Scare of an academic meeting

[Hope.for.the.best]

As you may aware, I am finishing off the last bits of my PhD dissertation. 

In my school, there is an independent panel of academics who keep track on how I am going with my PhD. They meet me and my advisors regularly to make sure there are no issues, and that I can submit my dissertation on time. I will not need to meet them once I submit my dissertation. At our last meeting, they were all delighted to hear that I generated very exciting data in my PhD, and they believed that I would not need to meet them anymore. At that time, we aimed at getting everything done by August. However, without going into a lot of details, two big drama occurred between me and my advisors, which somehow delayed the writing. They wished me to complete a manuscript before doing the dissertation, but my weakness in writing finally got them to change their mind, so I totally focused on my dissertation. I should be finishing by this year, but that would mean I have to attend another academic meeting in November. The admin was meant to schedule it by the end of this month, but at the time I planned to submit on the date she indicated, so she did not schedule any meetings. She indicated two potential dates in November, but asked me to get back to her if I submitted or not so she could organise. Well, I really wish to avoid the meeting at all costs.

Last year, one of my PhD friends got into trouble with that panel because she fell behind her PhD. She could not submit as planned because her advisor thought she needed more work. The panel interviewed her and her advisor separately for more than one hour. She was crying when she left the meeting room. She finally submitted in July this year though. I start to worry that I will have the same fate as her at the meeting. The panel have always been nice and friendly to me. They themselves are advisors of other PhD students, so they should understand things do not always go as planned. Unfortunately, they will need to explore why I will submit by the year end when I could make it by August. My strategy will be not to keep in touch with the admin, in the hope that she forgets me. I can easily apologise for my "forgetfulness" if she finds out. However, it is possible that she will find out shortly. My advisors kindly extend my financial support till the end of the year and I need to turn in a form to that admin. Unfortunately, she is the only admin in my school, and she will know that I am not done yet when she sees the form. I am trying not to turn in the form until it's late November, so she cannot organise any meetings. However, that got my parents upset. They don't see why I would delay getting the money that I deserve only to avoid a meeting. They don't understand that I may have a difficult time if I need to attend that meeting, and I will get myself too anxious. Anyway, one of the panel members is very nice but interviews students aggressively, like "How many % have you done for the first chapter? How many for the second, third etc. How long will it take for you to finish chapter 1, chapter 2 etc.?" I know by then I will finish the whole dissertation, just awaiting some final looks by my advisors, so he should not question me like that if I tell him upfront that I finish 100% (hopefully). I know "unforeseeable circumstances" is the term to explain for the delay. However, what else should I say if they decide to explore why my submission is delayed by that much? The meeting will be recorded, so I cannot tell them my troubles with advisors. It is just pointless to bring up issues that have been resolved, plus my advisors will be angry. 

Any advice is appreciated. Thank you! 

[St Andrews Lynx]

Forget about background noise from admins, parents, friends in the program who had a bad time: your advisor's opinion is the one that matters. Concentrate your energy on keeping on his good side and doing what he expects you to do. If anybody on the committee asks about delays to your writing, reply with 1-2 sentences accepting full responsibility (don't go into excuses or allocation of blame) and a polite apology for any inconvenience caused to them. 

I had kinda a hard time deciphering your post - what exactly is going on and what you are most afraid of. It might be helpful if in your own time you break this morass of fears/challenges into a list. Rank them by their power to affect your dissertation endgame. How are you going to deal with each individual hurdle? (e.g. parents getting angsty isn't going to affect your dissertation; so practice conversation-ending platitudes)

[fuzzylogician]

Parents and anxiety aside, you didn't mention any actual consequences that could come from that meeting. If it's just potential discomfort, you should just do it. You're planning to submit in two months and you have your advisors' support. I'd take the same approach to this as to ripping off a bandaid: better do it quickly and get it over with; the anticipated fear and pain that come from doing it slowly are *not* helping. Plan short reply to anticipated questions, and realize that this committee sounds like a good thing: if you were still encountering unreasonable resistance, they would have been there to help get you back on track. Since you are back on track, snag and all, things are looking up. Admit the snag, take responsibility, don't blame anyone, and get it over with. I think it's fair to say that writing was more difficult for you at times than you had anticipated, and moreover at some point earlier in the year you all tried to also produce a paper, which put you back even further, but through consultation with your advisors you eventually decided to go back to concentrating on the dissertation, which you're doing now with the goal of finishing by the end of the year. That's not lying, doesn't place blame on anyone explicitly, but it will make it clear to the committee who is responsible for what. Get your money, too. You shouldn't be this afraid!

[Hope.for.the.best]

Thanks for your responses. Sorry if my previous post was unclear. I can only clarify by saying that things are a bit different in my country without explaining further. I have to be extremely carefully not to reveal too much here in case my advisors find out I post about them. I don't wish to take this risk, but I am really desperate and have nobody to turn to.

The panel I mentioned has nothing to do with my dissertation submission. It is up to my advisors to decide when I can submit. If there are any issues that prevent me from submitting my dissertation (e.g. advisor issues), the panel will work out how me and my advisors can address the problems, so I can finish within a reasonable timeframe. Nothing very bad will happen to me if I were to attend that meeting, it would probably be some discomfort due to intense questioning. However, the idea of being questioned by 5 academics why my submission is late is just too overwhelming and stressful to me! I have had enough stress this year and all I wish is to write and submit in peace. 

I don't wish to blame my main advisor, but he is indeed the culprit for the mishap. I told my family everything I encountered without judging, and they all agree with me. Actually, he was the one who insisted on that experiment which I could not handle months ago. He was actually persuading my co-advisor very hard to do that experiment, because someone did it and published in Cell. That explains why he said the experiment was doable, when he asked me to focus on writing prior to that. That also explains why he was hesitating to discuss with my co-advisor when I said I could not handle. He kept saying that he would support me etc., but what he was conveying appeared to be the opposite. That escalated to my other advisor in the end (let's call him B), who stepped in and supported that I should get my dissertation done first. Finally, they all agreed that I worked on my dissertation. Unfortunately (to me it's fortunate), my main advisor ran out of funding and was not successful in getting any, and same to my co-advisor, so that means I will need to work for B to complete the manuscript. B is the one who has funding. That also means B will become the senior author of the manuscript, because he will contribute a lot, i.e. take over the project, from now on. Right now, it is my main advisor who is the senior author. I can see my main advisor is upset, because he could potentially be the senior author of a top manuscript, but it all goes to B in the end. Since then, my main advisor got mad at me a few times, when apparently I did nothing wrong. He was slower than usual in getting back to me about my writing, probably he wished to delay me until the next round of funding is released. He also made a very negative comment about B (which is untrue) when he got mad at me once. I brought that up to my co-advisor and the whole thing was well-resolved. However, that means submission of my dissertation is delayed by that much. I know my story is not that uncommon, but how could I ever explain that? 

Other than saying "unforeseeable circumstances" and what fuzzylogician suggests, I don't know what else to say if the panel decide to "thoroughly investigate" why I cannot submit as planned. 

[fuzzylogician]

Okay, so there are relevant facts, irrelevant facts, and speculation. You'll do well to distinguish those in any official conversation: 

Relevant facts: 

• You were on track as per your last meeting. 
• You were asked by your advisors to divert your attention to writing a manuscript, which you did. 
• This led to a slow down in dissertation writing. 
• At some point there was a money problem that led to a delay in the manuscript writing.
• Everyone agreed that you should re-focus on the dissertation. 
• You have been doing that, with good progress again, and a planned submission date by the end of the year. 

Irrelevant facts: 

• Anything to do with happened to that other student in the committee meeting. 
• That A called B names or vice versa. 
• All the business with authorship on the paper. 

Speculation: 

• Anything to do with delaying your graduation time for any nefarious reason (e.g., to wait for another funding cycle). 
• Anything to do with how you interpret someone's comments or lack thereof. 
• Actually, at least part of your story about authorship is probably also speculation. 
• Ulterior motives behind the timing of submission, where to submit, etc., beyond what you witnesses firsthand. 

Stick to the relevant facts, and that should be enough. This sounds like a pretty common occurrence. Don't offer speculation if anyone "thoroughly investigates". It's fair and smart to say "I don't know, I simply did what my advisors asked and trusted in their expertise." If asked, you can say you expressed concerns that the manuscript writing was slowing you down, and that after some meetings and deliberation, and partly because of the money trouble, you all eventually agreed that you should focus on the dissertation first. Again, facts, not speculation, and no accusations. People can draw their own conclusions. 

[Hope.for.the.best]

Thank you, fuzzylogician!

Of course, I will only stick to the facts in the event I need to attend that meeting. I was trying to explain my advisor drama, which got my dissertation delayed by that much. I know it is bad to speculate, but I am confident that most of my speculation is true, based on my knowledge after working with him for years. He is never a gentleman whom I will describe as "unpredictable, moody etc.". He had always been a passionate and easy-going scientist in my mind. 

I will still try to procrastinate the meeting if possible though, because the responses of "unforeseeable circumstances" and what fuzzylogician suggested will not satisfy all 5 academics. I have met them for years, and I kind of know how they will approach such situation. Some maybe okay when they hear that I will submit by a date and show them my drafts of dissertation, but some may wonder if I can actually make it because I have a record of not making it. Especially for that "aggressive" questioner - If I tell him that I finish my dissertation but awaiting some final reviews by my advisors, his focus will turn to "How many % have you revised for chapter 1, 2 etc.? How long will you need to revise chapter 1, 2 etc.?" I can respond to him by saying that "I don't know. I trust my advisors etc.", but I can foresee other members may catch up with other questions. Revision can take a long time, added my record of delayed submission, things don't look very convincing to them. They may not interview me for 1 hour, but I do have to be prepared for that. My anxiety is slowly subsiding but still lingering. I don't wish to revert to the state when wind makes me difficult to get back to the office etc. If the admin comes to me, I will request her to schedule a time when my dissertation gets to the copy-editing stage. If I tell them upfront that my dissertation is being copy-edited and I will submit after that, they will only meet me for 5 min at most. They will not thoroughly investigate when they know I will certainly submit soon. It is actually helpful to keep myself calm while getting the last bits of dissertation done  

 

[Parent Trap]

As an advisor, I wouldn't be happy if my advisee was trying to duck me. It's not aggressive to ask someone their progress. Deal with it. As for your parents, I'd tell them to back off. I hope they are not contacting faculty, as I would be leery of allowing anyone to continue in my program if their parents are that involved.

Edited November 8, 2017 by Parent Trap

[Hope.for.the.best]

Hi Parent Trap, 

I think you misunderstood my situation. I was trying to hide away from the admin of my school, not my advisors. The admin is required to organise an academic meeting regularly until students submit their dissertations. In those meetings, students and advisors meet with a panel of academics who don't involve in the research projects and update how the PhD is going. The panel are required to explore any issues that prevent students from submitting on time. I did have advisor issues that delay my dissertation. Although these have been resolved, I don't wish to be questioned by the panel why my submission is delayed. I have had too much anxiety for the dissertation already and I don't want to add more. 

I was worrying about involving the admin to get my studentship because she would find out that I had not submitted and hence organise an academic meeting. For my parents, I was just expressing my concerns over that meeting so I would not get the money straight away. They value money a lot, so they were upset about that. If they were to be involved, they would need to make an expensive international call plus they don't speak much English, so there is no way they can contact anyone at my school. 

Anyway, I just find out that I only need to correspond with the graduate school office. My advisors were not sure how to fill the form, so they got the admin involved last time. I keep a copy of the previous form, so this time I can perfectly bypass the admin. I have already turned in the form and will get my money soon!  

[Hope.for.the.best]

Update: Turned out the form needs to get through the admin, because the school needs to sign it. Thankfully, the graduate school office only contacted me last Friday, so the admin only found out about that this week. She was not happy with me trying to bypass her, but of course she still processed the form. Then the next day she said she had to schedule me an academic meeting in mid-December. She remained professional in her email, but I could tell that she was not happy with me not updating her about my submission. If I updated her at the start of Nov, I had to attend a meeting this month. I would get so anxious that I could not be that productive in getting my dissertation to where I am now. I think she figured out that I intentionally hide from her and the academic meeting. Anyway, she did not ask for any reasons, so I pretended nothing happened and replied her that I would have submitted by then. She agreed to not schedule any meetings if I made it. Now my dissertation is getting to the copy-editing stage, so I am in the safe. However, I then received a email to all staff from the head of school. He condemned the abusive behaviours to the admin by some staff. I know what I did to the admin can be at most considered "a genuine forgetfulness", but have I been abusive to her in any ways? Please note that I only communicate with her via emails and I rarely see her, so there is no way I can abuse her in person. I have always been polite in all my emails. So far, nobody from the school approaches me and needs to talk to me. I know, I may be worrying too much again...