define the meaning of “text.” In a Saussurian fashion, the course culminated in the realization that a valid common definition could not be coined because semantics varied with the individual. I was immediately enchanted by the idea that definitions were superficial and therefore value was attributed based off personal bias. Professor BLAH's course coerced me to think about literature in a progressively different way; I began to ponder the oversight of my previous expectations, with which I, until then, had viewed literature. I realized that my definition of “literature” was as vague as the dictionary definition of “text,” since I associated the word with connotations of merit and originality.

Seeking ways to distance myself from this superficial view of writing, I began to examine other fields in relation to literature, including history, language, and film. This fusion of subjects ultimately led to my current work on my honors thesis, "INSERT NAME HERE." The thesis poses a comparison between J.R.R. Tolkien’s novel series and Peter Jackson’s film trilogy in regards to characterization, language usage, and thematic elements in order to show that through the film adaptation process a new entity is created that must be judged on its own rather than as a translation of an original whole. Through this project, I hope to gain a better understanding of thematic, linguistic, and cultural literary theories as well as the interactions of literature with other media.

As an undergraduate, my studies have concentrated mostly on feminist criticism, medieval literature, and the works of J.R.R. Tolkien. Through a doctoral program, I plan to further explore the areas most interesting to me as an undergraduate by integrating the literary analysis of twentieth century British literature and medieval romance literature with the study of linguistics and critical theory. I also seek to strengthen my knowledge of the French language and to learn Old and Middle English, which will allow me to better analyze and understand the themes and linguistics of medieval literature. As a hopeful scholar of Tolkien and medieval literature, I am drawn to the NAME OF UNIVERSITY English Department’s Old and Middle English program. I believe the NAME OF UNIVERSITY English Department’s masters program would allow me thrive academically since my interest in medieval literature complements that of the department, primarily the research interests of Professor BLANK and Professor NAME as my interests include the poetry of Chaucer as well as manuscript studies. After receiving a doctoral degree, I would like to devote myself as a researcher and professor at the college level in an English Literature department. The NAME OF UNIVERSITY’s Graduate Teaching Associates program can uniquely help me towards my goal of becoming a professor by providing interactive experience combined with unparalleled academics.

[liszt85]

Nothing helpful here from me.. I thought you were talking about "the" Chopin and then realized it was Kate Chopin you were talking about.

[lenalenabobena]

didn't realize i posted this twice :/ whoops

[pip]

The high school reference in the first sentence really threw me off. My actual thought was, Is s/he posting in the right forum?

How about, "An influential teacher once told me that..."

[lenalenabobena]

The high school reference in the first sentence really threw me off. My actual thought was, Is s/he posting in the right forum?

How about, "An influential teacher once told me that..."

Good point and good idea :]

[Tam]

To me, you sound really unserious. The combination of medieval + Tolkien makes it sound like you're more of a ren faire person than a scholar. I think saying, "Through a doctoral program, I plan to further explore the areas most interesting to me as an undergraduate," is a mistake. Just say what you want to do/study instead.

This whole thing sounds very me-me-me to me. I'm not getting a sense what you would have to offer the department.

What I learned from your SOP:

1. You love all things medieval, and include Tolkien in that category.

2. You think adaptations of literature should be judged/analyzed separately from the works they adapt.

3. You haven't finished your honors thesis; I'm not sure you even have a really good start on it, since you only "hope" to gain a better understanding.

4. You don't know any languages (French, Old/Middle English) very well that might help you.

5. You really don't know what you want to do in grad school. Maybe something about Chaucer. Learn some languages. Manuscript studies.

I'm also not sure what "interactive experience" means in your last paragraph. Is this something special the university in question offers, or are you just talking about interacting with professors/others in your field?

I'm in math, not English, so discount appropriately. But I think instead of a muddled tour of your way of thinking about popular cultural entertainments, it would be better to present a mature research goal or interest and back it up with the skills and knowledge you have that will allow you to pursue it.

This came out really mean, and I don't actually intend to be so harsh, but I think you should totally rewrite this.

[Ziz]

I would just add that the following is confusing:

"I believe the NAME OF UNIVERSITY English Department’s masters program would allow me thrive academically since my interest in medieval literature complements that of the department, primarily the research interests of Professor BLANK and Professor NAME as my interests include the poetry of Chaucer as well as manuscript studies. After receiving a doctoral degree, I would like to devote myself as a researcher and professor at the college level in an English Literature department."

It seems from the first sentence that you are applying for a masters degree. Yet, you then say what you will do with the doctorate. I think you need to explain why you are applying for a masters and what you think you will get out of it tat will prepare you for doctoral studies. Or, at least say "at the end of the masters I plan to apply for a doctorate".

[Pamphilia]

Basic SOP content questions/issues:

1. Have you done any work with Tolkien's literary criticism? I feel that could be extremely relevant to your studies as well as your SOP.

2. What foreign languages do you have under your belt already? As I understand it, medievalists have to come in to grad programs with a LOT of language skills (one of the reasons I focused on early modern in my own applications rather than my interests in medieval lit: I only have French and a little bit of Latin). If you already have relevant foreign language skills, do emphasize them in the SOP. Also, I hate to say it but I feel like an admissions committee may question your readiness for graduate study in medieval literature if you are not already very well versed in Middle English.

Edited December 8, 2009 by Pamphilia

[mudlark]

I'm sure that you are a bright and capable person. That being said, if the only contact I ever had with you was this SOP, I would think that you are absolutely not ready for grad school. I'm sure that you can do much better, and I don't mean that you *actually* aren't ready for grad school, just that in this case you come across as very unprepared.

First off:

During my senior year of high school, while in my Advanced Placement Literature class, my professor asserted that anything could be fiction, but only original works of great minds could be literature. Absorbing his words, I found myself praising the ingenuity of Shakespeare and Chopin while scorning the escapist words of Rowling and King.

Do not, do not, do NOT use this anecdote. High school should be irrelevant at your stage of the game, and a story about a bad teacher you had when you were 18 doesn't tell adcoms anything about who you are as a scholar now.

It was not until my junior year at NAME OF UNIVERSITY that Professor BLAH succeeded in changing my views of literature during a seminar entitled INSERT NAME HERE by deconstructing the word "text.” She argued that the dictionary definition of “text” was restricting to media such as artwork or even tattoos, and thus the class sought out to re-define the meaning of “text.” In a Saussurian fashion, the course culminated in the realization that a valid common definition could not be coined because semantics varied with the individual.

Deconstructing the word 'text' sounds like a cool undergrad discussion to have, but it really is terribly cliched. Deconstruction has been done to death. Also, deconstruction is a serious challenge to structuralism, which is what Saussure inaugurated. You can't deconstruct anything in a Saussurean fashion. (And 'in a Sassurian fashion' is both a typo and a dangling modifier.) Besides, Saussure has been dead and gone for decades upon decades. His insight that signifiers are arbitrary will be incredibly old news to every professor on the adcom. The fact that signifiers are arbitrary absolutely does not mean that "a valid common definition cannot be coined". Saussure believed that communities determine meaning. He believed that meaning changes with use, but believed in meaning. This section says incorrect things about largely irrelevant ideas. Best case scenario, you run the risk of boring them with this section. Worst case scenario, you run the risk of looking out of date and ill-informed.

I was immediately enchanted by the idea that definitions were superficial and therefore value was attributed based off personal bias.

English scholars might not like hearing language referred to as 'superficial'.

Professor BLAH's course coerced me to think about literature in a progressively different way; I began to ponder the oversight of my previous expectations, with which I, until then, had viewed literature.

'Coerced' and 'oversight' are both mis-used here, and you the referent of 'which' is unclear--I know it refers to the expectations, but it sounds like it refers to the oversight.

I realized that my definition of “literature” was as vague as the dictionary definition of “text,” since I associated the word with connotations of merit and originality.

Again, not an interesting idea. This has been discussed ad infinitum decades ago.

Seeking ways to distance myself from this superficial view of writing, I began to examine other fields in relation to literature, including history, language, and film. This fusion of subjects ultimately led to my current work on my honors thesis, "INSERT NAME HERE." The thesis poses a comparison between J.R.R. Tolkien’s novel series and Peter Jackson’s film trilogy in regards to characterization, language usage, and thematic elements in order to show that through the film adaptation process a new entity is created that must be judged on its own rather than as a translation of an original whole. Through this project, I hope to gain a better understanding of thematic, linguistic, and cultural literary theories as well as the interactions of literature with other media.

Frankly, this all makes you sound uncommitted, and like you've sacrificed depth for the sake of breadth. I get the sense that you've studied a lot of different things, but there's no coherent thread through them. Your thesis topic is one that gets chosen a lot by people who are dabblers and want to do a little kids lit, a little medieval, a little film, a little 20th C... you need to really work to show that you're doing something rigorous and inventive with this topic, since at first glance it looks... well... fluffy.

Giving a more detailed version of your argument would help. The insight that the film is different than the book is obvious. How is it different? To what end? What have key critics said about the process of adaptation, and how are you building on them or challenging them? Your account of your thesis is very vague right now. If you only have a vague concept about where it's going right now, then maybe this is not the time to apply for grad school.

As an undergraduate, my studies have concentrated mostly on feminist criticism, medieval literature, and the works of J.R.R. Tolkien. Through a doctoral program, I plan to further explore the areas most interesting to me as an undergraduate by integrating the literary analysis of twentieth century British literature and medieval romance literature with the study of linguistics and critical theory.

Doing graduate level research should be primarily about contributing to an ongoing critical discussion. Following your own interests is part of that, of course, but it shouldn't be the only reason you want to go. Saying that you want to explore your interests won't convince anyone to fund your studies. It sounds solipsistic.

Your topic is way too broad here. Twentieth century British literature? Which? What decade? Pre-war? Post-war? What genre? Critical theory is also a huge, huge field with a complex history and about a kazillion schools of thought. You need focus--this could cover anything from a post-structuralist Marxist reading of P.G. Wodehouse to a formalist linguistic project on... I dunno. One of the other bazillion British authors from the 20th C.

I also seek to strengthen my knowledge of the French language and to learn Old and Middle English, which will allow me to better analyze and understand the themes and linguistics of medieval literature. As a hopeful scholar of Tolkien and medieval literature, I am drawn to the NAME OF UNIVERSITY English Department’s Old and Middle English program.

If you're applying for an Old and Middle English program, you need to mention which old and middle English authors and texts you want to work with. The fact that Tolkien picks up on some old tropes does not change the fact that your undergrad thesis is about a 20th C adaptation of a 20th C book. You need to prove that you can work with medieval texts.

I believe the NAME OF UNIVERSITY English Department’s masters program would allow me thrive academically since my interest in medieval literature complements that of the department, primarily the research interests of Professor BLANK and Professor NAME as my interests include the poetry of Chaucer as well as manuscript studies. After receiving a doctoral degree, I would like to devote myself as a researcher and professor at the college level in an English Literature department. The NAME OF UNIVERSITY’s Graduate Teaching Associates program can uniquely help me towards my goal of becoming a professor by providing interactive experience combined with unparalleled academics.

Graduate TA programs are not unique, and I'm sure that there are other schools with similar academics. This sounds over the top.

You need to get in contact with any professors who support you, like your letter writers, and talk to them about grad school. Tell them why you want to go, and what you want to work on, and explicitly ask them if they think your proposed topic is feasible. Ask for suggestions about how to focus your ideas. Then get to the library, and do a preliminary lit review of the key elements of your proposal. Read what academics are writing NOW, as in during the past 5-10 years, on your areas of interest. Find a niche that hasn't been covered yet, and make it your own. I think these two steps of prep work are absolutely necessary if you're going to get this in shape.

This is probably the harshest critique I've written on this site. I hope that it doesn't come across as mean-spirited, and that it helps somewhat. I'd just hate to tell you polite half-compliments when I really do think that you need to put a lot more work into this. I sincerely wish you good luck in forming your goals.

[JennyFieldsOriginal]

do you have a professor you could show this to?

i firmly believe everyone has a great SOP in them, but this just isn't it for you. my first attempt was soporific, like BONE DRY. it's improved massively and i think yours can too.

i think you need to latch on to something you can contribute to a scholarly community. the things you're listing, as others have pointed out, have been done and done.

that's why i asked if you had a professor who might help you. when i got a little stuck my teachers instructed me to play up particular parts of my interests, helped me with the all important question of tone, etc.

good luck and don't be discouraged! you'll have something great by the end of this process.

[coyabean]

Nothing helpful here from me.. I thought you were talking about "the" Chopin and then realized it was Kate Chopin you were talking about.

Ha! I did the same thing.

[Ferrero]

I think that it would be wise to refrain from referring to an influential professor as, "Professor BLAH". Though you may not have enjoyed his/her courses, this imparts a tone of condescision to him/her and, I might add, academia generally.

[modernity]

I think that it would be wise to refrain from referring to an influential professor as, "Professor BLAH". Though you may not have enjoyed his/her courses, this imparts a tone of condescision to him/her and, I might add, academia generally.

You are making a funny, yes?

[mudlark]

I think that it would be wise to refrain from referring to an influential professor as, "Professor BLAH". Though you may not have enjoyed his/her courses, this imparts a tone of condescision to him/her and, I might add, academia generally.

On the off chance that you're not making a joke... you do get that she just put 'blah' in there temporarily to avoid giving away the name of her actual professor, correct? and that she'll replace it with the real name when she submits?

[coyabean]

I think that it would be wise to refrain from referring to an influential professor as, "Professor BLAH". Though you may not have enjoyed his/her courses, this imparts a tone of condescision to him/her and, I might add, academia generally.

LOL. I refuse to ask if you are joking. I feel better about being alive if I just assume that you are.