The Anxiety is Real

[ra42890]

Really just need to vent here...

Went to the campus at University of Washington to meet with their Music Education faculty a little over a month ago. I felt I made a great impression. I helped one of the faculty with a presentation he was working on. He sent me a follow-up email about 4 days after and told me how helpful my contribution was to his presentation. Still have not heard anything back...

Had 2 phone interviews with the faculty at Teachers College in NYC. Both of those went really well. Connected with the department head there over our shared experiences being gay educators. Told me I would hear very soon. That was 3 weeks ago.

I have horrible anxiety as it is, but this is escalating it. It is starting to affect other areas of my life as well. I can't focus on my workouts, I can't focus on conversations I have with people, I can't focus on making music. It's the worst.

What strategies have you all used to help play this waiting game?

[istanbulnotconstantinople]

1 hour ago, ra42890 said:

Really just need to vent here...

Went to the campus at University of Washington to meet with their Music Education faculty a little over a month ago. I felt I made a great impression. I helped one of the faculty with a presentation he was working on. He sent me a follow-up email about 4 days after and told me how helpful my contribution was to his presentation. Still have not heard anything back...

Had 2 phone interviews with the faculty at Teachers College in NYC. Both of those went really well. Connected with the department head there over our shared experiences being gay educators. Told me I would hear very soon. That was 3 weeks ago.

I have horrible anxiety as it is, but this is escalating it. It is starting to affect other areas of my life as well. I can't focus on my workouts, I can't focus on conversations I have with people, I can't focus on making music. It's the worst.

What strategies have you all used to help play this waiting game?

I completely empathise with you on this. I keep trying to distract myself but honestly I feel I am only half present most of the time as my mind is worrying incessantly about what to do if I don't get in. I found that going to busy places helps a little as it means you can't drift away to easily (I live in a big city so that makes it easier) but mostly I think I manage about 10 minutes tops before frantically checking my email again.

[123abc]

I think what makes it worse is that it is completely out of our hands now and its out of our control. All we can do is sit and wait knowing that we put everything we can into the application and now we just... sit and wait.... and hit refresh or check these forums. 

 

Happy that there is a community here to share with. Good luck to you all.

[crnasia_002]

1 hour ago, istanbulnotconstantinople said:

I completely empathise with you on this. I keep trying to distract myself but honestly I feel I am only half present most of the time as my mind is worrying incessantly about what to do if I don't get in. I found that going to busy places helps a little as it means you can't drift away to easily (I live in a big city so that makes it easier) but mostly I think I manage about 10 minutes tops before frantically checking my email again.

Lol! You're good you can wait 10 minutes. I'm so anxious I refresh every 30 seconds lol. This waiting game is driving me MAD! I wanna email admissions soooooo bad but I don't know what I would say! Uuugggggghhhhhhhhh

[istanbulnotconstantinople]

Just now, crnasia_002 said:

Lol! You're good you can wait 10 minutes. I'm so anxious I refresh every 30 seconds lol. This waiting game is driving me MAD! I wanna email admissions soooooo bad but I don't know what I would say! Uuugggggghhhhhhhhh

Well I am also crazy because I refresh my email all day despite being on the other side of the world and know that everyone in the US is sleeping, but just incase I check. My second favourite hobby is checking what time it is in various cities in the US to count down the hours until admissions officers will come in to work. I have actually tried to call/email Steinhardt today but I just get put through to an answerphone and have had no response to my email.

[crnasia_002]

1 minute ago, istanbulnotconstantinople said:

Well I am also crazy because I refresh my email all day despite being on the other side of the world and know that everyone in the US is sleeping, but just incase I check. My second favourite hobby is checking what time it is in various cities in the US to count down the hours until admissions officers will come in to work. I have actually tried to call/email Steinhardt today but I just get put through to an answerphone and have had no response to my email.

Aaaawww I live outside of the US too! So I too countdown and check time zones. I hope for our sakes they email us no later than tomorrow or Wednesday

[istanbulnotconstantinople]

2 minutes ago, crnasia_002 said:

Aaaawww I live outside of the US too! So I too countdown and check time zones. I hope for our sakes they email us no later than tomorrow or Wednesday

Fingers crossed for both of us - at this point just knowing one way or another would be enough for me I think.

[crnasia_002]

4 minutes ago, istanbulnotconstantinople said:

Fingers crossed for both of us - at this point just knowing one way or another would be enough for me I think.

Exactly! Whether accept or reject, we just want to be relieved of worry and panic. I just emailed one of the schools I applied to. Awaiting a response. Yikes!

[AnniKatt]

I'm having the worst time trying to concentrate at work right now. I'm literally shaking at my desk and yet I know it could still be a good week or two before I find out anything.

[ra42890]

1 hour ago, AnniKatt said:

I'm having the worst time trying to concentrate at work right now. I'm literally shaking at my desk and yet I know it could still be a good week or two before I find out anything.

Well, at least I know I am not the only one going through this. And you are right, it may absolutely be another week or two before we hear anything... Especially considering most places will be on Spring break next week... 

[ra42890]

Just received an email telling me that I have been wait listed at one of the schools I applied to. What a great way to say "keep waiting." Ha. Well, it's better than a rejection and it cools my anxiety just a little bit.

[123abc]

@ra42890 what are your next steps? Going to follow up with them?

[ra42890]

@123abc I will probably wait a few days and then call to see where I am on the list. If I am towards the bottom, then I will probably focus my energy elsewhere. Still have the other school to cross my fingers for!

[Kamari]

Totally going through this as well. Had an interview last week; everything went swimmingly (minus them being on the east coast and us having to move the interview to a phone interview due to them calling me in the middle of class unexpectedly). The energy of the interview was great and they stated that one of my answers "was the best answer they'd ever heard" so I was totally feelin' good. They also said I should know by this week and I expected to hear today and haven't heard a thing... so now I'm checking my phone 9 times an hour waiting for an email that I know isn't coming because they're all out of the office and listening to classical music on repeat isolated from my friends so that I'm not sucking the life of those close to me because I feel like an anxious ball of junk. I'm quite afraid to email as having a physical record of my nervousness scares me so I'm probably going to call tomorrow but my program is very small and very competitive so I don't even have any reference of rejections or waitlists because I've seen no one else on this site that's applied.

 

Nonetheless; keep this thread alive. It's pretty great to just type out your story and know that someone's listening in addition to going through the same thing.

[Ragtag]

I am in the exact same boat! Stressed out of my mind. And feeling anxious to the point where I've felt physically ill... it comes in waves. I don't know about you guys but I've never felt this kind of stress in my life. I have only seen one post on the results page about my program, and it was a rejection. I like to believe this is a good sign? Maybe they weed out the rejects in the first round and wait to send offers of admission afterwards? Anyways, I just can't wait for this agonizing wait to end, no amount of tea and bubble baths will relax me! 

Edited March 7, 2017 by vickiejv

[AnniKatt]

2 hours ago, ra42890 said:

Just received an email telling me that I have been wait listed at one of the schools I applied to. What a great way to say "keep waiting." Ha. Well, it's better than a rejection and it cools my anxiety just a little bit.

I'll be sending good vibes along your way.

Also, I have news! I got an acceptance letter today from my backup school. Good to know I'm not a total failure lol.

[siitrasn]

I live in Asia so the time zone difference really screws with me sometimes. Last night, went to bed around 2 am (which is when East Coast US starts getting to work) and checked email, woke up at 4:30 am and checked email, woke up at 7:00am and checked email, woke up at 9:00am and checked email.

While I was probably equally as anxious while job hunting, at least the turn over tends to be around 1-2 weeks for companies to receive a response. Not sure if I can handle another month of poor sleep.

7 minutes ago, AnniKatt said:

I'll be sending good vibes along your way.

Also, I have news! I got an acceptance letter today from my backup school. Good to know I'm not a total failure lol.

Congrats!!

Edited March 7, 2017 by siitrasn

[AnniKatt]

30 minutes ago, siitrasn said:

I live in Asia so the time zone difference really screws with me sometimes. Last night, went to bed around 2 am (which is when East Coast US starts getting to work) and checked email, woke up at 4:30 am and checked email, woke up at 7:00am and checked email, woke up at 9:00am and checked email.

While I was probably equally as anxious while job hunting, at least the turn over tends to be around 1-2 weeks for companies to receive a response. Not sure if I can handle another month of poor sleep.

Congrats!!

Thank you!

And funny, I just got back to East Coast US after spending two weeks in Asia. My entire circadian rhythm is screwy right now.

[istanbulnotconstantinople]

5 hours ago, Kamari said:

Totally going through this as well. Had an interview last week; everything went swimmingly (minus them being on the east coast and us having to move the interview to a phone interview due to them calling me in the middle of class unexpectedly). The energy of the interview was great and they stated that one of my answers "was the best answer they'd ever heard" so I was totally feelin' good. They also said I should know by this week and I expected to hear today and haven't heard a thing... so now I'm checking my phone 9 times an hour waiting for an email that I know isn't coming because they're all out of the office and listening to classical music on repeat isolated from my friends so that I'm not sucking the life of those close to me because I feel like an anxious ball of junk. I'm quite afraid to email as having a physical record of my nervousness scares me so I'm probably going to call tomorrow but my program is very small and very competitive so I don't even have any reference of rejections or waitlists because I've seen no one else on this site that's applied.

 

Nonetheless; keep this thread alive. It's pretty great to just type out your story and know that someone's listening in addition to going through the same thing.

this is exactly the situation I am in too and you're right that sharing stories helps. I actually flew in for the interview day, things went well but I know it's super competitive and I keep going over in my head all the things I could have said differently. I can see on the results page that they accepted someone on Friday but I am still in the dark and that's making me extremely miserable - I just want to know even if it's bad news. I emailed the admissions officer who organised everything to ask when I can expect to hear but have not got any response at all. I know that he will have seen the email by now but is not replying for some reason. I don't think silence bodes well in this case.

[Kamari]

15 minutes ago, istanbulnotconstantinople said:

this is exactly the situation I am in too and you're right that sharing stories helps. I actually flew in for the interview day, things went well but I know it's super competitive and I keep going over in my head all the things I could have said differently. I can see on the results page that they accepted someone on Friday but I am still in the dark and that's making me extremely miserable - I just want to know even if it's bad news. I emailed the admissions officer who organised everything to ask when I can expect to hear but have not got any response at all. I know that he will have seen the email by now but is not replying for some reason. I don't think silence bodes well in this case.

I am wishing for the absolute best for both of us. <3

[ra42890]

13 hours ago, siitrasn said:

I live in Asia so the time zone difference really screws with me sometimes. Last night, went to bed around 2 am (which is when East Coast US starts getting to work) and checked email, woke up at 4:30 am and checked email, woke up at 7:00am and checked email, woke up at 9:00am and checked email.

While I was probably equally as anxious while job hunting, at least the turn over tends to be around 1-2 weeks for companies to receive a response. Not sure if I can handle another month of poor sleep.

Congrats!!

Oh gosh. I can't imagine that. Night time is usually when I am most at ease, because I know everyone is sleeping and I won't receive any word at that time. The hardest part is when I know they are in their offices. So... when I am trying to teach my 1st graders and I hear that I have an email, I have a hard time focusing on my job. I should probably mute my computer for the sake of my students. Ha.

[longshot2017]

@ra42890 Thank you for starting this feed. I too need to vent.

I hate this. I figure I have gone through the waiting game after dealing with unemployment for seven months back in 2014. But man, this take the cake. I think the fact that I am applying to a PhD program in Toronto - a place where I have never been - makes things a little more intense. Since finding this site (on Feb 17)... man I think my anxiety has increased ten fold. It doesn't help that I really want to know if I got accepted so I can envision my exit plan at my current job. I look forward to the opportunity to have nothing to lose and tell them exactly what I think of their organization. Oh... that would be the best. 

My parents are praying I get accepted so I will be geographically closer to them (they live in DC). I have been living here for almost the past 9 years. The idea of being a 8.5 hour car drive away from them as opposed to a minimum 15 hour multiple plane ride away makes me smile. I have been so resistant to leaving this country. But I think I could use a few years to meeting different people and get a different perspective on life. I am so crazy excited about all the things it could mean. And so dreading the possibility of rejection. When the reality is I will just apply again next year. And nothing would change. 

I e-mailed the program last Wednesday (March 1) and they immediately replied and said I would hear by the end of the week. I went in crazy panic counting down the hour mode. I sent them a thank you e-mail. To which she literally said "That might have been optimistic of me, more likely you will hear by end of next week.". And all I thought wast: WELL THANK YOU VERY MUCH, I LITERALLY HATE YOU RIGHT NOW. So now we are 3.5 days until the end of the week. And I have watched 9 movies since receiving that e-mail in a effort to distract myself. (By the way, Lion is an amazing movie - everyone should see it... and La La Land is entirely overrated). At least I am still meeting all deadlines at work. I have been avoiding hanging out with friends because I am the opposite of a good time right now.

Please make the end of the week come sooner! I feel like this will never end!!!!

Edited March 7, 2017 by longshot2017

[Liiahhhh]

34 minutes ago, longshot2017 said:

So now we are 3.5 days until the end of the week. And I have watched 9 movies since receiving that e-mail in a effort to distract myself. (By the way, Lion is an amazing movie - everyone should see it... and La La Land is entirely overrated). At least I am still meeting all deadlines at work. I have been avoiding hanging out with friends because I am the opposite of a good time right now.

Lol, literally me. 

1. Never had a Netflix subscription because it's pretty shitty in Europe - just got one to distract myself from going absolutely mental

2. Stopped hanging out with my friends, not that I have that many anyways, but I'm literally the most pessimistic, anxious, saddest human in all of Sweden at the moment 

3. Instead of harassing my friends, all I do is hanging in front of my laptop doing research for my thesis which is literally the only thing that is going well for me at the moment #waitlistedfor2outof3schoolsiveappliedto

[siitrasn]

I know this isn't the healthiest thing but alcohol has probably been my best friend for the past two months.

[FAM44]

19 hours ago, ra42890 said:

Well, at least I know I am not the only one going through this. And you are right, it may absolutely be another week or two before we hear anything... Especially considering most places will be on Spring break next week... 

Spring break next week!! this just added to my anxiety.. It was hoping to hear back by next week, this means we have to wait longer now.... ughhh