Graduate school as a single mother

[Bella429]

At the moment I am feeling quite overwhelmed and I am hoping that someone may be able to offer some advice, suggestions or even a fresh perspective on things.   I am a single mother to a two year old and in the fall I will be starting a MSW program as a full time student.  I am having a difficult time figuring out how I am going to balance school work, taking care of my son. and maintaining some sort of sanity. I don't want to neglect my school work and at the same time i don't want to miss my son's childhood- I am the type of person who puts 110% into everything I do including raising my child, so knowing that something is going to have to give is quite unsettling to me.   I feel like I need to go back to school in order to make a better life for the two of us, but at the same time i am worried that it isn't going to be manageable.  I can choose to complete the program in 3 years as opposed to two years, but I feel the pressure to finish as quickly as possible because I need to get out into the work world and start making a decent living for the two of us.   Also, if I do the program in three years I would be considered a part time student and I will lose a good chunk of the scholarship money that I received.  The course load seems like alot to me; each semester I will be doing a 21 hour internship and taking 4 classes.  I do have the option of doing an internship that is 14 hours per week and that is extended into the summer., but I don't think that there are many quality field placements that will take students who fall into this category. Basically my schedule will look something like the following:

Monday: internship 8am-4pm    class: 5-10pm

Tuesday:internship- 9am-5pm

Wednesday: Internship 9am-5pm

Thursday: class- 9am-1pm

Friday and Sundays: No classes or internship

Saturday-every other week 3 hour class

I am wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation or if they found a homework schedule that has worked for them.  I haven't been in school for 3 years, so it is hard for me to imagine how much time I need to set aside to do my coursework.  I would like to have at least 1 day a week that i can devote 100% of my time to my son (or at least close to that) and in the ideal world I would like to be able to devote 2-3 hours a night to him, but I recognize that this isn't always going to be realistic.   I will have most of Sunday to do school work and I figure I will be able to devote 6 hours or so to school work at least one other day of the week.  I am just worried that this isn't enough and that I am going to feel like I am drowning.  

 

Edited April 24, 2017 by Bella429

[NoirFemme]

4 hours ago, Bella429 said:

At the moment I am feeling quite overwhelmed and I am hoping that someone may be able to offer some advice, suggestions or even a fresh perspective on things.   I am a single mother to a two year old and in the fall I will be starting a MSW program as a full time student.  I am having a difficult time figuring out how I am going to balance school work, taking care of my son. and maintaining some sort of sanity. I don't want to neglect my school work and at the same time i don't want to miss my son's childhood- I am the type of person who puts 110% into everything I do including raising my child, so knowing that something is going to have to give is quite unsettling to me.   I feel like I need to go back to school in order to make a better life for the two of us, but at the same time i am worried that it isn't going to be manageable.  I can choose to complete the program in 3 years as opposed to two years, but I feel the pressure to finish as quickly as possible because I need to get out into the work world and start making a decent living for the two of us.   Also, if I do the program in three years I would be considered a part time student and I will lose a good chunk of the scholarship money that I received.  The course load seems like alot to me; each semester I will be doing a 21 hour internship and taking 4 classes.  I do have the option of doing an internship that is 14 hours per week and that is extended into the summer., but I don't think that there are many quality field placements that will take students who fall into this category. Basically my schedule will look something like the following:

Monday: internship 8am-4pm    class: 5-10pm

Tuesday:internship- 9am-5pm

Wednesday: Internship 9am-5pm

Thursday: class- 9am-1pm

Friday and Sundays: No classes or internship

Saturday-every other week 3 hour class

I am wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation or if they found a homework schedule that has worked for them.  I haven't been in school for 3 years, so it is hard for me to imagine how much time I need to set aside to do my coursework.  I would like to have at least 1 day a week that i can devote 100% of my time to my son (or at least close to that) and in the ideal world I would like to be able to devote 2-3 hours a night to him, but I recognize that this isn't always going to be realistic.   I will have most of Sunday to do school work and I figure I will be able to devote 6 hours or so to school work at least one other day of the week.  I am just worried that this isn't enough and that I am going to feel like I am drowning.  

 

Perhaps you can reach out to the authors of these articles?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kara-romick/surviving-the-insanity-of-grad-school-as-a-single-mom_b_9482182.html

http://www.rackham.umich.edu/blog/day-life-grad-student-mom

http://www.gradhacker.org/2011/06/01/grad-school-and-parenting-if-i-knew-then-what-i-know-now…/

http://www.rantsfrommommyland.com/2013/08/domestic-enemies-of-grad-school-mom.html

https://www.reddit.com/r/GradSchool/comments/4t888v/a_graduate_student_single_mother/

http://blogs.ams.org/mathmentoringnetwork/2015/03/30/the-intersection-of-motherhood-and-graduate-school-the-good-the-bad-and-the-cute-babies/

[Plane_Jane]

Congrats on getting into the MSW program!

I am a single parent of a 4 year old and will be taking 16 credits while also doing a 20 hour internship, starting this fall. I've asked for reading lists for my classes and am starting to read ahead over the summer to lessen the burden in September. 

For me, the best time of day to get my work done is in the very early morning hours when I know my child will be asleep. I get up and read from 5-7am, pretty much everyday. This is in part because I love to read at that time, and also because I have a child who doesn't like to go to sleep at night- so getting much work done in the evenings is pretty unlikely. 

Ruth Bader Ginsburg had a toddler while she was in law school. She said that the 2-3 hours she spent with her child every night were what gave her balance. 

Dr. Ruth Westheimer, yes, the Dr. Ruth, she was a single mother to two children while she completed her PhD. 

We can do this!

 

[thelionking]

Some great ideas, Plane_Jane!

If you aren't a fast reader (or even if you are), try taking a speed reading course and practice your speed reading skills between now and then. You should be able to improve substantially over the next few months.  

If you have any group projects, my recommendation is to try to be in a group with other parents or with students who do not procrastinate or do things at the last minute. Students without kids can afford to do that and get away with it. But in my experience, parents can't  because you can't predict when your child will come down with the flu or start crying in the middle of the night.  

[Plane_Jane]

15 hours ago, thelionking said:

If you have any group projects, my recommendation is to try to be in a group with other parents or with students who do not procrastinate or do things at the last minute. 

oooh, good thinking! There will be no last minute, all-nighters for group projects with me!

: ) 

[FuturePhD2017]

As someone who has been in your shoes, my biggest tip is that "slow and steady wins the race."  I think your Monday schedule looks like too many hours away from your son (if it can be avoided.) The problem is not only that Mondays will be hard, but that they are likely to be too much for him (or both of you), and then he's likely to be clingy or grumpy or attention-seeking the next day or beyond. I would recommend the 14 hour/week internship, because 7 more hours to rest/see your son/catch up on homework is actually quite a lot.  Kids do well with consistency, so the more you can spread things out, in general, the better.  

Keep in mind that kids tend to get sick, so if possible, have a bit of padding in your schedule.  So, if you miss a week here or a class there, you have a little wiggle room to make up for it. Don't be afraid to bring your son to a class with you if he's too sick to go to school or day care, but not actually super sick. I've also found the time after my kids go to bed or before they get up useful for studying - if you review something before bed, your brain works on it while you sleep - but do make sure you get enough sleep.  

Also, don't forget about finances.  They can cause a lot of stress.  Find out if you're eligible for WIC or food stamps/EBT or subsidized childcare, and if you are, use them.  If you are eligible for a scholarship, apply.  If you can get a loan, take out a bit more than you think you need. Once you're behind the 8 ball, it's hard to catch up.  And, also, though this is hard for most grad students, go for the good enough.  It's ok if your house is a little messy, it's ok if you get A-s instead of As.  Take care of your son, take of your self, and hang in there.  You can do it!!!

p.s. Don't forget planning.  A written planner with everything in it, including the hours your son has daycare, the days your school or his is closed for a holiday, etc will really help. And, try to plan the next year.  In terms of finances, school work etc, do you have a plan for the summer between school years?  If you can take a break, even a month, to just hang out with your son, that will make up for some being away from each other during the school year.

 

Edited May 12, 2017 by FuturePhD2017

[FuturePhD2017]

p.p.s.  I just saw that you might have the option to do your program in three years.  See if that is possible, and if it really will affect your scholarship.  If it will, can you get loans?  You'll spend less in childcare and have more time with your son.