Is this ending too much of a cliché?

[a fragrant plant]

I'm pretty sure that there is a post on the forum titled "How do you end your SOP"? I used the search function to search for it to no avail. Please pardon me to initiate a new post on the same topic.

So how do you end your SOP? I have two versions and I don't know which one is better. How to write a powerful ending without sounding too much of a cliché?

version 1: The opportunities to _____ make YOUR UNIVERSITY'S Anthropology Program an extremely attractive place to launch my academic career.

version 2: The opportunities to _____ make YOUR UNIVERSITY'S Anthropology Program an extremely attractive place to launch my academic career. I am confident that my childlike curiosity and professional dedication to anthropology will be an asset to your department.

Edited December 9, 2009 by peanuttheanthro

[Ziz]

I think the second is a bit too cliche.

[a fragrant plant]

I think the second is a bit too cliche.

I know, sounds like a cover letter isn't it?

[rising_star]

The first one is better than the second, imo, but I'm not a huge fan of either option.

[coyabean]

The first one is better than the second, imo, but I'm not a huge fan of either option.

This.

"childlike curiousity" is a huge no to me. Just a simple I am excited about/positive I can contribute to XYZ's department mission while fulfilling my commitment to my own research. or something.

[a fragrant plant]

This.

"childlike curiousity" is a huge no to me. Just a simple I am excited about/positive I can contribute to XYZ's department mission while fulfilling my commitment to my own research. or something.

Thanks! I've changed it!

[peppermint.beatnik]

The first one is better than the second, imo, but I'm not a huge fan of either option.

I agree. The first is better but I don't like the "launch my career" part.

[Liesje]

I agree. The first is better but I don't like the "launch my career" part.

Seconded - you don't want to depict the program as a launching pad that you will leave far below and look down on from the sky.

I will worship anyone who goes with a metaphor in this vein: "Your Program will incubate my scholarship as if a uterus from which I would not and could not ever sever the umbilical cord"

can't figure out how to word it right, anyway someone needs to fuck with all the cheesy embryonic metaphors

[JerryLandis]

Yeah, the second one doesn't really add anything necessary. I mean, you should be demonstrating your natural enthusiasm and curiosity through what you discuss in the SOP, not just stating that you are enthusiastic and curious. Think about your word allotment, and whether you really want to use up precious words on an unnecessary ending. I can't remember off the top of my head, but I think I said something vaguely like this: 'The wide range of interests represented by the department faculty, the presence of individual professors who share my interests [wouldn't use "interests" twice in a real SOP], and the teaching opportunities provided by UNIVERSITY X make it the ideal place for me to pursue graduate studies.' Not sure how much better that is, but I think it succeeds at summing things up.

Of course, if you want to use a somewhat cliche comment, by all means, this is your personal statement. I have kept some things in my personal statement that other people told me I should definitely remove. But I think that if you're unsure whether something is to cliche or is not really all that necessary, you're probably better off just removing it altogether.

[alexis]

I agree with removing the "childlike" part, which you've already done. But otherwise, I don't see a problem with your ending; I also kind of like the two part aspect of your second statement, if you could reword it, I think it would be good. You could talk about how your interests/experiences and commitment to research in anthropology would make you an asset to the program, or something along those lines.

One of my friends currently getting her PhD in Neuroscience told me the SOP is basically telling them "how you want to go to their school so badly that your life depends on it." That would be great if someone wrote that. "If you don't accept me to your Oh Holy Awesomeness program, my life will be ruined!!"