Optimistic or Pessimistic?

[anxiousapplicant]

I am furiously coming up with backup plans, because I could only stay anxious for so long. I think I've crossed the bridge from optimism to pessimism, even though the soonest i could possibly hear good news is two weeks from now. The odds are slim. I've been lucky in the past, but THAT lucky? Like melusine said, one in one hundred lucky? Yeesh, I kinda have to say, I'm glad I've got other ideas.

Ironically, I was the one who pissed on the idea of backup plans awhile back. Now, I friggin love the idea. Which is not to say I won't apply again next year, having learned some lessons. It's just to say, I won't sit idle for a year, not improving my chances in any way.

Yep, same here.

[Smaudge]

I feel hopeful, but with a growing sinking feeling in my heart.

It doesn't help that I am surrounded by other academics (in completely different fields) who know little about me and who are blindly assuring me that I'll get in "somewhere". I do generally enjoy their encouragement. However, every time they finish their hopeful pep-talk I smile, say thanks, and then secretly know that they have no clue what they're talking about.

I also get the feeling that I have no clue what I'm talking about. Why would I think that my dinky undergrad degree and grasping-at-straws thesis would make me a decent applicant? Looking back, I feel like I never had anyone give me any straight talk about my chances (even my LORs were blithely optimistic for me. "Sure, go for the top programs.. why not?"). And now I don't know what to believe.

It also doesn't help that I have a husband going to a top 3 law school next year, and I don't want to disappoint him.. or force him to comfort me when he should be enjoying his transition back to school.

Blerg. On a good day I daydream about framing my acceptance letter and hanging it next to his. I'm torn between wanting this week to be over, and then wanting to prolong it just a teensy bit so that I have a chance to return to false optimism.

[tskinner]

By nature, I'm a very optimistic person...but, not here. I'm lucky to have a very supportive family. This has come in handy during many tough times in my life, but sometimes they go overboard. For example, everyone in my family keeps telling me to "not worry," because I'll "probably get into every program you applied to." I'm more realistic and have better understanding of the process to know this is impossible, and they're only setting me up for failure.

[piccgeek]

I am pretty much certain I'm not going to get in--certain enough to have signed a lease for next year where I am now instead of where I would be, and that I am composing my syllabus etc. for next semester's work. However, my situation is really different--I only applied to one program, and I'm currently smack dab in the middle of a funded MA, so...yeah. I was never expecting to get in through the whole process--my potential program is very small and exclusive. I felt like I had to TRY, but this whole process has been to soothe my "what ifs" than anything else. I would spend all next year wondering what would have happened if I had applied, and now that I've done all I can do for chasing this particular dream, I'm trying to focus on the track I'm currently in. And it's mostly working now, because I have hundreds and hundreds of pages of reading and freshman comp papers waiting for grading...keeping busy is good! Anyway, point is, I'm pessimistic--but unlike last round I don't feel like my whole life and self is on the line, so the pessimism isn't making me CRAZY like it did before.

[kobe36]

totally pessimistic. I am already preparing to reapply next year. I know that is not a good way to approach this whole process but with my stats, I am not hopeful at all. If I get accepted to any of the schools I applied to, I will be a happy camper. but I am expecting an across the board rejection. Sigh, oh wells, like they say "if you don't succeed, try again"

[gazelle]

The longer I wait, the less concerned I seem to be now that the process of preparing applications, which consumed my life for a few months, has been finished for close to two months now. Furthermore, the longer I wait, the more I come to terms with rejections from both of my schools; given that I'm living abroad and have a long-term girlfriend who wants to come back with me to study in Fall 2011 (my tentative plan is/has been to defer admission for a year, though I can't defer funding...), and all sorts of other things going on or things to think about, like the shelf-life of an unused engineering degree before it becomes worthless, how long I want/need to stay in this country to do the things I want/need to do, and what my potential options and tough decisions are should I get admitted with a large amount of funding (or admitted period), the more I realize that rejections from both schools will make my decisions at least a little bit easier.

On that note, I was planning on reapplying next year if I don't get in, but I know that one more year here just teaching English isn't going to make my application, so if I don't get in, it will be a few years at least before I reapply, if at all.

Sometimes I look at the things I want in life beyond my education/career and realize that going $60k-$100k+ in debt will all but exclude me from ever having those things; how easy it would be to get an engineering job with a $65k starting salary before my degree expires, a $200k condo, and a Z4/128i and call it a day, with no debt and a healthy retirement account. Or, I can plunge deep into debt that will last me the rest of my life, lose another two years of earning potential, ensure that my undergrad degree is indeed useless by being out of the field with no experience for too long, and only coming away with a job that pays $45k.

I know what it sounds like, but I want that acceptance as much as the rest of you. I think I'm just rethinking the idea of grad school altogether, as I'm turning 26 this month and still have nothing, whereas I have peers who are married (I'm not worried about that) who have been in their careers for 2-5 years already and have houses and everything going for them. Pretty soon I'll be 30, and the last thing I want is to be 40 and broke, with nothing going for myself at the age I finally realize, "This IS it."

[grad_wannabe]

Pessimistic. That way I won't be disappointed.

My thoughts exactly. Low expectations are the key to happiness. I'm trying to convince myself I don't have a shot in hell anywhere, so any acceptances will be a pleasant surprise.

[rogue]

However, I can't complain, since I have an acceptance from a school I love.

This. And yet, I'm antsy as all hell waiting to hear back from the others. I alternate between extreme optimism ("I'm getting into all my top choices! However will I choose?" and stressing out about choosing between programs I haven't been admitted to yet) and mild to moderate pessimism ("XYZ University sent out notifications and I didn't hear anything. Meh. Guess I know where I'm going."). The pessimism also comes with a heaping side order of relief, because I suck at making decisions.

[taiwanadian]

I was optimistic until the admissions started pouring in for one of the schools I applied to. Now I'm very pessimistic. Oh well.

Me too. I felt really confident about a month ago. Then I saw interview invites at one school I applied to, acceptances at 2.. and I still haven't heard anything.. I'm just preparing for across-the-board rejection now

[taiwanadian]

By nature, I'm a very optimistic person...but, not here. I'm lucky to have a very supportive family. This has come in handy during many tough times in my life, but sometimes they go overboard. For example, everyone in my family keeps telling me to "not worry," because I'll "probably get into every program you applied to." I'm more realistic and have better understanding of the process to know this is impossible, and they're only setting me up for failure.

That's what my friends keep saying :/ I just think they're deluded and I personally think I'll get rejected everywhere (pessimism is kicking in big time ).. My family on the other hand is not what I would call supportive. I think my grandparents might disown me if I get rejected everywhere

[mario]

.

Edited September 12, 2010 by mario

[RomulusAugustulus]

That just happened to me too. I was checking my status the other day and I vaguely remember them having a notice that the system was going to be unavailable due to scheduled maintenance. So I wouldn't worry about it.

[mario]

ah, I was hoping it was because of an admission result update...