angesradieux

Thanks. I actually have the opposite problem. One school I'm visiting is in a place that's kind of cold, and I'm fine there. When I dress up, I tend to like layers. I'm pretty comfortable going to a place where I can wear all the sweaters, vests, jackets, etc. I like without having to worry. But I'm visiting two schools that are further south and a bit warmer than what I'm used to. I hate short sleeves, but I'm not sure whether I can get away with long sleeves or short sleeves plus a sweater or jacket without overheating. I bought skirts that should be a bit cooler than my jeans, but we'll see. I'm usually fine with just being hot in jeans and stuff in the warm weather, but I don't think I want to be all sweaty when I meet professors, so I may have the rethink my "heatstroke before short sleeves" stance. It's weird. I'm totally okay wearing t-shirts, but put me in a blouse that shows my arms and I feel like I want to go crawl in a hole and hide. Maybe it's because if I'm in a t-shirt I'm usually not really trying to impress anyone.

I might do that. I have a friend who teaches voice at another store who I trust to take good care of my voice students. The only thing is that if the store finds out that I've recommended students go elsewhere, I have to be prepared to cut all ties with them and burn the bridge. The store expects to keep all students, whether the teacher stays or goes. I hear them talk about how underhanded it is when a teacher decides to teach elsewhere and their students follow all the time. Which is stupid. Teaching is based on personal relationships, not location. If my teacher were to move, I'd follow. If they were to stop teaching and recommended I go elsewhere, I would. But the store I work for doesn't see it that way. Their attitude is "We booked the student for you. Since we found them, they're our students, we just let you teach them while you're here." I have no plans of going back, so it shouldn't be a problem. I'm just a little hesitant to completely burn bridges. But it's tough since we really only have one voice teacher, and he and I have totally different styles of teaching. I wouldn't say he's a bad teacher, but it's a very different approach to singing. There are a couple others who can teach voice, but it isn't their primary area of interest or expertise, so it's kind of like a "Well, I can if I have to" deal, and I honestly don't know what they're like as voice teachers. So I'm not sure there's anyone I'd really endorse. Piano is easier--there are like eight other teachers, and I really only take beginners whereas many of the other teachers take all levels, so placing piano students shouldn't be as much of an issue. I don't know. Maybe I'll just burn the bridge and be done with it. Or I'll try to very quietly talk to parents about it and hopefully they'll just tell the store they've decided not to continue. I also know, though, that last time a teacher left the store handled it like a bunch of jerks. Apparently they had the replacement they started introducing the replacement they'd hired to students before the teacher who was retiring had a chance to tell her students. At least one kid was totally blindsided and I think started crying, parents got upset, and it became a frustrating and difficult situation for the teacher who was leaving, who was put in the situation of having to do some damage control rather than breaking the news to her students gently and on her own terms. And, given the store's idea that the students are actually theirs, they tried to just give all the other teacher's students to the replacement they hired without talking to anyone to find out if the parents had preferences or the other teacher had recommendations. it was a disaster--the teacher who was leaving was frustrated over how it was handled, kids got upset, parents weren't happy, and her replacement ended up quitting before she even started because the store promised her all of those students and couldn't follow through because--shocker--parents were more comfortable switching to a familiar face they'd seen around the store than an entirely unknown entity. Remembering what a mess they made of things the last time is also kind of stressing me out. I don't know. I may be colossally overthinking it. I'm just not good at dealing with people who are upset, and historically when teachers leave, people have gotten upset.

I have visit days for three programs coming up and I'm crazy stressed over it. When I go, I really want people to like me, and I guess I'm a bit afraid that when POIs at various schools actually see me in person there will be a moment of "Wow... She looked good on paper... How did we end up with this?" Then, naturally, they'll all experience buyer's remorse and start to regret ever having made me an offer, setting the tone for five or more awkward and unpleasant years with an underlying theme of "How in God's name did I end up with you?" Unlikely? Probably. But among the scenarios I've managed to concoct in my anxiety-induced paranoia. One of the (admittedly superficial, but still probably kind of important) things I'm a bit concerned about is what to wear. In the last week, I've spent much more than I probably should have on clothes, because I'm afraid what I already have won't make a good first impression. I've bought some blouses, skirts, and some nice shoes. But, I'm a jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers kind of girl with no measurable sense of style. I don't typically spend much time putting together outfits. So now I'm like "Er... Okay. I have new clothes. Did I get the right clothes?" Anyone have any advice on what people typically wear to these things? Or any other tips that might help me not make a total idiot of myself? I'm probably just fixating on clothes because I can fix that. If they've overestimated my intellect, there's not much I can do about that... Anyway, advice, suggestions, etc. would be much appreciated.

Don't give up quite yet. I think a number of programs were a bit late in releasing decisions this year, so not having heard may not mean anything. Hang in there! Hopefully you'll get some good news soon.

I think a lot of people do the same thing. On the one hand, it's great because you have plenty of time to prepare for a retake if you aren't happy with your results. On the other, if you don't retake it, your free reports are almost definitely going to be wasted. But, that's probably why they make it a "do it now or pay up later" thing--they know most people will either be too paranoid to send it immediately or take the test early and not have a final list yet. In either case, they end up making much more money than they probably would if they gave us some time to claim the free reports. They're evil.

Unfortunately, teaching is my only job at the store. I could let the students know a month in advance, I'm just a little afraid of losing a whole month's pay. On the one hand, it's not a given that they'll stop with me as soon as I tell them. There may be some who decide they want to stick it out with me until I leave. On the other, some may decide that they'd rather make the change sooner rather than later. So I guess it's a gamble. A lot of them don't take the summer off. It would be much easier if they did, because then I'd just let them know in June that I wouldn't be back in the fall, and that would give them plenty of time. Most of them stay, which makes it a little bit trickier. I guess I'll just plan on giving them a month's notice, expect less income for that last month, and hope at least some of them decide to stick with me until I leave. It's just hard not to feel bad. Especially the voice students--we have a bunch of piano teachers, but not so many voice teachers.

Thanks for the info. Sorry to hear about your rejections. I'm just twitching a little because I just want everything to be official. I thought the unofficial acceptance would end the paranoia, but nope. Just sent it away on a short vacation, and now it's back full force. I agree that the cost of sending the GRE scores is ridiculous. I know they offer four free reports when you take the exam, but I took the exam over the summer and I didn't really finalize my list of schools until the fall, because after reaching out to professors, there was one who just said he wasn't taking grad students, others that said I was welcome to apply, but our interests didn't really match up so the fit wasn't great, I learned there actually was someone who would be a good fit at a school I'd previously written off, etc. So when all was said and done, most of my free score reports were wasted on schools that I thought I'd be applying to when I took the exam, but ended up being removed from/replaced on the list for various reasons and I had to pay to send all but one score report. With what they charge for the exam, I think it's a little ridiculous that you only get four free score reports and only if you send them as soon as you finish the exam. I'd even be happier if they kept the number at four, but gave you six months to claim them or something, so you wait until the deadlines are closer and you have a more finalized list of schools.

I'd say it's probably a good idea to go. If nothing else, you can talk to current grad students to get an idea of what the area's like, cost of living, etc. You can find that information online or over e-mail, but you'll probably get a more complete picture from being there, which could be helpful while planning the move. It might also be beneficial to reach out to faculty and see if they're available during the admitted student weekend. I find communicating with people via e-mail is very different from the experience of a face to face conversation, so the best way to see what they're really like is to go. Maybe being there, talking to people, and looking around will just confirm your feeling that this is the school for you. However, if you go and something strikes you as not quite right--maybe a professor looks fantastic on paper, but you get the vibe that they're difficult to work with, or if students seem disgruntled, or you get to this place and you just don't see yourself living there--you first have the opportunity to talk to people and potentially address some concerns, should they arise, and second, should there be anything you're not quite sure of, you have time to think and weigh your options before committing to the program. Traveling is expensive, but if you can swing it, I think it's probably worth it, if nothing else so you can say with greater certainty that this is what you want. However, I'm also really bad at making decisions and committing to things. If you're less prone to waffling and second guessing things than I am, maybe the visit isn't actually all that important for you. I just know that personally, if I were to not visit at all, or only visit schools X, and Y, but not Z, I'll always be wondering if I would have made a different choice if I'd gone out to look around and meet people at school Z. I'll probably still have second thoughts no matter how informed my decision is, but visiting before committing to anything means there's one less "what if" scenario I can torment myself with later on.

It's basically a given that I'm moving at the end of the summer, so my days at work are numbered. Knowing this, even though it's months away, I'm starting to feel a little bit guilty about not saying anything. But, I still need the income, so I feel like I really can't say anything yet without jeopardizing my financial situation. The store I work for hasn't been overly kind to me in the past, so if this just involved the manager, I'd have no problem riding it out and giving my two week's notice when the time comes. However, I teach private music lessons, so I'm working predominantly with kids, some of whom have been taking lessons with me for over a year at this point. I remember how devastated I was when my first voice teacher moved. I also remember the tears and upset when another teacher at the store I work with had to retire. Now, I'm not my first voice teacher or the other teacher who retired. I think it would probably be a bit arrogant to assume that the level of attachment to me is the same as it was to either of those two women. At the same time, I've known these kids for a while, and I can see where after seeing me every week for over a year, me leaving might come as a bit of a shock. Plus, some of them have stuck with me even when the store was going through some tough times. We had to move out of our old location suddenly and basically we spent two months teaching in an open space, with "rooms" sectioned off by cardboard boxes. It was a nightmare, and I fully expected all of my students to leave, because I wouldn't have been comfortable taking lessons behind a cardboard box, where you could hear every conversation and every other lesson going on in the store. But, a bunch of them stuck with me, and there were a couple students who, when the store offered a discount because of the situation, paid me in full, anyway, and said the location didn't matter because the teachers were still the same. I guess the fact that they were loyal enough to stick it out through that mess and many of them were really kind about not raising a fuss, I feel even more guilty about waiting to long. In short, I don't want to blindside the kids, and I'm not sure if two weeks is enough. Because of limited availability of rooms, It might also take some maneuvering for them to get a spot with another teacher if they want to continue lessons at the store, and I don't want to leave them high and dry without a teacher and unable to schedule lessons with someone new. I guess I'm trying to figure out how to navigate the situation in a way that's fair to my students, but also doesn't leave me without an income for a significant period of time and render me incapable of paying my student loan and credit card bills. I guess it's hitting me now because I'm taking time off to visit schools, and when I tell students and parents that I'm not going to have to miss two lessons, I get the inevitable, "Oh? Doing something fun? Where are you going?" It's all well meaning conversation, and so far I've just told them the city I'm visiting and letting them assume it's a vacation or something, but then the guilt of knowing that I'm actually essentially working on picking out a new place to live. Is anyone else in a similar situation of feeling guilty at work? Any advice on how/when to approach the subject? I'm just not sure what time frame (if such a time frame exists) gives kids sufficient notice, gives them time to work out scheduling with another teacher if they so desire, and also doesn't destroy my bank account.

Congrats on the acceptance! Anyone hear anything official from Vanderbilt? I've been contacted by faculty and about the visit days, but the first professor I heard from reached out to me over a week ago, but I still haven't gotten an official letter yet. I'm starting to get a little concerned. I'm trying to tell myself they wouldn't have wasted the time contacting me about visit days if things were still up in the air, but in the back of my mind I'm starting to wonder if maybe they've changed their mind about me.

I'll look into it. The good thing is once I start going on visits, I'll have time to myself to think about what I want without her input. I'm sure she'll have a million and two things to say when I get back, but at least when I'm actually visiting I won't have anyone influencing my perceptions. Right now, I think I might have started leaning towards the school my mom would least like to see me go to. When I told her about my acceptance there and started talking about planning a visit, she got confused and told me she didn't think that this school was a serious contender and wasn't sure why I was visiting when I had other offers. I only applied to four programs, and she knew that. With a list that small, they were all serious contenders. But, I haven't visited yet, so I'm not totally sold on it. So I suppose I'll cross that bridge if I come to it.

I may look into it. I'm not too sure what the price range is for repairs, though. With all the President's Day sales, I'm not sure if it wouldn't be cheaper to buy a new pair of shoes. Would be nice to get a few more uses out of them before retiring them, though.

The heels of my shoes wear unevenly -.- I was out today and we did a lot of walking, and my feet started killing me in shoes that I can usually wander around in without a problem. I had no idea why. Suddenly at the end of the day, I was standing around, and I realized I was having a hard time staying balanced. What do you know? The heels had become uneven, causing my feet to twist with each step. Guess I have to replace them now, because I can't walk very much in them anymore. I'm a bit annoyed. These are my go-to shoes when I need to wear a heel. But I guess it also explains why my hips started hurting. Poor alignment for an extended period of time will do that, I guess. I can't be too annoyed, though. I got to go to New York to see what was the best performance of The Phantom of the Opera--a musical which literally changed my life and is a big part of the reason I'm where I am, applying for PhD programs--that I've ever had the pleasure of witnessing. So I guess the day was worth the irritation of the pain and ruined shoes, but I'm still a little sad about having to replace them.

Thanks. I told her on campus housing was expensive. She didn't believe me and looked up housing prices at one of the schools I'm considering. And then she started going on about how it wouldn't be expensive if I had a roommate, and I should have a roommate, because she thinks it would be a huge mistake for me to live alone. Apparently she thinks I can't handle living by myself and will end up having a mental breakdown? When she started looking up on campus housing prices, I was like can we please just take a step back? I haven't even visited these schools yet, much less committed to one. I'm not doing the whole apartment hunting thing when I don't even know what state I'm going to end up in. I don't know. I know it's a big decision, and I'm not opposed to getting advice. I just wish she'd let me ask for it when I want to talk. Because the other issue is I don't want to be thinking about logistics all the time, which is what ends up happening when I keep getting jumped on. I'd like to have time to take a step back, relax, and think about other things. Yes, visits are coming up. Yes, it's going to be hectic. And yes, eventually decisions do have to be made. But I don't necessarily think I need to figure everything out immediately. At one point today she asked me when I planned on moving. I'm like how am I supposed to know? I don't know what school I'm going to, when leases start, or even when classes begin. I presume it will be the end of August, but beyond that? I have no clue. But she wants a ballpark estimate so she can get tickets for a show in August. But I honestly have no idea specifically when in August this is going to be happening. I can't possibly know that yet. I still live at home so unfortunately I can't really get away from the constant harping on me about grad school decisions. I may just start spending a lot of time at the mall.

Apparently my mom has an opinion on literally everything. I don't even know where I'm going to school yet, and she's already trying to dictate my life. I've been hearing nonstop about how I need to live in the dorms my first year, and now she's also decided I have to have a roommate my first year. Great. Except I have a cat. Currently, I'm planning on bringing him with me wherever I go, which probably rules out the on campus housing. It also may make the whole roommate thing tricky, because if I were to have a roommate, it would have to be someone okay with my cat. So my plan was to look for one bedroom apartments. When I finally cut into her lecture, mentioning my cat, she goes "Well, I know he's important to you, but you can't let him be a significant factor in your decision." What? He has to be a factor. If I were to move and be unable to take him with me, then what? Would my sister take care of him? I honestly don't know. And if not, then what? I got him as a kitten when I was in middle school. I'm not putting him in a shelter. Of course I'm going to think about him when I'm making decisions about the future. Next she started telling me about how she doesn't think I should have my car with me. Keep in mind, I don't know where I'm going and I haven't seen any of the cities. Let's say there is pet friendly grad housing or I find an apartment that's walking distance from campus that I can afford. Okay. What about everything else? What if I need to go to a doctor and I can't walk? Or what if the grocery store is a bit of a distance? I don't know what the public transportation's like. Without having a better idea of what these places are like, I don't know. Maybe parking's a nightmare and it's best not to have a vehicle. Or maybe it's hard to get around and it's not feasible to not have a car. That's not something I have a clear idea of right now, and hearing the whole spiel about why I should leave my car behind is stressing me out. Plus, again, I'm thinking about my cat. I could drive everywhere I'm considering. Some would be really long, miserable drives, but it's doable. And if that's the case, I'd probably be more comfortable bringing my cat with me in the car rather than putting him through the stress of flying. I've never been in a position where I've had to fly with an animal. I know some people do it, but I'm not sure how I'd feel about that. Frankly, though, I'm not really ready to start thinking about that yet. I don't even have the financial details from every school yet. I'm not really in a position where I can start making these decisions just yet, and hearing the whole spiel about how my mom is much wiser than I am, knows what's best for me, and has decided that I'm going to do x, y, and z is making me crazy. And it doesn't even stop there. She's critiquing my outfits for when I go on visits. Apparently jeans are forbidden? And I need to go shopping for some suits. I like my jeans. I planned on dressing up a little bit, like with nice tops and jackets and stuff. I wasn't going to go in with sneakers, jeans, and my grumpy cat t-shirts, or anything. But I certainly didn't plan on business attire, either. I really think that would be overkill. Then, she started going on about how my clothes aren't feminine enough for one particular school I'm visiting. Meanwhile, a week ago she told me I shouldn't wear dresses because that would be overkill. Which is it? Do I need to buy business attire and be super feminine, or is a dress too much? I guess it's nice that she's taking an interest, but some of the advice is starting to feel like micromanaging, and then she gives me contradictory advice, and it's largely unsolicited. I'm reaching a point where I'd really like to just have some time and space to think about things on my own. On the one hand, I'm glad she's open to talking, because I'm sure after I go on visits there are going to be things I want to talk about. But, I wish that the conversation was less of a one-sided lecture about what I should be doing and more of a dialogue helping me weigh different options and talk through what I want in my future, and I also wish that once in a while she'd wait for me to come to her instead of pouncing on me whenever she sees me.

Congrats! Sounds like you've got some nice offers.

These two things were huge for me, too. Building relationships with professors is essential. I knew exactly who I was going to ask for letters as soon as I made the decision to apply because there were a handful of professors I'd spent a lot of time with and who knew me and my work well. It also helped open some doors for me. I was able to intern at a museum for a few months because a professor notified me of the opportunity. I was able to work with another professor on a large project and TA a handful of classes for him. I think those experiences helped my application stand out a bit. It definitely helps to get to know professors, both because their letters will be stronger if they know you and your work well, and because they might be able to direct you towards opportunities you wouldn't have otherwise. Writing a thesis was also incredibly helpful. I was in the same boat where my undergrad didn't require it, but it could be done through a departmental honors program. Mine ended up being longer than what was permissible for a writing sample, but having a document that required extensive use of primary sources and that had been read and critiqued by different people multiple times was great. Instead of having to start from scratch, I just had to condense and fine tune my thesis. It also helped in that it was another opportunity to work closely with specific professors. Both my primary advisor and second reader were able to get to know my work better through helping me develop my thesis and I'm sure my letters were stronger because of it. I also think taking a year off was a good decision. My second reader for my thesis strongly advised me to not apply to start a PhD straight out of undergrad and told me she'd be a little bit upset if I did end up going straight through. At first, I wasn't thrilled about that. I took a long time getting through undergrad. I had it in my head that I was already behind and I didn't want to waste another year and fall even further behind where I thought I should be. However, other professors also said they thought taking a year off was a good idea, and I ended up taking their advice. I'm really glad I did. I'm grateful to have been able to work on applications without having to worry about classes. I also think I was a bit more burned out than I realized by the time I finished undergrad and taking a year off means I'll be a bit fresher when I do start grad school. It's also a lot to think about. It's also really nice to be able to visit schools without having to worry about missing class and trying to stay on top of work while traveling. Visits are going to take up eight week days in March. I really don't think I would have been able to swing missing eight days of class and I probably would have had to make a decision without getting the chance to see at least one school I'm considering. It also gave me more flexibility when a professor wanted to arrange a phone conversation. If you think you're going to have to interview or even just arrange conversations with professors as part of the application process, it's great not to have to work around a class schedule. In general, just having more free time during the day has been really helpful.

If it makes you feel better, two of my letter writers missed my first deadline by several days. Then, one letter writer missed the deadline for my second application. Granted, she only missed it by an hour, but I was still absolutely livid and terrified that with late letters on 2/4 of my applications, I wasn't going to get in. For my last two, all of my letters miraculously got in on time. However, one professor kept me up until 11:50 pm, frantically refreshing the page and waiting to see if they'd get it submitted that night or if there would be at least one late letter on every single one of my applications. I'd totally written off the first school as a waste of my application fee, because I couldn't imagine 2/3 letters being late would leave a good impression. But, the only rejection I received was from one of the schools where all of my letters were submitted on time. Both schools that received letters past the stated deadline offered me admission. Don't lose hope! Frustrating as the missed deadline is, as long as your professor does submit a letter, it may not have hurt your chances.

That does complicate things. The places I'm visiting are reimbursing travel fees rather than paying upfront. On the one hand, it must be nice not to have to worry about putting out the money initially. On the other, I appreciated having some flexibility while I was making plans. But it does work out well if Duke is the one you're most unsure about.

I'm in the same boat waiting for the official e-mail. But instead of being a reasonable human being and figuring there's some bureaucratic thing causing it to take time, I'm sitting here wondering if something happened to make them change their mind, or if the unofficial acceptance was a mistake. I don't think I'll be able to sleep until everything's official.

If you really want to go visit, would it be possible to ask them if you could visit at some point other than the specified days? It's probably quite a bit less expensive to fly from North Carolina to Pennsylvania, so maybe you could save money and time by planning to visit Duke and Penn back to back? That way you can save on some time and probably some money and still get to see both places before making a final decision.

I'm back to stressing over visits. I feel like I'm just going to make an idiot out of myself and have to reassure professors that I'm not always a stuttering, inarticulate wreck. I just printed out a bunch of articles and ordered a book. Hopefully if I make sure I'm familiar with their work and it's all fresh in my mind I'll be able to come up with something reasonably intelligent to say? Like, I was prepared to meet with a couple people. But now I'm getting e-mails like "Oh! When you come I should introduce you to so and so. You may end up working together at some point," and I'm like more people...? 0.o On the one hand, it's exciting, but on the other I'm really bad at meeting people and it makes me incredibly nervous.

Thanks. I just booked a flight for their admitted students days. My head's still kind of spinning from the cost of booking three flights. I know I will be reimbursed for some of it, so it's not really as huge an expense as it appears, but I'm still experiencing a bit of sticker shock from the upfront costs. That's fascinating. I started out studying music but ended up switching gears while still in undergrad. However, I still perform, particularly French repertoire, and my undergraduate thesis dealt with the transition from the opera of the Old Regime to a new, Revolutionary genre in the New Republic. It's awesome that you were able to attend a doctoral program for music and are applying for graduate studies in history now. I really regret not being able to finish my degree in music and I every now and again I find myself wondering where I'd be if I hadn't made the switch to history. Anyway, just wanted to say that your work sounds incredibly interesting and I admire (and envy!) your current position.

James Johnson. The man is brilliant. I have loved every one of his articles that I've read and I have both of his books. I desperately wanted to apply to Boston University for grad school because he teaches there, but when I reached out to him he said he isn't currently accepting graduate students. I may have cried a little bit. He also seems incredibly nice. Even though he didn't have good news for me, he was incredibly kind in his e-mail. I was terrified of contacting him because I was like "Must. Not. Fangirl!" But yeah... His work is amazing.

I'm out of waiting purgatory! I was shocked to open my e-mail and see an e-mail from my POI at Vanderbilt telling me that I've been accepted. Three acceptances and one rejection is a much better outcome than I dared to hope for. Good luck to people still waiting for news! Official notifications from Vanderbilt haven't gone out yet, so if you haven't heard yet it could be that your POI is just a bit less proactive.