overworkedta

If you really are legitimately panicky like this and not being hyperbolic, you might want to seek therapy when you get to school (or now, even, it's never a bad time). I say this as someone who has OCD and bipolar II. I was dx'ed with OCD well before school and dx'ed with bipolar in my first semester of grad school. Grad school is hard for you mentally. Almost everyone I know has sought services. They really, really help you out.

In our department of cyclists, you'd be normal. I am only abnormal as a cyclist because I am the lone female in the department on a bike who actually calls herself a "cyclist". We are in a very bike-centric place, though. I like working out but prefer to be outdoors. In the winter, I Spin. Hate riding indoors but I deal. I love beer and wine. I grew up making wine. I made my first carboy when I was probably 7 or so (obviously with my Dad's help but it was "mine") and my BF brews. We love craft beer and taste new stuff every chance we get.

I have made SO many friends in grad school. We were all on our own (a lot of us for the first time) and we made friends quickly. Yes, I am a social butterfly but I had a really, really antisocial cohort. My first year, that cohort weeded out to almost nothing. Despite that, I made friends with "older kids" and friends from other departments. I dated someone and while that didn't work out, we remained friends and he actually introduced me to a ton more friends. It wasn't hard. And, yes, I have dated quite a bit but it wasn't until this past year (I was almost 26) that I found the person I consider my best friend and the closest thing to a soul mate you can ask for. I wasn't even actively looking for anything similar but a friend and I decided to give online dating a go and it worked for me. I'd gotten out of a long-term, failed relationship with someone who wasn't right for me. It wasn't a waste, though, because I learned what I didn't want! Give it time FFS! You're a baby. When I was your age, I had almost made the worst decision of my life. I broke off an engagement to a terrible person and moved on. I am so glad I did that now. I thought then that he might be the only one who could deal with me but I've met some great people over the years - usually when I wasn't actively looking. I think, based on your husband thread that I just read through part of (in which you menton WANTING to get an MRS clearly unaware of its negative connotation), you are really needing to go out and find yourself. I think you are a bit immature and need time to grow. I hope that if you choose to do your MSW, it really helps you find you first.

Well, legally, what are you obligated to do? Can you find a sub-leasor? If yes, then I think it is fair to move out IF you don't want to speak to this person again. I wasn't willing to leave my friend hanging even though I sometimes wanted to scream at her. And I never would have stepped out on a lease - no way. That is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. However, if you honestly can't deal with the situation anymore and you can get out of it without completely screwing your roommate over, I say go for it. Life is too short.

This thread is some serious WTF. You are either the best troll ever or the least self-aware person here. I would suggest you live alone and also stop focusing all of your nervous energy on relationships in grad school. You are in school to learn and to make a career. SO's either start school with you and realize the importance of this or come along eventually and realize a part in this. You don't start grad school to find a husband. Yes, many people meet the person they will end up marrying in college or grad school but this is not why they go. Grad school would be an incredibly awful place to get your M-R-S. It's hellish, tiring, and really makes you regret not taking more time to smell the roses in u-grad. You will love what you do if you end up liking grad school but you will be far too focused on your work for the first few semesters to focus on much else. You will spend most of your time with your cohort, who you should generally refrain from dating unless you want drama (ask me how I know). Eventually, you will get really good at it and start to have more free time. However, you shouldn't go to school to find a husband.

I don't blame you. She sounds like she is just not well right now and is not at all being a good friend. My roommate is similarly annoying me but I think we may have ended the drama train last night with (finally) and honest conversation and her telling me what was annoying her. I miss having her as a friend and it hurts to think that won't be an option anymore, so I hope this fixes it. But even if we hadn't had one good conversation, I would still try to be civil. For your own sanity's sake it's worth it. Having been in a situation where the roommate drama factory exploded and 2 roommates ended up in a screaming match so bad that the whole house was on edge for 3 weeks or so, it's best to just keep trying with the simple things. I completely understand you wanting to write her off completely when you leave and don't think that's bad of you AT ALL. She's not investing in the relationship so why should you? Unfortunately, because you're stuck with her for a bit more, you just have to deal with it as best you can. It might seem like a good idea to be childish or retaliate (I don't blame you) but it is unadviseable because of the potential for a volatile response on her end. Since she really is being awful, I doubt retailation will help.

I'm ABD so I don't have coursework. When I did, though, I wore nice jeans and tops to days where I just had class and nice outfits to teach. I'm young and short, so I have to be pretty aware of how I look to the students who aren't much younger than I am. Some people wore really casual stuff for teaching and got away with it but I just couldn't. For days where it's only office hours and I know I won't have anyone in my office hours, you will see me occasionally slumming in yoga pants and sweatshirts. I would say that's pretty consistently normal for female members of our department (grad students). Jeans and a t-shirt is pretty standard for everything but teaching, though. We aren't dressy people. I am often told I am overdressed. I would much rather be overdressed any time I have to actually talk to faculty members than wearing a pair of sweatpants with PINK on the butt (as comfy as they may be).

This is a great post. I think it's really harsh to call someone a "quitter" because they left or decided to transfer or just get a masters but I have seen people do it - awful people but still people. Every department and every subject will not work for every student - some of even the best students just don't want to do 5+ years of this stuff. The most brilliant person in my cohort took a Masters here, moved on to an Ivy, and now works for the government making bank and being happy. He determined he didn't want to go on for the PhD because he didn't like academia enough to stay. He is no very, very pleased with that choice. I have seen people struggle because they just don't know what else to do. I have a friend who may never finish his dissertation because he's simply not motivated. Is he smart? Yes! Absolutely! Is he dedicated? Not really. His heart is NOT in it at this point. He never wanted to do a PhD but decided to stick it out because the market was bad for MA students in his discipline. Now, he isn't sure what to do. It takes courage to know you don't want something. It takes strength to move on. And, really, if an adcomm or hiring committee doesn't like that you left x program, that's their problem. A guy from one of the top institutions in my discipline was here a couple of weeks ago and informed us that, yes, these programs know who the "hot messes" of the discipline are and tend to be pretty understanding about transfers or people fleeing one TT appointment to another. So, have no fear, it's not the end of the world.

This is excellent advice. I will remind myself of this with my roommate who thinks she can dictate my personal life a little too often. It hurts because we were very, very close before we moved in together and now two years down the road, we aren't. Friendships change but you just have to set boundaries and be respectful. Locking her out or being awful to the guy (who sounds like a miserable pain-in-the-you-know-what) isn't going to solve the problem. And, yes, while he may only be "just" emotionally abusive (which, BTW is actually a really painful thing, too), he could become really abusive. Having a more civil relationship can really be helpful to her when he starts to do things because if you are open with one another and appear to have a caring relationship, she will feel safe to confide in you. If you are always passive aggressive towards one another, it won't work out and she will feel alienated. At no point is this solely your responsibility. I'm sorry you're in this mess but if you do want the tense situation to improve, it looks like you will have to be the one to make the first move. She clearly doesn't seem to be moving that way.

I know nothing about MBA's but I don't see why not. You don't have kids and you likely have a supportive spouse, so I really think this could work out well (not that having kids would make it a no-go, it's just easier I'd imagine). I know people that went back to school for an MPA in a similar place in life and it paid off well. They were working a dead-end job (just a generally unhappy job) and it worked well for them to go back to school. They did night and weekend classes and graduated in about 3 years. My mom did something similar with going back to school even when she had a 12 and 16 year old. She still occasionally takes courses "just because" and work pays. She's 52 FTR and says it has made her happy. I would never tell someone not to go to grad school if they thought it would help their chances but i think you have to figure out the cost-benefit. I know nothing about CU's program but if you are really interested in that program you need to ask yourself a few things. One, will work pay or could you get a job that would pay for your MBA through a trainee program? These programs exist and you might want to seek them out. I have a friend with a marketing job that worked for a couple of years and then had her MBA paid for. Second, do you know of their flexibility - do you want to stay working? Will their schedule work for you? Third, what is their placement rate? For any MBA or MPA student, I would imagine this is key. How many graduate work in their chosen field post-grad and how soon do they find jobs? Our MPA program has some good placements and many people I know find jobs while still in school. I'd imagine an MBA program should look like this even more so.

My two cents: it's really unlikely you are going to find someone who 100% meets all of your criteria and I hope you're just being silly not serious on the "I don't want anyone to be in a relationship if I'm not" thing because a. that's really hard to deal with and b. it's kind of immature. Adulthood doesn't even out always - your friends will sometimes be in relationships and you won't. It's just life. I would say also to wait a couple of months. You will have more luck in April or May with people post on craigslist. I like the idea of a roommate agreement. We have one where no more than half of the nights can an SO stay over. That hasn't been an issue. My boyfriend is a grownup, has his place, and we're honestly there more often than not. Why bother my roommate if we have a place to ourselves? However, even with that, there are still hard feelings. My current roommate is not in a relationship and currently seems uphappy with me being happy. She is quite seriously in the vain of "I don't want you to be in a relationship if I am not". It sucks to be on the other side of that coin flip and it's a recipe for disaster. Life doesn't work like that. And, depending how old you are, within a year, you will find out a many of your friends are married, are getting married, or are having kids. And, in your program, a lot of them will be like this. You say you've tried online dating and to keep occupied and I think that's a great way to approach it - be active, meet people, stay entertained. The dating game can suck in grad school. And dating people in your program is often not the answer.

It could happen! I'm never around to bother my roommate. But if she was less opposed to anyone else using the kitchen or living room (or any common space), I probably would be around more often (often with the BF). Not every night. We both have lives elsewhere but at least a couple per week. That's pretty normal for most couples. So, that's something you need to consider. If you aren't completely honest (brutally so) now, you could end up with hurt feelings. It's better to live alone and have to exert more effort being social than to have to worry about your roommate all the time.

Don't move in with someone with the intention that they will A. always be around for these things and B. you are going to be friends. The best roommates sometimes are quiet ships passing in the night that really aren't around that much. You may find a friend to room with but it also may ruin your friendship. I am having that problem with my current roommate. She expects me to always be around. I've got a boyfriend and another set of friends, so I am not around much right now. She has made the situation really awkward and now it's hard to change that dynamic, so I spend even less time there. I love her to pieces but it's just so rough right now. I wish that we hadn't stressed our friendship with it and that her expectations were different. A roommate is not a friend or your mom or a protector. It could be the case that they are around a lot. It could be the case that they aren't. Just be aware of that. As for this girl you've met, I don't think you owe her anything. If you piss her off, so what? What's going to happen in the long run. No lease is signed and she still has plenty of time to find another person to room with. It seems like you have different budgets. You can't feel obligated to her if she isn't as flexible as you can be. It sucks. Don't be mean about it, just sit her down and explain how it is like an adult. If she gets upset or feels entitled to something, that's her problem. FWIW, I lived alone my first year and it was probably the best decision. I could afford it, so I did. Last year, my relationship with my BFF (and roommate) got really stressed because of something that happened in her life and I regretted signing the lease ever since. I can't help but think if I had moved out, she would have been mad in the short run but we could have salvaged it in the long run. Living with people can be good and bad.

I have a dog (clearly, see my avatar) and he was the best thing to happen to me in a really dark time where I was hating where I was living and my anxiety made me want to stay in all the time. He made me go out, walk, and be social. It wasn't about me anymore. I know dogs aren't for everyone but I didn't much have a choice thanks to my cat allergy. I've had horses and dogs in my life, so this wasn't odd to me. NOT having a dog was. Here are some things to consider. If you are in a lab situation like some people I know, you simply may not have the time. At the start of grad school, as well, if you are teaching and going to class during 12-13 hour days, you may feel like there isn't time either. I had those days. I would have to ensure I had a break for 1-2 hours to go home, take care of the dog, walk him, play with him, and then head back. Also, if you buy/adopt a puppy, you may hate your life. I couldn't imagine getting a young dog that wasn't housetrained and making it work. My dog was adopted with some known issues but housetraining wasn't an issue. Getting a dog that doesn't travel may not work well for you. I refused to get something I couldn't fit under the seat on an airplane because I didn't know what my life would look like in 5 years and I live a ways away from my family now. He only weighs about 8lbs and fits in a carryon for dogs. I don't like the idea of dogs in the hold. It makes me nervous. He also loves riding in the car. If that was an issue, it wouldn't have worked. I drive home for break too often. I suggest also getting a smaller dog because you won't be as limited by where you can live. Most apartments here ban dogs over 40 lbs and very few rent to dogs over 25 lbs. It's also prohibitively expensive to have a dog in some places period, so people have talked about that and I think it's wise to check out your options. And when it comes to food, I feed top-quality stuff and pay about $50.00 for a large bag every 3 months to feed him. It's cheaper to feed a little dog. Have a sitter in mind or know that your parents/family can take the animal if you get a great chance to leave the country for a fellowship or field research and you can't take the animal with you. I had to leave my dog for a summer semester while I did field research and while it was hard, he had a lot of fun with my parents and their dog. Not everyone has that relationship.

I'm late to the party since I just discovered all the fun stuff on this particular topic, but I agree with a lot of the suggestions here. My anxiety isn't attached to social situations like you describe but I have PTSD and OCD which can mean if things don't go to plan, I can be teetering on meltdown. What has helped me deal with this in regards to life, school and teaching? CBT. It's been an effing life-changer. I'm not only meds that directly address the OCD anymore because they also made me manic (yay Bipolar II) but I get a lot of bang for my buck with therapy. I do take Valium to sleep at night as-needed and Seroquel for mania. Neither do I take regularly anymore. I did for about 2 years, though. I am just doing so well I don't need them as often as I used to. Best advice in regards to teaching: be yourself. If you're a bit of a nerd, that's okay. They will respect you for it. They may think you're nerdy but, ultimately, that will endear them to you. I live in an area dominated by the Cards and announce when starting to teach any course that I am a Cubs fan in the "about me" thing I do on syllabus day. It's self deprecating, gets a laugh, and I can take a deep breath. Self-deprecating humor can relax the entire room. I don't get nervous about public speaking per-se but I do get nervous about saying the wrong thing or getting out of my own preferred order. It really bothers me and I worried about ritualizing a lot when I started lecturing years back. However, no one has ever commented on it. I used to do things like sort out my lecturn repeatedly or be anal retentive about handing out assignments, but it's gotten much better. And, it's never come up in a review!

I think sometimes your evals are completely appropriate based on how well a given section does. I can almost predict if I am teaching two sections of a lab course which one will give me great, helpful reviews and which will give me sour grapes. It happened two semesters in a row - predictably. One section was more engaged and more involved (regardless of grades) and the other one had tons of behavioral problems in it. Each semester this was the case. I tried not to read too much into it. My biggest problem was being taxed by a syllabus I did not design to do TOO much in one semester. In my second semester, I made my own schedule and I got much better reviews in regards to how much stuff we had to cover in a given lab. I focused more on applied stuff that mattered to the assignments and exams over random stuff the prof who had set up the syllabus found important. He had his reasons but he also wasn't teaching the labs with remedial students. As this was a required class, some students would take it 3 or even 4 times over to graduate and they usually just refused to do the work or really were just not up to the standard of the department in terms of studying and paying attention to detail. It slows you down. My reviews reflected that. PhD Applicant, you make an excellent point about reading. I read a lot of blogs I find on twitter and InsideHigherEd, which asks a lot of questions about how we are dealing with our undergrads. Every semester is something new. I used all I had learned to help make my syllabus work for me this semester again. I put more short articles on than long readings to generate debate - hopefully something that will come up (good or bad) on the reviews. This is how my classes looked at Indiana and I found it much more entertaining and manageable as a freshman. It meant that even though I may have been bored by the book that week, the short articles would be interesting. If you find yourselves ever feeling lost, you aren't alone. Faculty members teaching new courses or grad students tell me the same things apply even years into tenure. And, honestly, it could be worse. I had a prof in charge of the course I am teaching now in charge of me last semester who had less teaching experience than I did. Experience does bring wisdom and if you don't do things less-than-ideally, you will never find a better way.

Me, too, which is why I keep checking in even now. Do you guys all have twitter? Blogs? If so, and you're willing to share either here or in a PM, let me know and I will follow you. I'm overworked_ta on twitter.

I went up to Ottawa, where I established some contacts, etc. I asked them if they'd have me and they said yes. I also stayed with friends on the way to/from in the T-O. It was as much a vacation for me and my bike as it was about the Fulbright.

Bestbuy's warranty has always been a scam for people I know that buy it and CS friends of mine say the techs are a joke anyhow so I never purchase support from them. I would stick with apple care.

@gretch and @olioliwoo, Thanks! I'm trying to keep it more updated now that I have my own domain again. It's more freedom to do my own thing! It keeps me busy.

That's an awesome thing - the unexpected journey. I often wonder why things work out in ways I never planned and then I think about ending up in grad school, which was never the plan. And yet, I'm pretty happy right now teaching students and doing my own research. I never thought I'd fall in love with the person I did at the WRONG time (ie comps) but I couldn't be happier. Never thought I would ever end up enjoying teaching American Politics or stats either, but I do. It's a weird, weird world. The last year is nothing short of craziness but in a good way. Best of luck to everyone and their journeys.

Congrats again to all of the finalists! I really hope that things work out for you guys and you get to experience all teh things abroad I received some amazing support letters from my letter writers and the FPA last night when I sent out my "I'm sorry but I didn't get it" letter. I had that written before I even knew the results just in case. It made it easier to bow out gracefully if nothing else. Honestly, my life is much less complicated this way and while it would have been awesome, everything works out one way or the other. I've been offered some sort of position with the fellowship office here if the grant money can be found to help review applications for various fellowships for undergrads since the FPA said I was such a pleasure to work with. It will be great experience. I've learned so much. Sent an email to my contacts in Ottawa and I will press on elsewhere. There's no time to stop. This train just keeps moving. For those of us who didn't get it, you have to realize how you have already set yourself apart from your peers in effort alone. It's never a waste to shoot high. Think about how much better you can write other apps and sit through other interviews now. You will move on even more than competitive. That's what everyone is telling me today and that's what I'm going to go with. Very rarely do I "fail" at anything and despite this being my biggest academic "failure", I just refuse to see it that way.

Yeah congrats. To those youngins who still have time, apply again! Lots of people have told me that. Unfortunately this time next year I will hopefully have an academic job waiting for me or at least possibilities and be set to graduate in a few months.

Not recommended. Congrats to everyone who is moving forward.

Mojodreams, I'm so sorry to hear that I've heard nothing.