mariya_gor

Hey, just wanted to say that I relate to your post a lot. First of all, people making this sort of comments are simply impolite and ignorant, I've come to the conclusion it's best to just ignore them and focus on your progress. Which sounds amazing on your part! Progress is not a linear thing, so just celebrate and concentrate on your achievements, how ever small they might seem at first. 
I feel like the more effort you put into it, the better results you get. 
I've also been this awkward, too silent type in my undergrad time, but presenting came more easily because I just wore this self-confident mask for a certain amount of time. I'm not sure this will work for you, but you can try to practice some power poses before your speech or presentation to set the mood, and then just fake it from there, no other way around it. ? I've recently watched Ted Talk by Maisie Williams and as confident as she seems, she still had her hands shaking slightly throughout the whole thing. 
So yeah, we're not alone in this, and good luck to you in your progress! 

Hey, just wanted to say that I relate to your post a lot. First of all, people making this sort of comments are simply impolite and ignorant, I've come to the conclusion it's best to just ignore them and focus on your progress. Which sounds amazing on your part! Progress is not a linear thing, so just celebrate and concentrate on your achievements, how ever small they might seem at first. 
I feel like the more effort you put into it, the better results you get. 
I've also been this awkward, too silent type in my undergrad time, but presenting came more easily because I just wore this self-confident mask for a certain amount of time. I'm not sure this will work for you, but you can try to practice some power poses before your speech or presentation to set the mood, and then just fake it from there, no other way around it. ? I've recently watched Ted Talk by Maisie Williams and as confident as she seems, she still had her hands shaking slightly throughout the whole thing. 
So yeah, we're not alone in this, and good luck to you in your progress! 

I'm not in grad school yet, but this has been on my mind a lot lately. My quietness seems to come off as a lack of interest in other people, which is not ideal for writing workshops... I don't often get "you're so quiet," but I've gotten a lot of "I thought you hated me"/"I was afraid of you." Not sure why people think that's a nice thing to say, either! I haven't found a good solution for this yet, so I'll be keeping an eye on this thread.
Anyway, I'm sorry your colleague made you feel that way. I think outgoing people simply don't realize how hurtful those comments can be. That said, one person's evaluation doesn't negate your progress. If you feel like you're starting to overcome your shyness, you're probably right; it may just take a while before other people can see it.

Hello everyone! I'm feeling a bit low tonight and thought I would reach out to the kind people of the Grad Cafe :)
Today, a fellow lab member mentioned I am "so quiet." She mentioned a few other things related to my quietness, but long story short, I found this really disheartening, as I am overcoming social anxiety, and the past few months (and the past couple of weeks especially) have personally felt really triumphant as I was so much more vocal in lab, class, and in social situations. I honestly thought I got over my social anxiety recently, and someone pointing out my quietness today really gutted me.
I'm sure my peeps who are likewise shy, socially anxious, or simply trait introverted, are tired of their quietness being pointed out to them. My questions for the crowd are:
(1) How do you respond when someone points out you are quiet? I never understood why people are comfortable pointing this out to someone. Someone's quietness may be characteristic or something they are trying to work on, and I do not know why people think it is helpful or worthwhile to point out someone's quietness to them.
(2) For my friends that are shy, how are you coping with this in academia, where there is pressure to present confidently, competently and consistently? I think I have the competence bit down, but its the confidence that I am working on. I'm in research because I love it, but secondary skills, like presenting, do not come naturally to me. I am working on it. I'd love to hear anyone else's thoughts, struggles, etc.
While there are a lot of people who are both strong researchers and have the gift of gab, I suspect academia also attracts a lot of us brainy people who haven't quite mastered communication, or are a bit eccentric, or whatever it may be :) I hope I'm not alone! Would love to hear from anyone who shares in the struggle, or kind folk in general with a sympathetic word. Thanks, all!

For those of you who are still waiting for responses while finishing your current degree, how are you managing your stress? How are you staying focused and motivated? 
I’m in the last few weeks of my undergrad and my fear of the unknown has been eating me alive. I tried to distract myself by throwing myself into what’s left of my semester but have instead found that the longer the waiting game becomes, the less interested in school I become. I know it’s in my best interest to apply myself 120% in these last few weeks (especially if I don’t end up getting any offers, I want my application next year to be that much stronger), but I just can’t shake the apathy that’s slowly taking over (“why bother working on my thesis?” “I don’t need an A+ to get my degree ...”). I know it’s destructive but I feel almost out of control. 
Some strategies I’m going to try to employ are:
1) dedicating a set amount of time to work on schoolwork (no less than say, 4 hours a day) so that everything still gets done. I find I’m more apt to finish something once I’ve convinced myself to start it 
2) instead of trying to distract myself with school; journaling, talking to folks on grad cafe, or speaking earnestly with my friends and my partner about my fears and worries
3) finding a little time every day to snuggle my cats and benefit from their healing purrs 
4) picking a new song to learn on my harp and focusing on learning it well (I find it’s hard to think about school when I’m actively trying to learn something new) 
I feel like writing this down was not only therapeutic, but will also help me hold myself accountable. Feel free to do the same! How are you managing your stress and apathy? 
We’re going to get through this together  
 
(Sorry if this thread already exists, I looked through the first couple of pages of the waiting game and didn’t see anything. Let me know if I need to remove this or repost in another topic and I’ll happily oblige) 

Hey guys, I also applied from KZ, still no answer.
For anyone still waiting... Let's hope they won't keep us in the dark for much longer : )

Hey guys, I also applied from KZ, still no answer.
For anyone still waiting... Let's hope they won't keep us in the dark for much longer : )