wrote my first issue essay, it did not go well

[blu_skyee]

Hi, I wrote my first issue essay as a practice for the GRE and it didn't go very well. I would appreciate if anyone could give some tips and critiques on the essay itself.

------------

As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

The ability of humans to think for themselves will not deteriorate as people rely more and more on the use of technology because it can aide us in extending our knowledge and, as history has shown, we will develop a more advanced way of thinking if we have the advanced technology to fulfill minial tasks.

-----------

Believing that humans' ablity to think for themselves will deteriorate for relying on technology is an inaccurate cause and effect assumption. If we, as a society, develop the technology then we will always be above it intellectually. The increasing amount of technology is a reflection of our growth as a race. We are able to use technology to support the knowledge we already have and to extend that knowlege.

Relying on technology will not hinder people's abbility to think for themselves. Instead, I believe that relying on technology will naturally push people to think of increasingly difficult problems to solve as a society. Historically, we have already seen this happen. For example, when early neuroscientists and psychologists were attempting to study the brain without the proper technology they developed faulty theories of brain functionality such as the idea of phrenology. In time, with the development of sophisticated machinery to study the brain scientists have been able to ask and answer more questions about the brain then they had ever been able to do before this technology existed. Rather then deteriorating humans' ability to think for themselves, relying on technology has actually helped us to push the envelope and continue to develop new ways of answering questions. However, it is important to consider that the increasing use of technology to solve problems may hinder our understanding of simpler problems. For example, if you use a calculator for all your math problems, you will not be able to fully understand the mathematical concept.

In conclusion, Humans' ability to think for themselves will not deteriorate as people rely more on technology. It will actually extend our knowledge and push us to think of more sophisticated problems to solve.

[DogsArePeopleToo]

I just received my GRE scores and got a 5 on the writing section. That's decent, but I'm on expert writer. With that caveat, here are a few thoughts about what is frankly a pretty good first attempt. You'll probably have to write a few more essays under timed conditions to get a feel for the time and how much to budget for outlining, writing and editing.

• In certain sections of your essay, you seem to use "knowledge" as a synonym for "thinking" without explaining why the two might be interchangeable. While it's conceivable that the two could be use interchangeably, doing so without some explanation probably takes you off-focus.
• In the same vein of defining your terms, it might help to establish how you interpret "people" - do you mean neuroscientists studying brain function, regular people using calculators, or both? This level of nuance, while not always necessary, can distinguish a 4 essay from a 6.
• A couple of more well-developed and relevant examples would be helpful, possibly in the section about knowledge.
• Your essay doesn't have to take one side or the other. It helps to show that you can engage with the gray areas in the prompt. By addressing exceptions and acknowledging that the lines are sometimes blurry, you demonstrate that you are responding to the part of the prompt that says "discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree." You make a valiant attempt to do to so in your example of the calculator, which could be developed just a bit more, particularly explaining how this exception doesn't downgrade your thesis.
• You could further develop your "cause and effect assumption" idea by elaborating "ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position."

As I said earlier, this is a pretty good first attempt. I've used some of these ideas in my own test prep, so I hope this comments are helpful.

[blu_skyee]

Hey,  Thanks! I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. I actually wrote this under test conditions and it was nerve wrecking. I spent so much time freaking out about time it's ridiculous. I did think that bringing a concession point (the calculator example) would help address the gray areas as you said, but I couldn't think of how to bring it around.

[DogsArePeopleToo]

I know timed conditions are hard. I was very nervous myself. The nerves probably don't go away completely, but they do calm down a bit once one does a few of these and gets a feel for the time. Good luck!