Scantronphobia

Yep--I agree that going for a second bachelors is not worth your time. I returned after about the same amount of time--a couple of the professors I wanted to work with advised me to get some grad level coursework and then apply. So I did and got into the programs I had in mind. Plus I had fresh recommenders, which counts for a lot.

Yesss! I totally agree with this, and this is the source of my frustration--the reason I posted #3. I don't, however, have quite the number of responsibilities that you do, though, avflinsch. Ditto here, justanotherlostgrrl! And the part about the drinking: I'm not talking about one or two at lunch or social drinking. I'm talking about self-medicating before class, maybe to get through said class. Not going to say anything to anyone about their choices, of course, but just wondering if this practice cuts across campuses and disciplines.

Has anyone noticed the younger students in your program doing any of the following? 1. Comparing their work/grades with that of their peers constantly 2. Doing so with the intention of finding out how they stand in relation to everyone else 3. Making more work for other graduate students by organizing study groups, peer review, or other voluntary, non-assessed duties. 4. Drinking before class If so, please share your experiences and thoughts on these behaviors. Are they normal? So abnormal that I should be concerned? A millennial thing?

Yeah--I hear you on the relationships. I do not talk about my age because I do not want to widen that divide, but it is clear that I am much older than your average phd student. I do not get the mentoring requests, though either. To be honest I am not sure where I belong, socially. Which is a problem when you are talking about word of mouth opportunities, recommendations, and other professional opportunities that can boost your career. One thing that has been drummed into me with my program is that we are encouraged--no, expected--to participate in social-professional gatherings. The message is that even those things that can seem just social turn out to be professional in some way because you are interacting with your professional colleagues. Anyway, I'd be interested to hear others' takes on this.

Hi--good luck in your application process! Yeah--I wonder how much my age played a part in the admissions process. I don't know what admissions teams think about the stigmas, disadvantages, or advantages of an older applicant. And I also wonder how they feel now that I'm sitting in their classes, knowing that I may be close to--and maybe even a little older--than their ages. Anyway, I think the most important thing is to show that you've got an active intellectual curiosity and are open to new ideas and ways of doing things. What do others think??

Hmm--this is interesting--so these students are not interested in parsing nuance? In a grad program? I'm not sure that's related to age. I feel like that is a key activity in grad school--although there are days when I've had enough of thinking and just want to watch a stupid movie. All to say, don't take it personally. Even if it is an age difference thing, I like to think that the extra years I've spent on Earth have at least brought a sense of authority and understanding to my perspective that younger people don't yet have. Embrace it--they'll look to you as a leader and an inspiration, even if you aren't a regular in the bars.

Looks like everyone has been busy with no new posts in a while, but I'd like to check back in and see how it's all going for everyone on this thread. I'm getting more comfortable with being an older member of the graduate student body, although I still am not comfortable telling my age (and I'm not sure that would even be wise since it might only serve as a distraction for people who try to "figure" people out). Here's what the problem might be: I am starting to feel younger. I'm enjoying myself, and I don't have any children, so I can pretty much keep up the same lifestyle--'cept for the digestion. Is this a problem? I've come to the conclusion that maybe I'm just immature, and that's why it took me so long to get here, and now that I'm here, I don't feel all that much older than most people, even though the difference is generally 12+ years....

Okay--so I am in a really hard program. And I'm happy to be working with my first choice advisor out of all the people at all the schools I applied to. And this person is an impressive researcher--very accomplished and respected in the field. But I am having some doubts. This advisor will say, "I will look at your work and get back to you." And then after not hearing back for a week, I have to schedule a meeting to get that feedback, which is usually helpful, pretty broad, and never heavy handed. As you all know, however, time is important when you're playing Beat the Clock during every semester of grad school, trying to crank out brilliance (hah!) as you labor beneath a pile of research and reading you have to complete by week's end. On the other hand, the advisor seems to like the work I am doing. I get emails sometimes out of the blue with information that might be helpful to me, and that is encouraging, like I'm not just a blip on the screen. And now, after a semester of, "don't worry, you're doing fine," I have had to ask for an extension, which was granted if I need it. This makes me feel like a failure, like I can't do the work in the time allotted. While I have never had an advisor that I would describe as amazing, I have had a truly bad advisor in the past: someone who forgot about our meetings, who hardly ever got back to me despite polite, carefully timed emails to jog the advisor's memory. I worked as hard to get this advisor to help me as I did doing the work itself. I said that I would never again put myself through that. So to the point of this post: I am psychically tired. I am overwhelmed. I do not have the energy to force someone to help me. The problem is, I feel like I am not sure whether this person is a bad advisor or not. So I ask all of you to tell me about your experiences. What are the hallmarks of a bad advisor? Of a good one? Are there any warning signs I should be looking out for?

Yes--I agree. I don't think that they are concerned, and maybe they don't have to be, legally speaking. Having read FERPA rules, they are pretty loose and only apply under certain conditions of funding. Even if they do not apply to my program, I don't think that students' personal data should be casually shared, even by word of mouth (which is, btw, excluded from some FERPA rules). This program is stressful enough without the unvarnished--whatever it is--that is going on...

So I am finding out that my program has some issues relating to FERPA, but I am not sure if they are enforceable. Like a complete lack of discretion with issues surrounding personal student data/financial info/etc. Has anyone come across this? Sort of poisons the atmosphere to know everything about everyone. Super competitive ethos+hierarchical funding+lack of discretion=?

' Hi--I'm interested to know what the profs said about getting a doctorate at that age?

I just came to this thread from the "Older Students" thread, having posted something much more in keeping with this one! I don't want to reiterate or belabor any points that I made over in the other thread, and I certainly don't want to seem like misery that loves company, but it does help me to feel less like such an odd duck that others are going through the same thing. It's hard to admit that one feels socially inept or awkward or--gasp--to consider the possibility that one might be unlikeable (this refers only to me, not to anyone on this list--I'd say that the Grad Cafe folks are a likable bunch). And yet it is also hard to see how I can work to change the situation. Everyone seemed to make friends so quickly; my cohort are hardly the socially-awkward academics one hears about. And I did feel that I worked hard not to be left out, and we've had a few really fun times. But they seem to be tapering off, so it must be something that I've done, or said, or that I was born long, long ago? NavyMom, I empathize with your wanting to make friends. I've changed life paths to go back to school. I have disassociated myself from the life I had before; it no longer worked for me--never did, really--and with that have shed the acquaintances I gathered along the way, even burned some bridges that led nowhere I wanted to go. And now, I can't think of anything I had rather be doing, for any amount of money. I am, as they say, living the dream (funny as that may sound to some). With that dream, I'd like some real friends, lifelong friends with whom I can share this new journey. I can only hope that all of us can find what we are searching for. To me, success is best enjoyed in the company of others.

I'm so glad to have this thread, too, and glad to see so many new posts! I've begun a program this year and suspect that I am the oldest of my cohort (by about a generation). Our department encourages really close ties, but I have found it difficult so far because of the age difference--I don't get invited to a lot of private gatherings where unofficial dept. business gets discussed. Not to rule out the possibility that I am creepy, but I suspect the age difference is largely responsible. I remember feeling a bit awkward when I was their age and there was a couple around my age now in the program I was in then. It never occurred to me to invite them to hang out. Now I'm on the receiving end. Karma, I know, but any ideas about addressing this issue, or just dealing with it are welcome....

These are wise words.

Except for the depression trigger (but now I am not so sure), you've just described my own experience. Really, really well.