thetruthsnake

Well you've just revealed yourself to be a petulant child who throws temper tantrums when you get advice you don't want to hear in addition to being a petulant child who throws temper tantrums when other people reject your immature and snobby advice. Petulance and a snobby attitude get old fast, so does psychoanalyzing everyone else to justify your own pretensions. Sweetie, do yourself a favor and grow up fast or you'll have a rough road ahead.

FYI: to many Duke students, low-income = sketchy and non-white = criminals. The town just has a large low-income and black population. People very sadly project and assume a lot because of that.

Dear MM, I am glad that you've discovered a program that will accommodate your schedule. I'd like to offer two salty cents -- one a criticism, and one some friendly advice -- from one wise old (ahem, mature) lady to another. First: your seeming victimhood. Ever since you first began posting on the Grad Cafe, you've been blaming everyone else for your problems. Now, you may not actually blame others in real life, but you certainly do in your posts here. I think from the start, when others had been accepted to programs and you hadn't, you complained that those others must be LYING to you and trying to make you and others feel bad. Then when you didn't get into the departments you wanted, it was because the admissions committees were total jerks who wouldn't overlook your spotty past record to see your very stellar improvements. It was THEIR fault, and not yours in the least. Then, when you decided that you couldn't make graduate school work this year, it was your husband's fault. Now, you shout: You suggest that it's not YOUR fault that YOU didn't do your research as the rest of us did. It's the fault of others who didn't know in advance to suggest programs that would accommodate your personal schedule and lifestyle. It's the fault of the departments who don't accommodate your personal schedule, who "give [people like you] the middle finger schedule-wise," which suggests that they hold parents back on purpose, just to be jerks. You know, I seem to remember a post of yours -- one of the ones about how no one can hold you down, which generally are quite admirable -- in which you said that so many things have been done TO YOU to keep you from pursuing your dreams. So many things have been out of YOUR control that have held you back. This is what I, personally, have to say: oh, PLEASE. Perhaps it's just me, but I'm pretty sick and tired of hearing about how your problems regarding graduate school are all everyone else's fault. You, my friend, are not a victim. Take some ownership of your life! You have made the choices that have put you were you are today, and you will continue to make choices. Yes, sometimes you may have had very, very undesirable options. Sometimes, they didn't seem like fair choices. Too bad! They were still choices, and you still decided. You are a strong, intelligent, and powerful person who has carved a life for herself. OWN IT. Stop complaining that it's been done to you. This is just a quick side note about programs "giving parents the middle finger." Look, I'm a parent, too. Sometimes, our schedules are very unfortunate. However, I would never, ever expect a graduate program, especially a top graduate program such as Virginia or Carolina, to accommodate MY schedule. Heck, I'll jump through hoops for them. I don't expect it to be the other way around! Also, graduate school is a JOB. It's not something you do in your spare time for fun. Complaining that a department's schedule is inconvenient for you for any reason -- even as a parent -- is ridiculous. It's like saying, "Goodness, I really want to be an elementary school teacher but the school district just gives parents the middle finger schedule-wise! They never hold school in the evenings when it is convenient for me!" Don't tell me that is a facile analogy, because it's not. Graduate school IS A JOB. Get used to it, sister, or find a new goal. My second point -- hopefully this one won't come across as quite so harsh -- is regarding your applications and how to make them stronger for next year. I've noticed that in many posts you speak of getting a doctorate as if the diploma itself is your goal because you already are a great scholar and you just need the credentials to prove it. Graduate admissions committees despise this attitude. As a candidate who applied to PhD programs with a masters in hand, I can tell you that despite what many MAs think, it really is more difficult to get into English PhD programs if you already have a masters in English BECAUSE professors hate having to deal with know-it-all graduate students. Those already holding masters degrees tend to be more knowledgeable, yes, because they've had more schooling. They also tend to be a bit more confident. They ALSO tend to be the students who walk around as if they don't need any instruction or faculty advising. In short, they're difficult to teach because they act as if they don't need it. Before the masters-carrying applicants out there get very angry with me, let me say that this depiction represents only what faculty dislike the most, and NOT all of the MA-in-hand students out there. Clearly, MM, you can handle your scholarship. This is a plus. Presenting it as if you're already a well-established scholar who doesn't need no stinkin' school -- and who only wants the diploma to prove it -- will be, and possibly was for you this round, hugely detrimental to your applications. You must spin your experience in such a way that it won't make admissions committees suspect that you'll be an unteachable jerk. Teachability is one of the traits that admissions committees prize most in applicants. When it comes to your applications, help yourself to a healthy portion of humble pie. You've published, you've presented, you've taught. These are wonderful things, but they'll actually work against you if you present them in an arrogant way. It's possible that you were very humble in your statement of purpose -- I would have no way of knowing. However, at least in your posts on the Grad Cafe, you're incredibly arrogant. You rail against students who get into graduate school as twentieth centuryists but don't know everything there is to know about the twentieth century! You complain that medievalists are admitted when they only know a fraction about medieval literature and criticism that you do! Horrors of horrors, are these applicants who are attempting to go to graduate school to LEARN about areas they are not already experts in? Excuse me, MM, but this is WHY students go to graduate school. TO LEARN about things. Not because they already know everything. Admissions committees don't want know-it-all experts. They want humble, teachable students who have the potential to be great scholars but who still need SCHOOL. They don't want someone who presumes to be a peer to the greatest faculty out there already! Goodness, no. I fear that this post may come across as rather cruel. I do not mean to to be. However, it's been months of the same posts, the same reactions, the same anger and cynicism from you, MM. Take it down a notch, please. Empower yourself, take ownership of the choices you have made, and have a little grace and humility. Thank you, Your Friendly Neighborhood Truth Snake