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blu_skyee

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  1. Hi! I just wrote this under real testing conditions. Please provide me with some feedback if you can, and don't be afraid to be harsh if necessary. I really need all the help I can get! Thanks The following appeared in a health magazine. "The citizens of Forsythe have adopted more healthful lifestyles. Their responses to a recent survey show that in their eating habits they conform more closely to government nutritional recommendations than they did ten years ago. Furthermore, there has been a fourfold increase in sales of food products containing kiran, a substance that a scientific study has shown reduces cholesterol. This trend is also evident in reduced sales of sulia, a food that few of the most healthy citizens regularly eat." Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument. Being aware of how reliable sources are is very important when it comes to believing everything you read. Learning to question everything is a quality that is most important to have in order to not believe fraught information. The argument that the citizen have adopted healthier lifestyles is flawed because it makes assumptions that are not supported by the evidence provided in the article. One of the main flaws of this article comes from the comparison of two populations. The article begins by stating that the citizens have adopted healthier lifestyles, but there is no mention of what their lifestyles were like before. It is mentioned that 10 years ago, the citizens did not conform to the government’s nutritional recommendations as well as they do now. The fallacy here is that two populations are being compared as if they were a cohort group. The people that lived in Forsythe 10 years ago are not necessarily the same people that live there now. Also, the government’s nutritional recommendations 10 years ago may not have been as good or as well-known as they are today. This argument also relies on survey information which may be misleading and biased. In order to make this argument more valid the magazine would need to specify the role of the government on nutrition 10 years ago and make sure that the surveys come from a representative sample of people. Another flaw of this argument is that it relies too heavily on sales of foods. It is mentioned that the sales of food have increased by four. It is tempting to believe that because the food contains Kiran the people are eating healthier, but there could be something else at play. The mass quantities of healthy food that are being bought today compared to 10 years ago may be due to an increase in population. This is something the article needs to account for to make the argument more valid. Also, there is also the possibility that more of the foods available in Forsythe today contain Kiran compared to 10 years ago. It is also important to acknowledge that only one scientific study has shown that kiran reduces cholesterol. The magazine article should not promote how healthy kiran is before more studies are carried out. The same goes for the reduced sales of sulia in Forsythe. The argument would be more valid if the article included percentages of the foods available that contain sulia. It may be that the sales have decreased because the availability of the product has decreased. In conclusion, the argument that the citizens of Forsythe are living healthier lives today than 10 years ago is flawed because it doesn’t provide enough supportive evidence to have a valid argument. The magazine article relies on assumptions of different populations and food sales to make an argument that falls apart with minimal questioning.
  2. Hello! I've written an issue essay for awa portion. I would really appreciate it if I could get some feedback on it. I wrote this under real test conditions so please be harsh if necessary. Thanks in advance. A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college. Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position. All students deserve the same quality of education and to be provided with the tools to succeed in the future. I believe that a nation should require all of its students to study the same curriculum until they enter college because this measure allows every student to succeed on equal terms as well as guarantees that everyone has received the educational background necessary to make it in college. When all of the students in a nation are required to follow the same curriculum it levels the playing field for everyone. This measure guarantees that all students will have been exposed to the same material and thus ensures the students’ qualifications for admissions are well deserved. I believe that if all students have the same educational background it would be easier for universities to evaluate whether a student is ready for the rigor of their curriculum and accurately predicts their success in comparison to their peers. Being accepted into college is the most important goal for most high school students. Therefore, it is equally important to have the same opportunity to get in as any other student in the country when it comes to academics. It is also important to note that not all students are the same and treating them as such may be detrimental to their learning potential. This eminent downfall in the previously lauded system can be accounted for by promoting different teaching styles from all teachers to make sure that all students have the opportunity to excel. Also, promoting the same general curriculum does not take away the student’s opportunity to stand out from the crowd and follow their passions. They will still have electives to choose from and extra-curricular activities. In conclusion, a nation should definitely require the same curriculum until college because it exposes all students to the material necessary to succeed in the future. Although there are potential downfalls, I believe there are ways to account for them.
  3. Hi! this is my first attempt at writing the argument task for the gre. Please check it out and critique it if you can. Any advice is appreciated Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and therefore were believed to have been made only by the Palean people. Recently, however, archaeologists discovered such a "Palean" basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could have crossed it only by boat, and no Palean boats have been found. Thus it follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean. Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument. Before deriving conclusions, it is important to make sure that the supporting evidencing is strong enough to support the argument. The argument that the woven baskets found by archeologists could not have been solely Palean is flawed because it is not supported by the evidence and, it doesn’t acknowledge the limits of archeology. The first assumption is that the baskets were made by Palean people because the baskets were found in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea. This piece of information is not strong enough to support such a claim. If the archeologists were to add that there is no evidence of other people living anywhere near the area or that the Palean people did not interact with other groups then that argument becomes stronger. For all we know, the baskets weren’t made by the Paleans at all. The architects also found another basket in Lithos and assumed that the Paleans couldn’t have made it because boats haven’t been found. This assumption doesn’t acknowledge the limits or archeology. Just because something has not been found does not mean it didn’t exist. The Paleans could have had boats, or they could have swam across the river. There are any number of possibilities. For this to be a stronger argument the archeologists could provide evidence that the river was just as deep and broad then as it is now. For all we know they could have walked across the land that is now a river It is also important to take into consideration the possibility that the Palean people were not in fact the only ones to weave the baskets, and the Lithos people wove them as well. This is merely a possibility among many. The archeologists could make a stronger argument by saying that the baskets were found in other places aside from Palea and Lithos. In that same way, it could be that the baskets were a gift to the Paleans, or that the Paleans used them to trade. The important thing is, that whatever claim the archeologists make needs to be supported by the evidence. In Conclusion, there are many weak assumption in this argument that could be made stronger if there were more information. The argument provided above is not supported by the evidence that accompanies it. Saying that the baskets were not uniquely Palean is not an assumption to make with the weak supporting evidence provided.
  4. Thank you. I have actually been speaking on the phone pretty regularly with this admissions rep and she can see my application before I submit it. She has been super helpful in guiding me through the application process and continues to encourage me saying that I would be a good fit and other things like that. By now, she knows me pretty well and my credentials, she has even read my personal statement. I was just wondering how sincere that was because my GPA is not competitive, all in all I would say I'm pretty average. I also attended the open house where one of the professors said that out of all the applications they receive there are a ton that are not complete. When I asked the admissions rep about it she said that they are honest with their potential candidate about their chances and proceeded to tell me that she wouldn't want me to waste time and money doing something if you don't have a good chance of getting in. I guess it sounds too good, so I started to become weary of their real intentions. The program I'm applying to is relatively new but it is at a very well-respected institution.
  5. Hey, I was wondering if graduate admissions rep benefit from getting a lot of people to apply. I have been speaking with a rep and she keeps telling that I have a good chance of getting in and such, but I honestly feel like I won't get in. I have asked her about it and she continues to reassure me. Is there any way that I might be misled into applying just to fill a quota or something like that. I know this sounds self-deprecating but it is grad school and I'm not really that competitive.
  6. Hi, I wrote my first essay for grad school admissions and I don't think it's very good. Please critique and help me out with some feedback. I don't really have anyone around to read it for me so any advice helps. Also, I just want to say that I pretty much wrote as much as I could in one session so this is very rough. I included the instructions they gave me as well. MSF Essays Your essay should be single-spaced using 12 point font. Essays may be up to two-pages. Please follow the instructions on length and label each page with your name. Personal Statement In your personal statement, you should consider addressing the following: Why you want to enroll in the Georgetown MSF Program? Why do you want to attend Georgetown University? Why should the Admissions Committee accept you? What are your career aspirations and expectations upon receiving your MSF degree? Personal Statement I do not remember much about my time in high school, even though it did not happen that long ago. There is one thing though that I will never forget. My guidance counselor asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and instead of saying “I don’t know” like most kids, 16-year-old me only said one word: Happy. And amongst all the adolescent angst and what I considered to be life or death problems, I had one thing straight that most adults have yet to figure out: being happy is the goal, not having a house or a car, but being truly content with yourself. I find it almost derisory how easy it was for me to lose track of what’s important in life in just a couple of years. I forgot to put myself first and to make the choices that were right for me and not for others around me. In my eagerness to please the people that I looked up to, I struggled through a major I disliked which resulted in less than favorable grades at the beginning of university. I finally woke up and changed my major from Chemistry to Psychology and things got better. Not long after, I was so involved in the department that I didn’t have time for myself. Now, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but as I was doing research and peer advising for multiple professors on top of having two demanding jobs I didn’t give myself the chance to breathe and think. I never considered these things weaknesses because I felt satisfied with my life. The problem was that it wasn’t until the academic year ended that I realized that where I was going professionally was merely the natural progression of events rather than what I wanted. At the beginning of the Summer, I was in a special place. I had just graduated from college and, like most people, I was terrified of what was ahead. My last year of college I worked harder than I had in a long time, but still I did not feel fulfilled with my accomplishments. I realized that something was missing. While everyone around me was so proud and excited for the future, I felt like I had gotten to a dead end. I had my diploma, but now what? I spent the next couple of months researching other career paths for myself and I was drawn to finance. There was an unmistakable interest in the subject that I could not ignore. I found myself reading articles and watching videos about finance and I always had more and more questions. A sort of thirst to know more and it was so strong that I began to explore graduate programs. I quickly realized that the Georgetown MSF Program was the best fit for me because I am the type of student the program is looking for. Although I have no academic background in Finance, I am driven by a genuine desire to learn the most difficult finance topics and apply them to the real world. I want to enroll in the Georgetown MSF Program because it is flexible without compromising the things that I value most in learning: student-teacher interaction and the possibility of having classroom discussions on the topics being presented. I tend to be an active participant in a classroom and I always ask questions and participate in the conversation. This program is appealing to me because the distance learning option doesn’t take away from the interpersonal aspect and it doesn’t hinder the possibility of establishing relationships with professors and other students. This is very important to me because, even though, if accepted, I am planning to relocate to Washington, D. C. there is the possibility that I may have a job or other responsibilities that would make it easier for me to stay here in Florida at the moment the program starts and I wouldn’t want to miss out on the opportunity to learn what you have to teach me merely because of distance. I’m also looking forward to participating in the residency programs. I think it’s really exciting to have the opportunity of working on a global consulting project with a real firm. This kind of experiences will prepare me for the career that I want. Just looking at the curriculum and all the challenging opportunities for growth make me feel confident in the quality of education that I would be getting. This plays a major role on why I want to go to Georgetown. I want to be a part of that community. The resources available to students are superb. Even as a prospective student, I have received tremendous support from the school and that shows me the degree of dedication to your students’ success. The fact that Georgetown is in an amazing location with lots of activities and career opportunities is also a major bonus. I aspire to work in Financial Services once I receive my MSF degree. By the time I graduate I will, hopefully, have 2-3 years of experience working in the field which will help me get a CFP certification and work as a Financial Advisor. Ideally, I would work for an established firm for a couple of years and once I have made a name for myself and built a client base I will open my own fee-only financial advising firm. I also think it’s important to give back to your community so I would like to establish an educational program for adolescents. I’ve always considered that young people don’t get enough exposure to basic personal finance principles so, in time, I would like to provide that service to my community.
  7. Hey, Thanks! I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. I actually wrote this under test conditions and it was nerve wrecking. I spent so much time freaking out about time it's ridiculous. I did think that bringing a concession point (the calculator example) would help address the gray areas as you said, but I couldn't think of how to bring it around.
  8. Hi, I wrote my first issue essay as a practice for the GRE and it didn't go very well. I would appreciate if anyone could give some tips and critiques on the essay itself. ------------ As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate. Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position. The ability of humans to think for themselves will not deteriorate as people rely more and more on the use of technology because it can aide us in extending our knowledge and, as history has shown, we will develop a more advanced way of thinking if we have the advanced technology to fulfill minial tasks. ----------- Believing that humans' ablity to think for themselves will deteriorate for relying on technology is an inaccurate cause and effect assumption. If we, as a society, develop the technology then we will always be above it intellectually. The increasing amount of technology is a reflection of our growth as a race. We are able to use technology to support the knowledge we already have and to extend that knowlege. Relying on technology will not hinder people's abbility to think for themselves. Instead, I believe that relying on technology will naturally push people to think of increasingly difficult problems to solve as a society. Historically, we have already seen this happen. For example, when early neuroscientists and psychologists were attempting to study the brain without the proper technology they developed faulty theories of brain functionality such as the idea of phrenology. In time, with the development of sophisticated machinery to study the brain scientists have been able to ask and answer more questions about the brain then they had ever been able to do before this technology existed. Rather then deteriorating humans' ability to think for themselves, relying on technology has actually helped us to push the envelope and continue to develop new ways of answering questions. However, it is important to consider that the increasing use of technology to solve problems may hinder our understanding of simpler problems. For example, if you use a calculator for all your math problems, you will not be able to fully understand the mathematical concept. In conclusion, Humans' ability to think for themselves will not deteriorate as people rely more on technology. It will actually extend our knowledge and push us to think of more sophisticated problems to solve.
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