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Normal to feel clueless?


throwaway19

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I'll be starting my phd in one of the social sciences this fall, straight from undergrad. I've changed my mind about what I want to study numerous times this past year and as August gets closer and closer, I can't help but feel endlessly confused about what I'll end up studying. It seems like everything I'm interested in has been done before, and I don't know how to find my niche. I'm afraid that once school starts, I won't have time to read literature that I'm interested in and as a result, won't be able to find a topic. Is this normal or am I setting myself up for failure? :(

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Yeah, this is normal. Many of the students in my program ended up doing something at least somewhat different in school than they pitched in their SOPs. I know I did. It takes time to build enough familiarity with the literature to figure out what has been done and what are (interesting, feasible) open questions. Of course you don't know that now; you can expect it to take time to figure it out. Your professors and courses will help some, and there will be some process of trial and error that's also normal, but eventually you'll realize that there are recurring themes in your final papers and in what you enjoy reading, the talks you feel you learned from the most, etc. It may (and in my experience, often does) come after a long period of uncertainty, there's a lot of that in the PhD. I think it's important to be aware of that and embrace it, because otherwise it can be very intimidating and discouraging. Especially the following thought, which you should get out of your head right now: "everybody else is so sure of themselves/knows what they're doing/has their shit together, and only I don't." Nope. Everyone's been confused at some point, maybe even right now. 

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I think it's definitely normal. When I talked to my faculty advisor she told me I would probably end up researching a topic different than the one I proposed in my SOP. She said herself that she did not expect to be researching the topic she is currently writing a book on. She also told me not to rush into things, but to give myself time to find my research focus. Your knowledge and expertise will accumulate over time as you read more and more literature and research and get a feel for what kinds of questions out there are left unanswered. So don't feel pressured, just study what you enjoy and I think the topic will find you.

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I think it's normal to a point. You should have a stable general area of interest; for example, I'd think it weird if a student who'd applied to do research into HIV and drug abuse research suddenly decided she was interested in obesity or cancer or Parkinson's disease (and there was no common thread or relationship between the new area and the old area). But if you were interested in representations of women in 18th century African American literature, and then changed your mind to being interested in gender performativity in 18th century African American literature or African influence in 18th century African American literature or even representations of women in 20th century African American literature, that's not surprising. It's about the scope and magnitude of change. Your interests will grow and morph over time, and you will add new interest areas to your wheelhouse.

But of course you will have time to read literature you're interested in - in fact, you should.

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9 hours ago, juilletmercredi said:

 for example, I'd think it weird if a student who'd applied to do research into HIV and drug abuse research suddenly decided she was interested in obesity or cancer or Parkinson's disease

Hehe, funny you should say that because that's almost exactly what ended up happening to me. I went from HIV and infectious disease to mitochondrial disorders and heart disease. It wasn't on purpose, it kind of just happened and I absolutely love the research I'm doing. I do want to go back to infectious disease for my post-doc though, and my research is rooted in cell biology so I can carry the skills I learned over.

Point being, it's okay to change your mind.

Edited by kimmibeans
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