Discussing Thesis in your SOP

[Yep]

Hello everyone, 

I am applying to Clinical & counseling programs and currently working out the kinks in my Statement of Purpose. Here is what I got so far:

"Upon graduating from my bachelors at ###, I chose to further my development in research and statistics at #### program. There, I produced a thesis proposal......"

and that is as far as I got lol. Helpful tips or examples would be so appreciated. I keep running into mental road blocks when I attempt to write my SOP

[fuzzylogician]

Well first off, you can get rid of half of the words in your sentence without loss of content. "After graduating with my BA from XYZ, I enrolled in a Masters? program at the University of ABC. <Sentence about what you learned; "further my development in research and statistics" is incredibly vague; be specific!>. My (currently in progress) thesis proposes to study <question>. By <doing things>, I plan to <find out stuff>. This will teach us <interesting things that are important, and here's why>. <Something about methodology, advising, timeline, etc. Be specific, give details where you can>. This background has prepared me to pursue a graduate education concentrating on <relevant things> at <your institution>, etc etc" 

[Yep]

16 hours ago, fuzzylogician said:

Well first off, you can get rid of half of the words in your sentence without loss of content. "After graduating with my BA from XYZ, I enrolled in a Masters? program at the University of ABC. <Sentence about what you learned; "further my development in research and statistics" is incredibly vague; be specific!>. My (currently in progress) thesis proposes to study <question>. By <doing things>, I plan to <find out stuff>. This will teach us <interesting things that are important, and here's why>. <Something about methodology, advising, timeline, etc. Be specific, give details where you can>. This background has prepared me to pursue a graduate education concentrating on <relevant things> at <your institution>, etc etc" 

wow thats great. That will forsure help me. Thank you for your time.