This Website makes it much, much worse

[MmmNachos]

Before I start, let me just say that I'm not judging anyone, and I certainly understand the draw to gradcafe. I stumbled across gradcafe looking for acceptance stats for the schools I was applying too, and I was excited to find a place where I could discuss grad schools with so many people who are in the same boat.

But as a 2nd-round applicant, I can say that my perspective of the entire process was much healthier last year when I worried about my applications in the context of my life, rather than allowing myself to get caught up in the gradcafe environment where, due to stress and emotions, people blow things WAY out of proportion.

Know what I did last year after sending applications? Forgot about them, because I knew I'd have to wait 2 months. And I didn't check my email every half hour, and I didn't read the results board to check if anyone from my program got accepted, and I didn't have a panic attack every time the phone rang. From what I read on this site, there are very few people on this site that have achieved that level of calm.

I know there is a catharsis that occurs when you are able to discuss your fears and hopes with people in the same boat, but having constant access to a bunch of neurotic applicants only breeds more neuroticism.

I have always known I wanted to go to grad school- I've worked extremely hard, and I was devastated last year when I wasn't accepted to the schools I wanted to attend. But last year I got through the application process through talking with a few friends in similar boats, and focusing on my work, friends, and family. After my rejections, it was much easier to realize it wasn't the end of the world, because I hadn't invested my entire self to the responses of the schools.

A few people on this site have already realized that they need to take a few weeks off. All I'm saying is, maybe all of us should really consider how healthy it is for us to constantly ruminate with people when, at this point, it is out of our control.

[Venetia]

Personally, I have found this site to be extremely valuable during the whole application process. Perhaps this is because my situation is different to yours- I'm currently living abroad, and have no personal contact with any other graduate applicants. I've also never studied in the States before, so there were some parts of the application that just baffled me. And don't even mention the GREs! This site was great while I was filling in applications because it offered a place for me to ask those tedious little questions that no one I know could answer. Then during the waiting I was lucky enough to find other people interested in my specific field to talk to, so I felt less isolated (I'm sure everyone here has encountered bafflement when they've mentioned their desire to go to grad school). Also, it's nice to have somewhere to obsess about my applications if I feel like it. It means that I do it less to my friends and family, who I'm pretty sure were heartily sick of the topic.

I do understand your position- from some of the threads that have been started on this site, it's obvious that some people are getting EXTREMELY neurotic about the application process. That said, reading those threads has not heightened my own neuroses. I like to think that I'm pretty chilled out about the whole thing. My heart goes pitter patter when I check my email, but apart from that I'm trying to get on with things.

And yes, when I see acceptances for my programs on the Results page, a tiny part of me starts hyperventilating. But then I take a deep breath and remind myself that it's still early days. Then I close my computer and go and do something else. Therein lies the true secret to not getting obsessive about gradcafe or checking application status: moderation, and the realization that the real world is still going on. So yes, MmmNachos, the world won't end if I'm rejected, and the whole process is out of my control. As long as I accept that and keep reminding myself of that fact, I think that Gradcafe is still a helpful tool. And good luck with your applications!

[Branwen daughter of Llyr]

It's all a matter of taking things in proportion.

For me, personally, this site is a place where I've found more like-minded people to talk to than I have in the past eight years. None of my friends are planning on doing a PhD, not here, and not in the States, and none of my friends are "cuckoo" for English lit as I am. So when I discovered this forum, it was like a breath of fresh air. Finally, some people to talk to

Maybe I'm lucky in a way, because I'm currently dealing with a LOT of other stuff except the applications, so i'm not sitting around all day long and daydreaming or thinking about it. I'm also pretty sure I won't get in this year, and I'm already mentally prepared for applying again next year. So yeah, I can definitely see your point about being neurotic about things, but you don't necessarily have to take that part in. Maybe even go the other way. Whenever anyone gets too neurotic, I try to help, rather than be infected by it.

Add to the fact that I've learned more about the application process and what to put emphasis on for next year from this site than I have anywhere else. I have a better idea on how to write my SOP, and also hopefully I've found some sources that can help me re-vamp my writing sample (or at least proofread what I've written). Just the fact that I've found other "older" applicants in my field has made my day - for me, I just don't feel as alone. Since I'm applying from a different country and have no one around me here that truly understands how difficult it is to get into a PhD program, this place has been a godsend.

Of course once and I while I freak out a bit. It's difficult not hearing anything from the schools you've applied to, especially when two of them made 1 offer each on the Results page, and even when I'm sure I won't get in anyway. But, from what I understand, that's part of the process, for good or for bad!

[MmmNachos]

@Branwen and Venetia, you both have very good points about applying from another country- as a US to US applicant, I hadn't really considered how baffling it might be to apply from elsewhere. And as you said- I sometimes find that reading the excessive worries of others inclines me to help rather than join in the madness. I suppose it's good to remember that there are people who get really helpful insight from gradcafe and not everyone utilizing the site it using it to obsess.

Good luck to both of you on your applications, too!

Edited February 15, 2010 by MmmNachos

[gazelle]

Well, since my original plan was and still is to defer for a year, I'm not very worried, though I would like my results.

Also, if I were to get rejected from my schools, that would be really unfortunate, but at the same time it would make a lot of things easier looking forward.

Most importantly though, I'm agonizing Tuesday in, Tuesday out for the impending i5/i7 updates to the Macbook Pro line.

Overall, I just haven't been too stressed about the process since I submitted the applications. I check my email once a day, and that's about it; I don't really check the results search much since I know when my schools notify based on their own websites, the earliest of which will be next month.

[Jade]

A few people on this site have already realized that they need to take a few weeks off. All I'm saying is, maybe all of us should really consider how healthy it is for us to constantly ruminate with people when, at this point, it is out of our control.

You're right. I was fine before I starting visiting here regularly. Didn't check my status, no freaking out when the phone rang... forget it. You can't prepare for judgement day no matter how hard you try. I'll list my results whenever I get them, but I'm done with the site. Good luck to everyone and thanks for the post.

[Tapioca]

I agree. And I know it's bad for me, but it's like a train wreck. I can't turn away!