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About Xanthophobiac

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  • Location
  • Application Season
    2016 Fall
  • Program
    Fine Arts

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329 profile views
  1. That's all useful perspective and I can't say I disagree with it. The problem is when you are unemployed and have no resources you tend to actually have less time to study or train techniques. Particularly when you are dependent on other peoples schedules or income. Saving money is nearly impossible when your entire savings can be wiped out by something as minimal as a new prescription. My biggest hope about going to graduate school was that I would be able to afford to live in a larger area, buy new equipment, and so on with loans or other tuition assistance. There is no federal assistance available for me to go to community college, and even if I did they won't teach me anything I don't already know. What I can learn online is limited to when I have access to a computer and a quiet learning environment, which is also limited due to my current living situation. I can't just move out on my own without some form of support. While I agree that staying out of debt is a good thing, staying in a perpetual state of never building any skills or work experience is not. I don't see a way to do that without incurring some amount of debt. All of my research keeps bringing me back to the conclusion that the only way I can borrow enough money to even attempt a chance at life is to go to graduate school.
  2. Thanks, I downloaded Blender and SketchUp a while back. My computer doesn't load either of them particularly well and crashes if I try to do anything else while Blender is on. Yes, I am aware that these types of businesses are popping up all over the country. My point is they do not provide (or even sell) supplies, do pass it off as an actual class, do not pay the teacher, and for a while they didn't even pay rent for a building because they did in a public hall. It is basically a business where the person putting it together buys a cheap box of wine, some cheese, and crackers, and walks away with a couple thousand dollars (if not more) for having someone else teach because "it looks good on their resume." I am actually a little shocked that no one has had the line, "Please do this for me because it looks good on your resume." Which is almost always complete bull. If you aren't a major player in the art/design world and you are asking me to put tens (sometimes even hundreds) of hours into something for free because "it will look good on my resume" you are being cheap and exploitative. In fact, in reflection that mentality is probably my biggest setback right now, I cannot afford to do things for free when I am paying for the hardware, software, paints, travel expenses, etc.
  3. Thanks, for the encouragement from everyone, it means a lot. I have attempted posting pieces of my story to relevant forums for the last few years and people are not always so kind or thoughtful. I say this with the utmost sincerity, you guys have delivered by far the best responses. Even if I have not gotten a complete answer to my problems I at least know I am on the same page as far as what I should be looking at. To be fair, it is all about framing. People do not look at art as something someone put time into, they look at it as a picture they can get at Walmart for $5. If you point out that those types of things are mass produced and are not the same as individual commission and that they would not accept $0.05 an hour for work that they do.. You can usually convince them the person who fleeced you was the jerk in the situation. However if you are not there to defend yourself, it goes the other way quickly. Just thought I would tell an anecdotal story about just how bad it is in this community. There is a business in town (which has actually done so well it expanded into a second location two counties over) that does "art lessons" with wine and snacks. They finish up these "paintings" in about two hours, which basically amount to something like paint with colors only worse. What's worse is they get high school students or kids from the community college to do these "lessons" for free. Each class is somewhere between $45-$150 an hour and *does not* include supplies, normally about 10-25 people go to these classes but sometimes it is over 50. I despise this business. Not only does it convince naive people that art is a talent and not a skill, because they come out with bad paintings, it promotes not paying artists and minimizes the role of teaching. Yet anytime I bring up the fact that I despise this business, I get attacked. The only way I can ever get people to see my line of thinking is to ask them how they would feel if a similar business model was put forth in their field.
  4. Resources for me are limited in this regard. Like I said, I tried my best, I reached out to former professors and got a thumbs up and thumbs down on certain pieces. Same goes for my resume. However, I have no way of knowing or not if that was worthwhile advice. I purposefully picked the professors I knew were the best qualified but even then they are mostly teachers first and artists/designers second. As for my VR program helping me get in touch with someone.. I'll share a story about that. They have sent me to four different people over the years. The first told me flat out they could not help me, they had no background in this field, I appreciated them the most. The others have all candidly told me (without me even prompting them) that they exclusively help one of two people, post adolescents who are on the low functioning spectrum, and displaced workers who do not have a high school degree. One of them even told me that the only help they could give me was to travel to every business in my immediate area, tell everyone who I am by name, and tell them how "special" I am (with extra emphasis on the word special) and how hiring a "special" person helps the community because everyone feels better. I honestly believe that a cat could run across my keyboard and create a better resume than any of the people they have sent me to over the years ever could. Well, I have thought about this, for precisely the reason you suggested. The thing is, I don't know what the best way to go about doing this is. My rational is that my disabilities are typically pretty easy to hide, especially to someone during an initial interview or whatnot. I try my best to get along during a class or the few unpaid jobs I have had without bringing attention to it until it is absolutely necessary. My reasoning behind this is pretty much, like clockwork, the second I explain that I have limitations or a disability, is the second I get treated differently. I cannot even begin to describe the stigma that is involved and how much worse it is to acknowledge this than not come out with it. If I post a kickstarter, I need help from someone who knows what they are doing and can use just the right phrases and marketing that I won't label myself online publicly so everyone who does a google of my name automatically shreds my application because I am "special". Of course I could forego the mentioning of a disability altogether, but that looses the sympathetic factor and possibly makes people question why I have not just "pulled myself up from my own bootstraps" uprooted my life and moved to a major metropolitan area to get things started on my own. If you want specific information on where I live, you can PM me. I have already probably given out more information than I should on a public forum for as critical as I have been.. Haha.
  5. Yeah, I used Lynda.com when I was at a community college an hour or so away from here. It was extremely helpful, and I asked my Vocational Rehabiliation Program about getting a subscription and a higher speed internet connection so I could stream the videos and load the software simultaneously. They have refused to that. As far as I can tell online resources will not work until I have funding from somewhere or am able to relocate (which of course costs money if you aren't accepted into a program with financial aid). As for a portfolio, I have a number of free online options that I have been using. Maybe it is just me but I do not think those look as professional and are perhaps a turn off to employers? Maybe it is that they don't have enough options for separating media so things are not presented coherently or as easy to access? Maybe it is just that I do not have a strong enough portfolio. I really do not know. It is frustrating because I know far more about the topic than anyone locally, so I cannot ask for help. However I do not have all of the information or even someone to reach out to about putting together my strongest pieces or pieces that relate to what people are currently looking for.
  6. Well, that is one way of going about things.. It has been a while since I looked into but I do not think there are any lawyers who would represent me. The closest city that might even have someone who specializes in something like that is probably 3-4 hours away in a neighboring state. If I wanted someone within my state, I would probably have to travel 16 hours by car. Which of course I do not have, which means bus tickets and other expenses I do not have, particularly to try and get less than $100 out of someone. That is not taking into consideration I live in a town where literally everyone knows everyone else. The second I take someone to small claims court is the second I no longer get work, or my mother who financially supports me the best she can loses her job. I have asked my states Vocational Rehabilitation program to help me find an agent to represent me in finding work or hire an attorney to help write contract templates but they basically told me my Bachelors degree automatically makes me qualified for full time (non contract) work in my field so I do not need anything else. That was two years ago, and I still have not had any luck finding work.. Heh..
  7. Thank you for your quick reply. Yes, I have done most of the tutorials on codecademy and it has not helped with finding employment. They are not mutually the skills I am looking for, in fact I am primarily interested in learning about animation, 3D modeling, and human anatomy for my Illustration work. My community college does not have any classes involving any Adobe programs or coding, as I already mentioned all they have is drawing and painting classes and one photography class. In regards to the Adobe suite, primarily I am interested in brushing up on Photoshop, Illustrator, and InDesign while learning how to use Flash. I cannot afford to upgrade my computer until I first find work. 90% of the freelance work I find has an end result of the client backing out of payment after I have finished the product for them. I do not have any background in writing contracts or how I would even enforce something like that.
  8. Long time lurker, first time poster. The reason I am posting is because I keep trying to find answers but I have so many problems and hope perhaps someone else had a similar situation or knows of something I have not tried. I have a BFA with a concentration in Illustration and a minor in Graphic Design. When I was in undergrad every time I went to my adviser (who also happened to be the dean of the art department) about something I did not feel I was learning their stock answer was almost always "go to grad school." Me: "I need help with a website to showcase my portfolio and jobs in graphic design seem to require web design and coding skills." Answer: "Go to grad school." Me: "These internships I'm applying to seem to require more life drawing classes and a better understanding of human anatomy." Answer: "Go to grad school." Me: "Entry level jobs require a proficiency in the Adobe Suite and I also seem to need a knowledge of 3D rendering software." Answer: "Go to grad school." When I tried transferring no school would accept enough credits from the university I attended for me to complete a degree before financial aid ran out. My school had no placement office, no alumni working in their field, no job board, nothing... What is worse is that I am disabled. There are not many jobs I can physically do outside of my field. I have applied to over 400 jobs and only gotten two interviews over the last four years. To be clear part of the reason I initially chose the university I went to was location, which was best for my disability at that time, though I am confident I could go to a better school now. My income is limited and most goes to pay for utilities and rent, the rest goes to food and prescriptions. I cannot afford things like a better computer, higher speed internet, or software updates to teach myself these skills. Furthermore, I live in a rural community with no public transportation. I do not have enough money to purchase a car. I spent the last year looking into graduate programs that would best fit my situation. I came up with ten schools I wanted to apply to. Of those only two waived my application fee and a third implied they would only charge me after making a decision. Right now it appears I did not make the cut for any schools. I have gotten two rejection letters and the third school has called other people for interviews but not me. I do not have the money to go to a residency program or to earn a second bachelors degree. The community college only offers the most basic level of classes in drawing and painting, nothing involving computers. Part of the reason graduate school is appealing is my limited income would not be as big of a factor since I can still receive financial aid for a higher degree and most universities have policies that help disabled students find work they are capable of doing for extra income. Even if I could find money I wonder if residency programs are required to abide by the ADA or Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act? For laymen, those are the laws that say you must accommodate a disability. Residency programs don't seem to receive federal or state aid, which indicates to me they probably do not need to follow these laws. Normally I try to avoid asking for accommodations whenever possible, but just having the option in case something potentially dangerous presents itself means a lot to me. This is also my biggest fear about studying abroad, since most countries do not have an equivalent to the U.S.'s ADA. Please understand I wanted to try and keep this as anonymous as possible because these are not things I try to broadcast about myself when I apply for work or schools. Because of this I would rather not share a portfolio or more specific information publicly. If you seem confident that you could help me find a solution but need to see some of my work, please send me a private message. As I just said these are difficult topics for me to discuss so try to refrain from rude or condescending comments, I am trying my best to make something out of my life and frankly I am scared.
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