Should I even bother?

[underscore_frosty]

Noob here so please go easy on me.

I just finished my senior year and will going on to my "super senior" year, i.e. 5th year of study (more on that later). This past Fall I prematurely (and perhaps foolishly) applied to 4 PhD programs in computer science and was denied admission at all of them for obvious reasons. In particular I applied at Virginia Tech, UC Davis, Washington State University, and George Mason. I picked these 4 schools after shopping around a bit because I knew my GRE scores were not that good at all (314 overall, 160V, 154Q) and my grades weren't that good either (at the time I was applying and before SHTF I had a 3.56 cumulative GPA and a 3.60 major GPA), but I still wanted to be at a relatively good school. So I started the process, but about midway through the poo hit the proverbial fan, my grades tanked, and I was left with a severely sub-par quarter on my transcript (which I am working on partially rectifying by retaking courses). I now have a 3.38 cumulative and 3.57 in major. Right now I'm enrolled in a summer class, the last one I can retake, and my next academic year is full of upper division mathematics and CS classes (taking these purely to fill out my academic year because if I didn't I would only have 3 CS classes left to complete, each offered in different quarters, because I "technically" failed the prereqs for those courses). I also plan on studying my butt off for the GRE to bring that score up (planning on taking it in August or early September), especially the quantitative score. Also of note is that this summer I'm independently working on some projects in my areas of research interest, algorithms/theory to be specific and more specifically sorting and hashing algorithms and plan on putting some write ups on arXiv.

As for the SHTF ordeal, what happened was actually downward trend and Fall quarter of this year was rock bottom. In Winter 2015 I began to have multiple mental health issues which began a downward, uncontrollable spiral in my grades. Somehow though I was able to get an REU, complete it, and present the results at the 2015 NSF/CUR REU Symposium in Arlington, VA. Like I said, Fall quarter of this year was rock bottom in terms of grades and mental health, severe depression (along with my 3 other mental illnesses), extreme suicidal ideation, and eventually a psychiatric hospitalization because of my mental health issues. I've since been getting better and my grades have significantly improved and are steadying out to the A's and B's I'm used to.

My main question is, of course, should I even bother at this point? I feel like the 3 quarter downward trend, psychiatric hospitalization, mental health issues, and lack of research experience (to date I've only done the REU and some independent research) have caused irreparable damage to my academic profile which will damper or all together halt my ambitions of going to grad school. I know computer science is competitive and my stats, in my opinion, are not even close to being on par. If I do plan on going forward I plan on applying to at least 5 of the following:

• Virginia Tech
• Washington State University
• UC Davis
• University of Idaho
• Boise State University
• ASU
• Indiana University
• University of Colorado
• UNC Charlotte
• University of Rochester

[Apogeee]

I hope you are completely recovered. Graduate school is a high pressure situation. You have to decide when you are strong enough after your health problems. I hope that you are working with the counseling services personnel at your school, who can point you to resources to help you navigate this part of your academic career.

Have you talked over your application list with your advisor? What's the input from that person? Don't try to do this alone. It's not necessary and they will want to help you. How strong is your personal statement? 

Would a year of postbacc put you in a stronger position?

Applying to graduate school is a numbers game: talk to your advisor and identify 10 schools to which you should apply based on your strengths and proclivities.

I never understand why people with good GPAs call them bad. Everyone doesn't have a 4.0 GPA. Someone is pulling your leg if you think that's the way it is. Same for GRE scores. 

What do you seek to do with your degree after you get there? What would you do if you decide not to seek further education opportunities at this time?

But to your initial question, yes, you are worth it. Apply, if that is how to achieve your goals. You have not caused irreparable damage. 

[underscore_frosty]

Thank you for the encouragement!

Anyways, to answer your questions, I did talk to my (former) academic advisor (I strategically redeclared under a different catalog year which caused me to be assigned a new advisor, but I can change my advisor whenever) about my previous application list and came to a consensus on the 4 original schools I applied at. Their input was that even though I had relatively good stats, my chances of getting into a really good school were pretty slim. Slim not necessarily because of my academic profile (at the time), but simply because the university I'm coming from simply doesn't have the prestige that other universities do (not to say that my university is bad or that the CS program is bad, just that the university itself is not well known in the academic world). They also mentioned that because the CS program at my school is geared more towards software engineering than pure CS, that puts somewhat of a damper on my profile as my education in the field did not incorporate particularly great amounts of theory/research. So their suggestion was to look at schools with good engineering and CS programs that have mid-range acceptance stats for CS, which I did, and then send them a list of schools that we would go over.

Anyways, regarding my personal statement, now that I look back it was pretty weak. I was too personal and too generic when it came to the 'why this school/program, why pursue graduate education, what are your research interests, who would you like to work with, etc.' portions of the statement. So I'm definitely going to work on that, a lot.

A year of postbacc professional experience would be helpful, but the jobs in my neck of the woods are limited and highly competitive. Typically, the jobs in my geographic area go to those who have the most connections, and I have very few industry connections. Sure, I could definitely look elsewhere, but I'm not too keen on moving somewhere unless I'm going to be there semi-permanently (as in 2 years or longer). I would hate to get a job and then a year later quit to attend grad school (though I know some companies will at least partially pay for graduate school, or at the very least encourage attending). Not to mention, but once I look outside my area at larger, more well known companies I will also be competing against more people and likely competing against people that are better qualified for the position than I am.

Of note though, at one point I had offers from IBM (security analyst position), Google (IT resident position), and a local company (scientific/mathematical software engineering) on the table, but I had to give those up for the aforementioned reasons.

What I hope to do with my degree is, well, research. Since beginning college I've desired to be a researcher, to answer questions in computer science and better understand exactly how computers/computation works. If you really want to boil it down, I basically want to be a professional thinker/philosopher specializing in the field of computation. Secondary to this main goal is that I also desire to teach. Teaching has always been something I've been drawn to and am good at (I tutor computer science in addition to working in IT, and tutoring is definitely a rewarding, but challenging experience). At what level I teach, elementary, high school, college, online tutorials, etc. doesn't really matter to me, I just want to teach and spread knowledge of computer science. However, if I did get to teach I would probably teach at the high school level. I think in an ever increasing technological world that it is in the students' best interest to have some familiarity with how technology works, i.e. some basic understanding of programming and the underlying concepts driving this technologically integrated world.

If I decide not to pursue graduate education, that is actually one of my fall back plans. I would come back to my alma mater and get either a teaching endorsement or MEd at the secondary level and pursue a career in middle/high school education in computer science.

Regarding the GPA and GRE thing, in my case it is sort of personal. I'm not necessarily a perfectionist, but after my mediocre performance in high school I feel like I owe it to myself to do well in college. It also has to do with looking at others' academic profiles and admission stats for school and seeing how I stack up. Being in the middle isn't bad, but it isn't that good either. Not to mention, but in my personal experience a lot of sites (aside from this one, though I'm new here) say you at need least an x GPA and a y GRE score to be competitive when applying to grad schools.

[Apogeee]

On 6/23/2016 at 2:08 PM, underscore_frosty said:

Not to mention, but in my personal experience a lot of sites (aside from this one, though I'm new here) say you at need least an x GPA and a y GRE score to be competitive when applying to grad schools.

From everyone I know who has applied to grad schools in the last 10 years, it's not always fair. Sometimes the most brilliant people with the greatest portfolio don't get in, or they barely squeak in. And then someone else who has a kind of mediocre seeming portfolio has 8 acceptances. Now factor in "impostor syndrome" and the whole process is toxic! It's really a numbers game: the more schools you apply to, the better your chances of getting in. And yes, of course a strong portfolio is desirable. That personal statement is something that is entirely within your control.