It's (Not) About Me

So... How are everyone's confidence levels? Mine took a pretty big blow after getting rejected from Northwestern, but by now I have semi-successfully pep talked myself ("It was my first application! My materials were still pretty rough! Maybe it was a bad fit! Maybe they could tell they're not my top choice! It's not over till it's over!" etc) into a positive attitude.

Seconded! Hell, I hope to do non-profit work of some kind even if I do somehow manage to succeed in academia (lolrite). I am an activist at heart, and that's the angle I took in my SOP. I would love to work for/start a writing program for survivors of sexual abuse.

Me too. Really, really cool. ICE COLD.

Yeah, that's a good way of putting it. My friends are extraordinarily supportive, more than I feel I deserve. Given the number of times I've heard something like "Gurl, U got this, Y U stressin'?" (or my favorite, "You'll get in somewhere/everywhere!"--just like that) I get the sense that they believe in me and don't really get why I'm so anxious. I don't know how to drive home that I'm not just fishing for compliments or stirring up drama for no reason; I'm genuinely feeling insecure. Thank you for your response. I didn't mean to imply that my circumstances are a deviation from the standards for a "normal" applicant, but I see why it sounded that way and I apologize for using exclusionary language. What I meant was that although many of my friends/acquaintances are planning to apply to grad school at some point, only two of them did so this year. I was observing that my friends might feel irritated where they could have been empathetic, but I do not imagine that every other applicant is (or should be) surrounded by people who share their ambitions. I realize that applying, rather than not-applying, is by far the exception.

*snerk* Oh dear god, I had to laugh at this. Too real. Yesterday I finally lost it and unsubscribed from at least 10 mailing lists. I am SICK AND TIRED of jumping every time a "(1)" pops up in Gmail only to find that Groupon (effing Groupon!) has sent me its fourth email of the day. I even unsubscribed from the NARAL list, which is a little insane considering that I volunteer with them 1-2 times a week. I'll probably resubscribe when this madness is over, but I was ready to throw my computer across the room if I got one more piece of gray mail. And then all of them sent me "Wait! Don't go!" emails--I can't win. Hahaha. BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, yayayayay for you! Congratulations on getting into an awesome program!

Question for you all: do you feel like you're driving your friends CRAZY with all of your grad school talk? Only two of my friends are applying at all this year, and they both applied to 1-2 programs that they pretty much know they'll get into. They don't talk about it very much. Meanwhile, I feel as if every other sentence I've spoken since October has been related to my applications somehow. I hear myself doing it, I think "stop, stop, no one cares!", and yet I can't help myself. Word vomit! I keep apologizing for it and I know they love me anyway, hah, but I hate that I've become like a broken record. Maybe it's not as annoying as I think it is.

Affirmative.

Awww. *hug* I'm with you on that... I hereby give you permission to have as much booze and fattening food as you desire! Heck, it's Mardi Gras--you're practically required to do it. But y'know, it's not over till it's over. For either of us!

I LOVE BEAKER. Is that a representation of your mental state, or an artist's rendering of mine? Both?

I'll toss another anecdote onto the pile: I have heard many stories about someone's best friend from high school who went to Columbia and is, like, a total jerk now, and soooo not my friend anymore. For realz. Instinctively, I believe those who say it varies greatly by school. Every institution has its own distinct culture. And by and large, I think assholes gon' ass no matter where they are.

Another Plan B: 1) Audition for reality shows 2) Act like a giant weirdo (lol, "act") in order to get cast and get lots of screen time 3) ???? 4) Profit

Survey sez, one person got an English and Education acceptance at Michigan? And another got a Comparative Literature acceptance. But otherwise, it looks like they've been quiet so far. Eeeeeeek, do we really think that's happening today? Where did this idea come from?

Preach. Re: relationship stuff: I'm in the same boat as some of you. My partner will be finishing his MA this year. It happened that our undergrad institution was his top pick of the MA programs that accepted him, and I was planning to stick around here after graduation anyway. We've stayed together so far while he's been doing that and while I've been working for the university / applying to programs this year. He's not applying to PhD programs (yet?), but he will probably apply for some fellowships and study abroad programs for next year. If that doesn't work out and I somehow get into grad school, he's indicated that he'd be willing to move out there with me. He's been really supportive of my apps and I'm so grateful, but if he gets a kickass fellowship or wants to apply to PhD programs five states away from me, I'd want him to go! And then, I dunno, I guess I would want to separate rather than attempt a long-distance relationship, but I'd prefer that over feeling like he's giving something up for me. Maybe I'm kidding myself, though. Whew, thanks! One less thing to worry about for now!

I was too intimidated to contact professors, too. I work for a (non-English) professor right now, and I see how many prospective students contact her every week. It's maddening. And they do it so early, too! We've already heard from several students interested in talking to her about their applications for next year. Luckily, my boss is pretty gracious about making time for meetings and phone calls, but in many ways she views it as a chore, or just another part of her job. I can't imagine that it makes any difference in the consideration of 99.9% of them. That said, I have seen her take a special interest in one prospective student that contacted her in the time that I've worked for her, so, maybe those odds are enough to motivate other applicants' efforts. I think for me, my worries about irritating professors or making an ass of myself outweighed the potential benefits. Also, let's be real, I somewhat ran out of time.

Yeah, I wouldn't worry too too much about the FAFSA, guys. I just filled it out to give myself 0.0001% more peace of mind, but it doesn't appear to have made any difference in expediting decisions for the schools I applied to. I am slightly relieved to hear that I'm not the only one who slacked, though. Also, whoa, it seems like quite a few of us haven't heard from Wisconsin-Madison. WHAT DOES IT MEEEEAN?

Haha! I submitted five applications on 12/15, so yeah, make that two of us considering the week-long coma.

No no, that's not what I was suggesting--my question was whether some departments need to have your FAFSA on file, period, before they will send you any kind of decision. Especially acceptances. I thought that seemed silly, but a friend of mine was accepted to a school last year that could not send him the decision until he filled out his FAFSA. Somehow their system wouldn't process the acceptance without that information on file. That's just one anecdote with (probably) very little bearings on other schools' procedures. I hope I'm making sense now, and sorry for the confusion!

Personally, I plan to watch this video every morning for the next few weeks (or until all of my decisions are in). http://youtu.be/umc_wKqBQbE I mean, this guy is doing it right!

Thank you so much for saying this. You have pretty well summed up my thoughts on the subject! I agree that there are no certainties either way, but I can't imagine entering a program that I'm not 100% excited and proud to attend. What that entails is different for everyone, but I guess for me it meant applying to places with faculty that I truly drool over, good placement records, similar rankings to my undergrad institution, etc. If I'm not good enough for one of those places, I will feel more comfortable in a different field, but YMMV. I had a similar strategy--I looked within the top 20ish, but prioritized the ones with higher subrankings in my interests (according to US News & World Report). As for which school should win out in the end, there is so much contradictory evidence. I have heard that it's better to go to the school with a higher overall ranking no matter what, but if you're going to be miserable there, uh, don't.

It seemed bizarre to me, too, but a friend told me that one of his acceptances last year couldn't be processed until he submitted the FAFSA, so it made me feel a smidge better to get it done. Anything to help move along my decision! And sure, I'm planning to post everything I hear in the results search. It looks like no one has posted wait list results for Wisconsin yet, so you may be right...? We're both new today, whooo! I'm glad the Wisconsin confusion brought you out of lurking land, too. Fingers crossed for all three of us! Rutgers AND Michigan this week? Oh heyll naw. I mean, I would much prefer to get decisions sooner rather than later, but I'm starting to worry about these heart palpitations...

Congrats!!

Unicorns are my spirit animal. Thank you for sharing that! I wondered if it was somehow related to the fact that I hadn't filled out my FAFSA yet (whoops), so I submitted that yesterday. Still silence today. Eh.

I've been feeling that way about Northwestern, too. It was the last school I chose to apply to, and in retrospect it feels like my thought process went: "Ummmmm, OK, you too!" I knew it wasn't the greatest fit for my interests. But then again, lately it seems to me that I went about choosing my schools allllll wrong. There's not a single one that I feel fully confident about. For some reason, that seemed like an acceptable thing to do at the time ("go big or go home!"), but now I'm completely kicking myself. I wonder if my signature makes me seem like an arrogant/over-confident jerk, haha.

I've been thinking about this so much lately! Especially since at this point my confidence is extremely low. I'm not ready to decide whether to reapply to English programs... Oh god, it'd be so awful to go through this process again. But I can't imagine stopping my education where it is right now. In the short-term, I will probably stay where I am and keep working at my current job for at least another year. I like my employer (my undergrad institution) and I like my boss. I figure that since the job is half research and half secretarial duties, it might help me move towards future jobs in academic administration. Yeah, that will probably be my Plan B. If that doesn't work out, my best friend and I have been making plans to become motivational speakers.

Hi everyone, my name is It's (Not) About Me. I applied to English PhD programs this year and promptly lost my damn mind. I didn't look at this website much while I was actually applying because I was so freakin' intimidated by how qualified/hardworking/etc everyone else seems to be in comparison to me. But now we're all anxiously awaiting decisions, I've been lurking so hardcore that I figured I might as well join the conversations. I applied to 11 programs and so far I've been rejected from one (Northwestern). Am I the only person who has heard absolutely nothing from Wisconsin-Madison? I just want my rejection to be official already!